


New Normal

by Haalke



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2018-12-03 19:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 78,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haalke/pseuds/Haalke
Summary: Evie is one of the many mixed up in the new world where the dead don't stay dead and there's more than one threat to deal with daily. As a Doctor, she's valuable to her group. But more than that, she is family. Even to those who are reluctant to let her in, especially one Daryl Dixon.Begins at on Hershel's Farm





	1. The Farm

When I opened my eyes, I had kind of forgotten about where I was. My eyes slowly adjusted to tale in the ‘roof’ of the tatty tent. My mind ran whilst my gaze slowly slid to one of the tiny pinprick holes in the material, letting in the sunlight.  
I stretched out my legs, pointing my toes so that they kind of dangled from the camp bed set up in the tent, and yawned, turning my head to see if Lianne was still in her identical, slightly decrepit, camp bed. She wasn’t.  
I could already hear voices from outside the tent, people already up and busying themselves. Instantly I felt guilty about being asleep whilst everyone else was awake and so forced myself into an upright position.  
In a normal situation, in the normal, real world, I would have stayed curled up in bed or I would have sat up, wrapped in my duvet and sheets scrolling through my phone. But this wasn’t a normal situation, or a normal day, or a normal year, or even, a normal world. It was a psychotic world where the dead were living again.  
The world had gone to shit months ago, and I had stuck to my college roommate, Lianne, like glue as we travelled from our dorms at Augusta University to her home in the suburbs of Atlanta just as the outbreak happened. And we found her parents undead and eating her little brother. That took a while to get over.  
A series of fortunate events led us to a small, mismatched group and on the whim of a Sheriff, we hightailed it to the CDC hoping for resolution. We found an angry man who told us there was no hope. Since then, we had broken down on a highway, been overrun and hidden from a herd of Walkers, lost a child as she had ran away from aforementioned Walkers, and another child had been shot. That’s how we had wound up on a farm, camping out at the grace of a farmer-slash-veterinarian and his family.  
Yes, they were slightly misguided and had different priorities to those of us who had actually been running for our lives, but they were letting us stay. For the time being anyway.  
I reached for my worn trainers and tied them onto my feet tightly. I had a bag, at the foot of my bed, packed constantly with necessities, the most important being a pair of sturdy, worn in boots. Let me tell you, it was much harder than I thought to survive with just a pair of trainers, so I only ever changed into them when I was assured that I would be fine- for a few hours at least.  
Switching out my vest top for a t-shirt, I emerged into the sunlight outside the tent. It was hot as hell in Georgia. I wasn’t used to it.  
I was from a small town in the centre of Scotland, a country where the appearance of rain and cold weather was more dependable than the appearance of the moon. I had been in the midst of my one year postgraduate medical research exchange in Augusta when the outbreak out-broke. And the heat was worse than the undead at times.  
“Morning, Evie.”  
I tucked my hair from my face behind my ear and squinted in the sun, giving my eyes some time to adjust to the sunlight’s glare to see Glenn looking up at me, perched on an overturned bucket.  
“Hey, Glenn.” I went towards him, rubbing my eyes a little. “What time is it?”  
“Like nine? Don’t worry, you didn’t sleep too late.” He rested his slim forearms on his knees and smiled a little.  
“Where’s Lianne?” I questioned, pulling at the hem of my cropped jeans and scratched at my shin. From a few quick glances around the field, I was able to locate some of the group: Dale on the roof of the RV, Andrea leaning against one of the trees like a high schooler talking to Shane, Carol was hanging up some laundry, looking more at ease than I had seen her since her daughter, Sophia, had gone missing. Lori quickly joined Carol and I assumed Rick was inside with Carl, his kid who had gotten shot. Lianne and T-Dog where the only ones I couldn’t locate. Oh and Daryl.  
“She and T Dog went with Maggie, you know, Hershel’s daughter, to get some more maps.” Glenn told me. “I think they’re gonna want us out as soon as Carl can go.”  
“He should be on his feet soon enough. Hershel did a good job with it all.” I stared off down the fields. “The thing we need to worry about is infection. That’s a killer. And it’d be easier to avoid all that if we could stay here.”  
“Yes, Doc.” He raised his eyebrows.  
I smirked a little. It gave me a little bit of respect, being medically inclined. I was young, I was twenty four, people didn’t expect for me to survive or thrive in this New World. I wasn’t used to guns, I could barely use them, but I could fight hand to hand and I had a hell of an arsenal of medical knowledge. Practise of that medical knowledge was a little shakier than the theoretical side of it, but I could get by, so the group could get by.  
Before I could head over to the mothers of the group, Rick emerged from the house, quickly followed by T-Dog and Lianne. She quirked her eyebrows in greeting and we merged paths, going to one of the trucks. People seemed to see Rick as a gathering claxon and flocked to the car too. Shane, looking slightly insane since he shaved his head, shoved the POLICE cap onto his head and approached. Andrea ran after him, dying to prove her worth to the group.  
I leant on the warm steel of the hood of the truck and waited for Rick to tell us what we needed done. Although the southern sheriff was the last to join our group, he had slipped nicely and comfortably into the leadership role, accompanied well by his right hand man (who were showing some signs of tension, in my opinion) and his loving wife and son- like a perfect family. 

“Okay, we’re going to start with new areas of searching today, going by what Daryl found yesterday.” Rick began, smoothing out the creases of the maps produced by Lianne. Jimmy, the boyfriend of one of Hershel’s daughters, had joined, prepared to help us search for Sophia.  
Dale and Daryl came over, Dale placed a holdall of guns on the bonnet whilst Daryl just brought a shirt to the pow wow. Though older than me, and very, very different, he was a decent man. Everyone in the group was really, to me anyway. There were some internal issues but I got on with most. The only ones I didn’t were now dead, Carol’s husband, The Wife Beater, being the sole member of that category.  
Shane voiced his doubts about whether Sophia was actually in the barn that Daryl had found, but Daryl insisted that it’d had to have been a kid or a small person hiding out there, there was no space for anyone else.  
“I think I’m gonna borrow one of the horses, head up to this ridge, see if I can get a good view of the river from up there.” Daryl pressed his finger to a line on the map, simultaneously flicking out his collar from his shirt.  
“Good idea. Maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of your chupacabra up there.” T-Dog smirked. I laughed a little whilst Dale explained it to Rick, who was absent when we heard Daryl’s theory of his vision of a blood sucking dog.  
“Evie-” Rick started.  
“I’ll do gun training tomorrow, I swear. I mean, how hard can it be? I can learn to do it in a day.” I laid my hands out flat on the hood. They all exchanged glances, Lianne rolled her eyes.  
It was alright for her. She was a bona fida southern pageant queen who won a crown based on her amazing talent of shooting cans when she was sixteen years old. It was seven years later and her gun skills had only improved  
“I can shoot a gun! It’s just the aim I need some work on.” I groaned a little.  
“That’s kind of the skill that’s necessary.” Lianne commented.  
“I’ll do it tomorrow okay!” I exclaimed. Shane and Lianne had been on at me since we set up camp, even before Rick was around, to learn to shoot but, truth be told, they kind of scared me. What if I missed and hit a human? Or what if I dropped it and shot myself in the foot? Or what if it didn’t work and I couldn’t depend on anything else? The What If’s were endless.  
“It doesn’t matter.” Rick put his hands up as Shane left with Andrea and Jimmy. “Do it tomorrow. Today, I want you with Carl. Keep an eye on him.”  
“He still feverish?” I questioned.  
“A little, but he’s in and out. I just want you around, sit with him, check on him. And be around for Hershel. If he needs anything- be there. Keep him on side, alright? You’re key in this. You’re medical, you guys have something to bond over and your skills are something he might need.” Rick pointed at me. At times, I felt that they had an inflated sense of my skills, but I went with it anyway.  
I nodded and went to leave, patting Lianne on the shoulder as I did. She would be out on the search partying. They couldn’t be without her skills. 

She was my best friend, my immediate bond when I came to Georgia. I remember going into the dorm, she was already lying stretched out on her bed and she welcomed me with a huge hug. Next thing I know our words and slang and accents had integrated into each other’s speech. I would drop a ‘honey’ into conversations and she perfected her rolling ‘r’s in an impression of my accent. She was a chemistry major and my basic encyclopaedia of all things America. I mean, she was American. Her long blonde mane complimented her tan she got because she was always outside. She ran track and did cheerleading and did volleyball in high school. I fully expected her to be a bitch. I was kind of annoyed that she wasn’t. We would go out and drink ourselves stupid some nights, other nights we would look homeless on the sofa watching reruns of That 70s Show and eat a cow’s weight in junk food. And now? We had no family left, it was just the two of us. I couldn’t be without her.  
Leaving the truck, I was followed by Daryl. “So, you think she’ll be by the river still?” I questioned him, throwing my words over my shoulder slightly until he fell into step.  
“What I would do.” He shrugged. He tended to speak in short sentences, kind of mumble-y but understandable, and always like he was two minutes away from yelling in frustration at the world.  
“I guess.” I nodded. I couldn’t help but think that maybe it was the plan of an adult to stay by the creek, but maybe not for a child. “Well, enjoy the woods.”  
“Yah, while you sit on your ass watching the kid.” He muttered.  
“Hey, an ass like this only gets this good by sitting on it.” I tried to lighten the mood but he looked at me like I had just taken off my shirt and did a line dance routine. His eyebrows raised and his mouth gaped. “Whatever, I’m just joking, Redneck.” I threw up my hands.  
“Not lovin’ the Redneck name.” he pointed at me.  
I was just thankful he had responded this time. “You called me Immigrant Doctor yesterday, Daryl.”  
He blinked, because it was true. “Whatever,”  
I started towards the house before yelling ‘hey’ at him. He stopped in his tracks and turned back a little.  
“Borrow that horse. Don’t steal.” I warned, only half joking. He brushed my words off and continued on. 

I took the steps two at a time to the porch, saying a brief ‘hi’ to Glenn again and slipped past Maggie, into the house.  
The farmhouse looked like a real, old southern home; wooden furniture, rocking chairs, ornate dining table and farm centred art upon the walls. I covered the space of the hallway quickly and headed up the carpeted stairs, touching the railing and went towards the room Carl was in. He lay in the middle of the double bed in the room, tucked in both sides like a little boy. Well, he was a little boy. Less so in mind than in body, but he was just a kid.  
With one knee on the bed, I leant over to feel his still warm face and then switched out the cold cloth with a new one that was sitting in a bowl of cold water on the bedside cabinet. It probably wasn’t as cold as it was when Lori put it out, it had been warmed by the Georgia heat, but it was still cool. I wiped at a few drips falling into his soft brown hair and put the old cloth in the water.  
He looked so fragile when he was asleep. So little.  
To distract me from seeing him like that, I padded softly around the room: opening up the window to let some air in, dusting off the chest of drawers and the little knick-knack ornaments that adorned it, examining the bookshelf. The shelf was basically an A-Z of American Classics, as if it was stocking a high school English Class. I finally plucked out an old copy of ‘The Crucible’. It was tatty and worn, with folded over pages but it was readable.  
I pulled out the rocking chair from the corner and moved it, as quietly as possible, to the side of Carl’s bed and settled in. The inside page of the copy had ‘Beth Greene’ scrawled in black ink on the top right hand corner. In pencil, someone had written ‘loves Jimmy’. I was right, the bookshelf was basically stocked from high school English class.  
I made a thirty page dent in the book before Carl began to stir.  
“Hey, buddy.” I put down the book on the knitted blanket covering the bed and leant forward to touch his cheek, feeling the temperature of his skin. Though clammy, it was coming back normal.  
With a few blinks, he looked around the room.  
“Where’s my mom?” he questioned, sleepy still a little.  
“She’s outside. I figured I could sit with you for a bit. I’m much more exciting than your lousy parents.” I smiled at him.  
“Is Sophia back yet?” He looked at me with unblinking, giant eyes and it kind of broke my heart to have to tell him the truth.  
“Not yet. But Daryl found some clue type things. Thinks she’ll be in that area, so they’re away to look just now. Your dad too.” I explained as positively as I could. “You wanna play cards?”

Truth be told, I didn’t think Sophia was still alive. A few days out in the woods on your own, I doubted that I or some of the others would be alive. It was scary when you were alone; every crack of a branch sounded like the end of the world when Walkers were everywhere. She had no weapons, she couldn’t fight- it was unlikely she would have been able to get herself fed or clean water. I was concerned. But I didn’t tell anyone apart from Lianne- who thought the same- what I really thought. Even if I did, it wouldn’t have mattered.  
I tried to keep it off my mind whilst I played with Carl. We made it through Snap and Gin before I taught him some other games for an hour or so.  
“Right, kiddo, try and get some more sleep. When you wake up we can play again, but just now, try to sleep.” I shuffled the cards and set them on the table.  
He scrunched up his freckled nose and looked innocent like a carefree kid who was being told it was bedtime. I almost crushed him in a hug.  
“I don’t want to.”  
“I don’t care.” I pressed my fingertip on to his nose to squish it and he began to laugh a little. “Doctor’s orders.”  
He let me pull the covers up over his shoulders and I ruffled his hair. “I’m gonna go downstairs, I’ll be back up in a bit.”  
He was already looking sleepy, but persisted a little longer. “Are you still gonna make me do maths when I get better?”  
I laughed and got up to pull the net curtains over a little to get the room a little darker. “Yes, I am. And lucky you, I think we’ll be able to nab some workbooks and stuff from Beth and Maggie, the two girls here.”  
He kind of grumbled and closed his eyes, deciding that sleep would be easier than arguing. I had been doing some school type stuff for the kids at the camp, and then just for Sophia and Carl when we left for the CDC. It was just something for the kids to do, something for me to do and it was stuff they needed to learn- just times tables and fractions and adding and subtracting; things that would help them in this New World. They didn’t need to know about adjectives and noun phrases and clauses because there was no need for anyone to really know that stuff. But the simple maths things were needed and they enjoyed it more when I put in context with dividing food and adding up bullets and supplies.  
Carl didn’t wake up again until around two in the afternoon. I had filled my time by reading and checking with Hershel if he needed anything. He didn’t. Or he didn’t want to tell me anyway. And when Carl woke up, we did the same thing- card games.  
The day went on like that. Quiet, relaxed- for me anyway. Lori and Carol were making dinner, a sort of olive branch to the Greene’s to keep us all in a state of tense harmony. I wasn’t a great cook, there were a few burned dinners when I was ever near a kitchen, so I decided to stick to Carl Duty.  
It got to twilight and I was getting sleepy from lack of activity. I heard shouts, but nothing so drastic that made me leave Carl, it just sounded like arguments, and Carl was in the room further from the field where we had set up camp so there wasn’t to hear. 

But then a shot ran out and I jumped up. I froze, straining my ears for anymore sound. There was movement from downstairs in the kitchen, running, but I couldn’t hear any more than that.  
If it was a hostile group, another group, I couldn’t leave Carl. If it was a herd of Walkers, they would take down the house before we would be able to defend ourselves, I couldn’t leave Carl.  
I was rooted to the spot until I heard my name being yelled from downstairs. With a glance back at Carl, who was still sleeping soundly, I ran out, close the door tight behind me, just in case. I took the stairs a few at a time, almost throwing myself down them in concern.  
“What’s happened?” I questioned. Beth was standing at the door, staring out after Maggie who was running with Carol and Lori out to meet the others. Someone was being dragged along, supported by Rick and Shane.  
“Andrea shot someone. She thought it was a Walker.” Beth chewed at her lip, her arms practically wrapped around herself. I squinted to see out and was just able to make out that it was Daryl.  
I felt my stomach drop in fear that he was dead. It was never just the fear of losing someone you knew, it was the fear of knowing that they would have to be mutilated to prevent them coming back. That was always the nail in the grief coffin.  
I jumped down the steps of the porch and ran out to meet them. Hershel immediately told me that I was helping him. I was getting the feeling that he wanted his family far away from ours.  
Daryl was unconscious and filthy with blood dripping down his head as they dragged him in and upstairs into a bedroom. He soon regained consciousness, blinking quickly in an effort to clear his vision.  
“He’s been stabbed.” Rick groaned as he lay Daryl down on the bed. I leant over and pushed up his shirt. The checked material once had sleeves, but they were gone now, probably in an attempt to stem the bleeding from his side.  
My warm hands touched his skin. His stomach was hard and lean, sweating from the exertion and the pain. Hershel wiped away the entry wound as best as possible.  
“His arrow. It’s not a stab wound. Looks like he got caught by his arrow.” I pressed down on it with the cloth.  
“I fell.” Daryl said finally, his consciousness firm enough now that he could muster up some words.  
Shane muttered the word ‘idiot’ but said no more.  
“I’ll take this,” Hershel deliberated. “Seen a fair few animals in the surgery with an arrow in them. You take his head.”  
I nodded, knowing that it was the best thing to do and told Shane to bring up some more hot water and cloths to go with bandages the Maggie had already given.  
It was just a graze, but it had bled a lot, staining his face. I climbed up on the bed beside up, kneeling up with Daryl’s head on my lap. He strained to get away from me- I knew he wasn’t a fan of contact- but I swatted his shoulder and told him to stay still.  
Hershel and I worked quickly while Rick got out of Daryl where he had found Sophia’s doll. I almost froze when they mentioned that. She loved that thing since it had been given to her. She wouldn’t have forgotten it. She would have dropped it or it would have been knocked from her grip.  
“How’s he doing?” Rick questioned.  
“Head’s fine.” I told him, reaching for some butterfly stitches.  
“Never thought we’d be getting through antibiotics so quick.” Hershel stuck gauze over the arrow wound. “Any idea where my horse is?”  
“You mean the one that almost killed me. ’S smart. Got out of the country probably.” Daryl muttered grumpily, looking at Hershel’s handiwork.  
“We call her Nervous Nellie. I would have told you that if you had bothered to ask.” Hershel wiped his hands. I stayed silent at that, until Hershel and the two others left the room and went into the hallway. It was then that I pinched Daryl on the arm. Hard.  
He yelped and jerked away from me.  
“I told you to ask!” I hissed, getting up from the bed. He just made a face. I doubted he had ever asked for anything in his life.  
“He wouldn’t have let me take it.” He muttered and scooted down in the bed.  
I wiped my hands, content with my bandage on his head but not with him. “Clean yourself up, Redneck. You ain’t getting a sponge bath from me.”  
I slammed the door on exit. I wasn’t pissed, not really, not at him. More at life. I got waves of it sometimes. Waves of dissatisfaction and anger and grief at the circumstances but I kept them under control most of the time. There had been times when I had to take myself away and scream into my hands. But I always came back, calmer.  
Dinner still went ahead, and it was…strained. At best. We barely spoke. Lianne complimented Lori and Carol on their cooking and at one point, I said how beautiful Hershel’s home was. He didn’t respond enthusiastically, but he did nod.  
Glenn attempted to break the ice. “Does anyone play guitar? We found one on the highway. Figure someone here must know how to do it.”  
“Otis did.” Patricia’s voice was practically a whisper.  
I slowed my chewing and looked up a little to see everyone look as awkward as I felt.  
“Evie plays.” Lianne said abruptly.  
“Nice.” Glenn looked relieved.  
“I can a play a few things, nothing major. Haven’t done it in a while.” I played it off, knowing that now wasn’t maybe the best time to start a sing-a-long. I went back to my dinner, unconsciously rubbing the tips of my fingers together. They were still a little rough from my years of playing, plucking the wire strings for so long.  
We cleared up after dinner, but Beth and Patricia insisted that they would do the washing up. I didn’t know if that was sincere or if they just wanted us the hell out of the house.  
“Why did you play it down?” Lianne asked me as we wandered to the tents. “You can kick ass on the guitar.”  
“You’ve heard me play, like, once and that was when we were very drunk and at a Frat house, Lianne.” I rolled my eyes. “I looked like Paul McCartney compared to them, but Mozart I am not.”  
She hooked her arm in mine as we walked, she told me her theories about Shane and how he was still hooking up with Lori.  
“I don’t know, dude. She’s barely left Carl’s side since he got shot, I doubt she’s concerning herself with living a life of debauchery, you know?” I tied my hair up in a pony.  
“Honey, you can have sex in like two seconds. She could be out and back before anyone even notices she’s gone.” Lianne popped her hip out and looked at me with that real ‘Get it together, honey’ look.  
“You’re so American it kills me.” I pinged one of my hair ties at her. She caught it and pinged it back before pulling her long hair from its tie and shaking it out. “Did I sleep walk last night?”  
She shook her head no. “Not so much that it woke me up, so I don’t think so.”  
It was a bit of an issue. I had sleep walked since I was a kid, since I was able to walk, basically. It normally only happened when I was over tired or exhausted, which tended to be a lot of the time when we were always on the move. I had warned the others about it. I didn’t want to freak them out if I got up when asleep and made them think I was a Walker. Carl and Sophia found it hilarious. But I was also worried I would wander off from the camp, slightly scared that I would get bitten by a Walker whilst asleep but I figured if it did happen, maybe it would hurt less? I don’t know.  
I fell into one of the chairs, Lianne took up the one beside me. Dale wandered past us, said goodnight and ambled into the RV. The two of us watched the sun begin to set. It was so beautiful.  
“You know, I think I’ve watched more sunsets and sunrises since all this happened.” Lianne said softly, her eyes stuck to the horizon, watching the sun fade away and cast colours over the sky.  
I murmured soft in agreement. “I guess there’s something good about the world going to shit after all.”


	2. Barn

We were sat around in a circle, almost like a pow-wow around a campfire. Except there was no marshmallows to roast, and it was closer to dawn than it was dusk.   
The oatmeal that I had shovelled in my mouth was damn near tasteless, but it was at least filling. It wasn’t like there was anything else on offer, really. I had vacated my chair to give to Carol and I was sitting on one of the logs, next to Carl.   
I could see him eying my back as I had leant forward. I was wearing a vest top and so he could see the back of my shoulders and upper back, for the first time really.   
“What’s up?” I wiped at the corner of my mouth and turned a little to look at him. Lori cottoned on that her son had been watching me.   
“Carl, it’s rude to stare. Leave Evie alone.” She ordered. I just smiled though.   
“It’s a phoenix.” I told him. The tattoo stretched across my back. It was angled so that the head of the bird sat just at the back of right shoulder, as if it was close to flying right off my skin to join me. It was the most colourful tattoo that I had: the head was blue, the wingspan of it was coloured in a gradient from purple to red to orange and the tips of the feathers at its tail were shades of blue and black, falling down the base of my back. “It’s supposed to mean rebirth, rising from the ashes, reincarnation.”   
Lori was listening to me now and looked up at her. “I’m aware of the irony of a tattoo encompassing reincarnation in the world we’re living in today.” I laughed. She returned the humour of the situation with a soft chuckle.   
“Did it hurt?” Carl asked me, still looking at the bird.   
“Not really.” I shook my head. “I got used to it.”   
I had a fair few tattoos. My whole family had them, just maybe not the extent that I did. “But I’ve got some scars on my shoulders and back now so I’m kind concerned that it’s gonna disfigure the thing.”   
“Where’d you get the scars?”  
Lori went to scold him for asking pushing questions but I smiled before rolling my eyes. “Sunburn. I think the sun that shines in Georgia is a hell of a lot hotter than the sun that rarely shines in Scotland.”   
The first few weeks after the outbreak, I suffered from a severe lack of sunblock. I was red raw and had no option but to rely on plants to ease it. Some of the blisters had scarred a little; a few scattered on the back of my neck and shoulders, a couple of my arms and chest, and just the one on the top of my forehead.   
I went to say something more but was stopped when Glenn cleared his throat and announced. “The barn is full of Walkers.”   
I didn’t believe him for a second. Thought that maybe it was a joke. But minutes later, we were standing in front of the barn he told us the Walkers were in and the moaning and undead snarling from inside that place made me see that it was definitely not a joke.   
“How many?” I squinted at the shack.   
“Like a dozen, maybe?” Glenn tucked his hands in his pockets.   
“You cannot be okay with this!” Shane blew up and made his way, storming over, to Rick. “We have got to do something! We have got to clear this place or we gotta leave. We’ve been talking about Fort Benning- we gotta just get out of here!” He paced like a caged animal, waiting to lash out at something, waiting to fight.   
I chewed at my lip, watching and listening to them spit at each other.  
We couldn’t leave because Sophia was still out there was the argument of Rick and Carol. And as much as I wasn’t sure that she was still alive, I still didn’t want to take off on a whim. Daryl started up then, yelling at Shane, saying he had leads.   
“You found a doll, Daryl!” Shane snapped, throwing his hands out, saying even if Daryl could track Sophia down, he would scare the shit out of her. He was only partly right. But it set Daryl off. He launched himself at the ex-cop, who was able to hold his own. The shouting and yelling and lunging for each other went on for a few moments.   
Lianne stood beside me and elbowed my in the gut, making me look at her. “Help them.” She whispered. She had no gun, she had no leverage over them.   
I hated knowing that I had to do it. But I did anyway.   
My trainers crushed the grass as I covered the few steps to get behind Shane, dodging waving hands so that I didn’t get hit. My hand went to his arm- he turned his head as soon as he felt my skin on his and tried to buck me off but my foot went behind his knee, buckling him and my other hand went to his shoulder, pushing into a pressure point just by his neck and I forced him to the ground.  
“Get off of me, girl!” he yelled angrily. One of his arms was trapped between the ground and his body and his other arm was still in my grip, my knee in his back. But he was still kicking his legs.   
“I’ll let you up if you stay calm!” I hissed at him. I was trying not to embarrass him, but there was a part of me that wanted to keep his ass on the ground.   
“Get the hell off of me!” he shouted, I could feel his chest moving. His legs were still going, trying to get up kick me.   
I ground my teeth and pinned his arm with my knee before leaning over and digging the heel of my hand into a muscle on the back of his leg. He let out a garbled shout before going quiet.   
But I could still feel him literally trembling with rage beneath me. My first glance up to the rest of the group saw a variation of expressions. Lianne was almost laughing, but the rest of them were mostly shocked and confused.   
“Are you gonna be calm?” I asked Shane once more. He didn’t answer but he didn’t struggle anymore.   
My eyes went to Rick who nodded once, letting me know that I should let him up and so I did. Part of me wanted to jump back out of fear he was gonna turn on me the second I let go of him, but I did it slowly; replacing my knee with just a hand, and then stepping away from him completely.   
There was peace for a moment when Shane stood up. I could feel his glare on me but I just shrugged, feeling only a tiny bit guilty. “We don’t fight each other.”   
“I will talk to Hershel. Okay? But right now, that barn is secure. So we do nothing right this second. But right now, we’re leaving it alone. This is Hershel’s land. We gotta talk to him.” Rick’s hands were out in a calming motion.   
We went straight back up to camp, up to Hershel’s house. Everyone was silent, slightly scared. I knew that I couldn’t be around that for the rest of the day. The tension between us all would drive me insane.   
“Rick?” I approached him. He was standing with Lori, both of them looking stunned.   
“Yeah?” Rick ran his hand over his beard and turned his head to look at me.   
“You might think I’m insane. But I think I should go to that pharmacy, the one that Glenn went to.” I put my hands on my hips. I wanted to do it.   
“Why?”   
“Because I know medications. I know alternative uses for them. I figure if I bring everything here, then I can sort through what’s useful and what’s not. I mean, yes, if Carl gets a cough then it’s not like we can always treat it, but if we have cough medicine, why not use it?” I shrugged. “I just think we should have everything here. It’ll make everything easier. I talked to Maggie about it yesterday, she drew me a line on the map of where to go, I could grab a car and be there and back in no time.”  
I don’t really think he was prepared to fight about it so he nodded. “Yeah. But you talk to Hershel about the car. He says no, you don’t go. And take Lianne. She can shoot. And take a handgun for yourself. Your shooting skills may not be as refined as your knock out skills but it’ll help.” Rick ordered me, smirking a little about the ‘knock out’ comment. But I said nothing more before running up to the house.   
I knocked hard and heard Beth call for me to come in.   
“Hey, Beth. Where’s your dad?” I questioned.   
“Oh he’s at the dining table.” She off handedly gestured to the dining room and I gathered that I was allowed to go through.   
“Hershel?” I tiptoed through to the dining room, not wanting to disturb him. I could see the older man leaning over in his seat, eating with the Bible open beside him.   
He looked up a little, just enough to see it was me, before going back to his readings. “Evie.”  
“Um,” I swallowed, suddenly nervous. “I was wondering if I could borrow your car? I was gonna take a ride into that pharmacy.”  
“Why? I thought Maggie just went with the Asian fella.” He put down his fork and looked up at me.  
“Glenn.” I corrected him. I felt it better if maybe I wasn’t standing above him so I squatted down by the side of his table. “I just figured that I could, like, collect all the medications, all the things left there. I read this journal article when I started studying over here about alternative uses for medications and I can remember a lot of things about it. It’d be like using veterinary medications, it’d be helpful.” I made my argument. “And… I know that you don’t want us to stay here much longer. That sucks, but I get it. But if we’re leaving, we need supplies and we need to pay you back for the supplies that we’ve used.” I threw that bit in there not only because it was true, but to try to increase my chance of getting permission. “Please, please let me borrow a car.”   
There was only a moment of silence before Hershel said; “Yes.”   
I touched his arm, just softly so as not to push my luck any further and said thank you. I hurried out of the house, Beth had overheard us talking and dangled the keys for me to grab. I spotted Lianne sitting over at camp and I called for her to come over. “Come on.”   
She looked at me, puzzled, as she jogged towards me. “What’s up?”   
“We’re going to the pharmacy.” I told her. Whenever she was confused, she pulled her ponytail tighter. And that’s what she did then.   
“I was gonna go out and look for Sophia with Rick and the others.” She told me.   
“Nah, he wants you to come with me for supplies. I need my sniper to protect the goods.” I spun the keys on the tip of my finger.   
“Alright. Bring the car round and I’ll grab some guns from Dale.” She took a few steps back. “If you’re taking me out to kill me, I will haunt you.”   
“I guessed.” I headed round back and unlocked the car. I slipped inside the red Chevy suburban and closed the door after me. I had driven a few times after moving to America, just rentals for short weekender trips, but it had taken me some time to get used to driving on the opposite side of the road. It was also weird for me to drive an automatic so it was almost a dream to see the gearstick in the car.   
I pulled it round to the front of the house and Lianne was already there waiting, holding up a rifle and two handguns. I felt a little queasy knowing that I had to take control of a gun. I had a knife, tucked comfortably in a holster in my belt, but a gun was so much more.   
Lianne got into the car, reaching round to put the guns in the backseat. “So we’re going where?”   
I pulled out the map and it handed it to her, showing her the inked line of route. I glanced around and I saw Daryl storming up the field towards the house.   
“Uh oh.” I stared out towards him. He was barely out of his bed from getting that arrow stuck inside his stomach and he wanted to get back out to look for Sophia. I could see Carol emerge from the barn he was leaving from. “Redneck walking.”   
Lianne looked up from the map and glanced out the window, scoffing. “You gotta stop calling him Redneck. Like, people take offence to that in the South.”   
“What? People prefer your kind words of ‘white trash’?” I snorted. “He doesn’t mind it. I mean, he hasn’t killed me yet so I’m sure he’s fine with it.” I looked back at the map, making sure I knew where I was going. The last thing I wanted was to get lost in midst of an Undead Rising party.   
I restarted the engine and had just put the car into gear when Lianne’s door flew open. We both stared at Daryl, who was gripping the door frame so hard I thought it would bend beneath him. He leant in, wincing just a little when he bent, probably because of the wound in his side.   
“Where you goin’?” He almost demanded an answer from us.   
“Into the pharmacy to get supplies. Why?” Lianne looked up at him with raised eyebrows.   
“Get out, I’m goin’.” Daryl took a step back to give Lianne the space to get out. “Get out.”  
I made a face to Lianne as if to say ‘what the hell?’ but she had already ditched the map and jumped out.   
“Lianne!” I exclaimed, hitting my hand on the steering wheel, as Daryl fell into the seat beside me.   
“He’s just as safe as I am!” She shrugged and slammed the door.   
“Go.” Daryl kicked his leg up on the dash board.   
I pursed my lips and looked him up and down. “You have to put your seatbelt on befo-”  
“Just go!” he yelled.   
I jumped a little, but found it a little more funny than scary and couldn’t help but laugh just a little as I drove off the farm. It was nice to be behind the wheel again, nice to be in control of something. We drove just a few miles in silence before I asked him what was wrong.   
“Nothin’.” He brought his foot off the dash, still staring out in the distance.   
“Dude, you’re obviously pissed off.” I snuck a quick look over to him before attending back to the road. “What is it? Carol? I saw you guys coming out of the barn.”  
He stayed silent still.   
“I’m gonna keep asking you questions, so it’s easier for you to answer them.” I warned him. It wasn’t to annoy him, although, maybe that was part of it. I wanted him integrated in the group, I wanted him to be friends with us. If he was, he was less likely to leave, I guess.  
“She’s given up on finding her damn kid. It’s like I’m the only one that gives a shit about finding her.” He chewed at his thumb, staring out the window.   
“You’re not.” I bit the inside of my lip, not wanting him to know that I had lost a lot of hope. “It’s just hard. It’ll be hard for Carol. I’m not a parent. We’ve lost people, family, friends. But we haven’t lost a kid, Daryl. I can’t even imagine.”   
“So why is she not out there? Or why is she not letting me out there?” He spat, his words harsh.   
“’Cause she’s not an idiot. You were shot and stabbed days ago. You’re not some sort of superman. You’re wincing just getting into the car. Honestly, you shouldn’t even be with me in case you get hurt.” I told him straight. I knew he thought he was tougher than he really was.   
He didn’t respond so I looked over to see him as unresponsive as before, but at least he wasn’t mouthing off.   
I turned my attention back to the road, just in time. A dog, well, it looked like a dog, shot out in front of me into the road, speeding across from the trees on one side of the road straight across into the other trees. I slammed on the break with a force I didn’t think the car would actually hold up for.   
One hand was squeezing the steering wheel tight, almost frozen. I didn’t want to have killed a dog.   
“Did I hit it?!” I grimaced, stuck in place. He didn’t say anything. My arm had outstretched across him, like a barrier between this hugely muscled, southern hunter and the dash when I crushed the brake pedal. I mean, it was probably unnecessary but it was automatic.   
There was a few seconds of peace before I pulled my arm back. “Sorry.”   
“Why’d you do that?” he turned his head. I could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed, his eyes on me. I assumed he would have just ignored that, it seemed out of character for him to confront me.   
I just flicked my eyes up and down his face, trying to gauge as to what he was thinking. “I guess it was reflex. We lived in the countryside, there was always animals running about, sheep and cows and shit. I used to drive my baby sister about and I sometimes had to break hard.”  
“So you thought I was your kid sister?” He scrunched up his face a little.   
I rolled my eyes and restarted the car, putting it into gear to advance forward. “No. It was just reflex, I told you.”   
A few more seconds of silence and we reached the sign for the town the pharmacy was in.   
“Why’d the hell you break for a dumb dog anyway?” he muttered and slid down in his seat like a grouchy teen.   
“Because I’d prefer to kill only Walkers, okay? We’re not all expert hunters.” I looked out for the pharmacy, it would only be about a mile out from where we were. I spotted the sign for it and parked up outside the building. I tucked the keys into my pocket and reached for the empty bag in the backseat for me to put everything in and got out of the car.  
“How old was your sister?” Daryl’s eyes were on me from across the roof of the car, one of the rifles slung over his shoulder. His stare was intense, everything about him was, but he was watching me with furrowed eyebrows, his large hands pressed onto the hot roof of the car.   
I cleared my throat and headed to the door of the pharmacy. “She just turned eighteen before I left.”   
She had a birthday night out at a club in the city. She was so cute, her and her friends out legally for the first time. She had come out with me or my older sister a few times, but this was the first time she could use her own ID. God, I missed them so much.   
“So she wasn’t a baby.” He muttered before opening up the door, the barrel of the gun pointed inside the pharmacy, clearing the room before we could go in.   
“No. She was a pain in the ass, sometimes.” I unzipped the bags and tossed one to him. “She used to steal my lipstick. Lipstick was a key point of arguments in our house.” I was really just reminiscing out loud, rather than actively wanting to tell him things about my family, my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him, it was that I doubted that he wanted to know any of it. “Man, I would kill a cow to get a chance to wear lipstick right now.”   
I could hear him breathe out a soft laugh but he covered up it with a cough.   
I pressed my lips together so I would stop talking and basically swiped the entirety of the shelves into the open bag, grabbing as much as I could, heading behind the counter. The place was dark but the sunlight was casting light on it all so we could see. One thing I wish I hadn’t seen was the almost decapitated Walker on the floor that Glenn had dealt with when it had gone after Maggie when they had last visited. “Just take everything, Daryl, I can check over everything when we get back.”   
Spotting the closed cabinet above my head, I clambered up onto the worktop. I went up on my tiptoes to reach and found cartons upon cartons of medications- the stronger stuff; codeine, opioids, concentrated antibiotics. I tossed them down, almost always getting them in the bag. A few cartons fell on the floor and Daryl stooped to pick them up.   
“How did that idiot manage to get ten packets of eye drops, but miss antibiotics?” Daryl shoved them in the bag and looked up at me, catching more cartons that I threw down.   
“That’s it cleared out.” I told him. “I’m a genius for coming here.” I put my hands on my hips, triumphant at the two bulging bags of medicine. That was gonna help. Both medically and in terms of native relations with Hershel. I leant down to jump from the counter but Daryl’s hands went up to help me down.   
In my head, I felt that it was odd for him to touch me like that, but I put my hands on his shoulders anyway and stepped down. I could feel his muscles flex under my hands as he set me on floor, a bit closer than a whole step away. I was close enough to make out the flecks of green in his blue eyes, but he had a constant squint on his face, constantly looking suspicious, sceptical. His hands flew off of my waist as soon as he realised that we were near each other.   
“I think we’re done here.” I stepped back from him.   
I was attracted to him, there was no denying that. He was ruggedly handsome and had that tough quality that made me want to get to know him. Plus his body was hot as hell. I had felt attraction before, of course, but in this environment, everything was heightened. Anger, fear and lust too. His hands on my waist, not even skin to skin contact, made my stomach flip a little. I didn’t want to date him and even though I was attracted to him, I didn’t want to be with him. It was too complicated, too weird, too hard. But it didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends.   
He grabbed one of the bags and stormed out the door towards the car, leaving me to get the other one. It was full and heavy. And I was grateful for that, because it meant that the journey was entirely necessary.  
We got into the car without saying anything, rolling down the windows to get some air flowing around us to keep us cooler. We got to the halfway point on the journey back to the farm when I finally thought of something to say.   
“You should apologise to Carol.” I reasoned.   
He grunted, turning his head to face me. “What?” His hand was out the window, turning it over in the breeze.   
“That argument you had with Carol before we left, you should apologise. I think you were harsh.” I tightened my grip on the wheel.   
“Why’d I care about what you think?” he folded his arms on his chest and stared at me.   
I smirked a little. “You do. You care what I think.”   
Slouched in the passenger seat, he told me to shut up. That was the extent of the conversation between the two of us for the remainder of the ride. He ditched me as soon as the car stopped, storming off down the fields.   
I lugged the two bags into the house. “Whoah.” Beth helped me with the drugs and dropped them onto the table. “You got a lot of stuff.”  
“Yeah. And at least some of it is useful. I took everything. You wanna sort it with me?” I offered, then realised that that might have been a bit presumptuous, but she nodded quick enough for me to not have time to doubt whether I should have offered.   
We sat and sorted everything into piles; Beth let me prattle on about the different things the different medicines did. She was a little spacey, but she was kind and sweet and, I believed, stronger than she, and others, thought.   
“Wanna take a break?” Patricia handed us both a soda and motioned for us to come out on the porch. Carl was already sitting there. He was the member of our group that Hershel’s family liked the most. Probably because he was a kid, but also they had cared for him and felt responsible for him due to it being one of them who actually shot him.   
“Hey, buddy.” I ran a hand over his hair and sat next to him on the bench. A chess set was set out on the small table in front of us and Beth challenged him to a game. There wasn’t much between their ages but it seemed like a decade. That short time on the porch, with chess-playing and soda-drinking and Maggie and Glenn sitting on the steps, it was like a normal scene.   
Lianne jogged up with T-dog, Andrea trailing behind them. Lianne and T-Dog oddly got on really well, she spent more time with him than any of the others possibly. “How’d you get on?”  
I was in the middle of telling her about the haul we had found Carol and Daryl came up to the steps, asking where everyone was.   
T-Dog said they had been waiting for Rick but he hadn’t showed so they didn’t leave. I could see the rage come up in Daryl’s face at the thought of the search for Sophia being abandoned when Shane approached the house, already shouting to Andrea, who had distanced herself a little.   
“It’s time to grow up. We’re taking that barn.” Shane shoved a rifle at T-Dog. “Are you with me?” He thrust a rifle in Daryl’s face. He only hesitated for a half second before grabbing the gun. “We thought this place was safe, well it’s not! That barn is full of Walkers!” The rage was making his face turn red, his jaw was clenched like he was going insane.   
“You have to stop! My dad will make you leave if you guys do this.” Maggie jumped up, looking thoroughly disappointed that Glenn had taken one of the guns too.   
Lori came out, from wherever the hell she had been, and asked what was going but nobody could answer before Carl snaked out from behind me and insisted that we couldn’t leave. He was too scared that we would leave without Sophia.   
But Shane was treating him like an adult. “You have to protect your mom.” He offered a handgun. The thought of Carl with a gun made me uncomfortable as hell, but the thought of him having one when there was no need made me pissed off.   
Lori acted before me and hit Shane’s hand away from her son, seething. I pulled Carl back up the steps but froze when T-Dog yelled to look.   
I wish I had imagined it.   
Rick, Jimmy and Hershel led two rotting Walkers, snarling and lunging, towards the barn. Nobody really made a decision but we all took off, sprinting towards them, demanding answers as a group.   
Seeing Rick with the Walkers, I quickly tried to come up with some sort of reason that he would be doing that. The only reason I could think of was that he was doing it to help relations between us and Hershel. My assumptions seemed to be correct, Rick was trying to calm Shane down by saying that they could talk about it in a minute. But Shane was having none of it, screeching about how the Walkers weren’t sick, they weren’t ill, they couldn’t be saved- they were dead, they were dangerous.   
And then he started shooting. I flinched with every shot that rang out, every bullet that flew into the Walker’s flesh. I could see Lianne out of the corner of my eye, hand on her gun that was tucked into her holster, ready in case she had to do anything, in case Shane turned on the rest of us.   
Daryl, T-Dog and Glenn had their guns poised and ready, but they were seemingly unsure about what to do, not acting. That is, until Shane laid the Walker down with one final bullet, and headed for the barn. We all chased after him those few metres, Rick still struggling with the one Walker he was trying to control.   
I watched in a Can’t-Look-Away fear when Shane grabbed what looked like a pick axe from the ground and started on the barn door. With each splintering hit at the wooden door, he snarls and moans of the Walkers trapped inside got louder, sounding closer.   
“You gotta fight for it! Now! If you want to survive!” Shane roared, smashing up the wood with each throw of the ace.   
Rick was yelling, Glenn was yelling, Lori was yelling. Their shouts were mixing into one big scream, competing with the Greenes’ crying and sobs.   
The undead came out one by one, and then in a rush, a small scale herd, trampling the grass beneath their feet as they stumbled. Shane started shooting and the others had no choice but to join them. Daryl was first, then Rick, Andrea, T-Dog, Glenn but after sharing a look with Maggie first. Her short nod practically gave him permission to go.  
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lianne shake her head. She didn’t want to do it, I knew that. But she had to. She grabbed her gun and took a few steps forward, laying doing three Walkers in moments.   
Carol was standing in shock just feet away from me, her hand covering her mouth. I couldn’t do anything about the Walkers coming out of the barn, but I could comfort as much as I could. So I went to her, placing a hand on her back. She gripped my arm, still stunned at what we were seeing, what was happening. I glanced behind me for a second, seeing Carl on the ground, Lori’s arms around him, trying to comfort him, trying to get him to look away, but he wouldn’t. Or maybe he couldn’t.   
And then it was over and the silence was ringing in my ears. There must have been a dozen of them, crumpled on the ground, all lying there like victims of a massacre. Hershel was folded on his knees, staring at the scene in disbelief. The silence lasted a minute or so, the crunch of grass behind us was the only sound. I turned my head just a little and saw Dale had come back, staring in shock at the place. He had left and everything was okay, he came back and everything had fallen apart.   
I was ready to say something, make people leave for just a while at least, get everyone away from the scene when noise broke through the quiet.   
There was one more snarl, one more Walker. The barn door nudged open just a bit, and then a little bit more until a foot stepped out.   
As soon as I saw her, my stomach fell. I watched her stumble out, almost tripping over her slow feet. We all stared at her, all knowing what had to happen.   
It took Carol a few seconds though. There was a few seconds of denial when she saw her daughter. Sophia’s skin was grey and her face was sunken- she looked just like the other Walkers, just as dead.   
“No.” Carol whimpered eventually and broke out of my hold, running towards her daughter. I yelled for Daryl and he turned just in time to grab her around the waist, stopping her from getting too close to Sophia. It wasn’t Sophia though, not really, not anymore. She wasn’t the kid I did times tables with, who fell asleep with her head on my shoulder as we drove to the CDC, who begged me to teach her and Carl games that I used to play with my sisters.   
Carol was sobbing, yelling out cries for her child. Lori was behind me, pulling Carl back, trying harder to get him to look away so he wouldn’t have to see Rick take those few steps forward.   
He held up the gun, he was barely shaking, but his back was tense.   
The seconds stretched out as Sophia got closer to him, and then it happened. The trigger was pulled and Rick shot. I had to close my eyes but I saw her fall to the ground.   
Carol’s crying was louder than before, it was now the only thing I could hear. Daryl was trying to comfort her, just holding her back, his hand rubbing at her arm in an attempt to be soothing. But the rest of us were quiet. Just numb.


	3. Doctoring

I stepped into the RV, the heat hitting me like I was walking straight into a wall. I breathed out, as if trying to blow away the humid air. Carol was staring, sunken, out of the window. Daryl was perched on the edge of the countertop, his bow resting in between his legs, his feet anchoring it to stay upright.   
“Here.” I put the plate down in front of her, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I never understood the American attraction to the combination, but I had learnt from just one week of Fresher’s Week activities at college that a PB&J sandwich was the cure to many, many ills for the Yanks.   
Carol had ran off just after Rick shot Sophia, headed straight for the RV. I had followed her and for a few moments, she sobbed, hard, leaning on my shoulder. I rubbed her back as soothingly as possible, and then suddenly, she sat up and pulled away, slumping in her space and just stared.   
We sat for a half hour before I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to get up and get out. I told her I was going to fix her some food, but I needed some air too. Daryl must have snuck into the RV when I had left.   
I sat across from Carol, evaluating her, taking in nothing but silence. Every so often, my glance drifted over to Daryl.   
He was staring, hard, at the woman. His eyebrows were furrowed, close to anger, but not quite touching it. His hair had grown out since we had first all met. It was darker too. My hair, originally a dark auburn with flashes of bright, natural ginger, had lightened up from the constant exposure to the sun and had almost blonde natural highlights splashed through it. How his grew darker, I didn’t understand.   
The appearance of Lori interrupted my staring as she told us they were ready to hold the funerals. “They’re ready. Come on, now.” Lori spoke softly, nodding out the door.   
“Why?” Carol spoke for the first time in about an hour.   
“Why? Cause that’s your little girl.” Daryl leant forward, his hands resting on his knees. I could see him getting more and more worked up.   
Carol shook her head and then she spoke more in a few seconds than she had all day. She said that it wasn’t Sophia, it wasn’t. She told us that her Sophia, her daughter? She died in the woods, she died a long time ago.   
I couldn’t tell if she was trying to say that her daughter couldn’t have become a monster, or that it stopped being her daughter when it became a monster. Both ways made sense, both idea could give comfort.   
I exchanged a look with Lori. “But you never got to say goodbye to her then. You can do that now.” I reached across the table and touched my fingers to the back of her hand. She barely even registered it. She had retreated back to silence.   
I dropped my head, she had made up her mind. So I just got up: I couldn’t convince. It wasn’t my job to do it either. Lori turned and left, I jumped from the RV a second after and I heard Daryl huff a sigh out before following.   
Lori jogged ahead, leaving Daryl and I.   
“She just needs time.” I assured him. Well, I mostly assured myself.   
“What kinda bitch doesn’t go to her own kid’s funeral?” He muttered, slinging his bow onto his shoulder.   
I just ignored him as we reached the graves. Every ‘service’ was the same: always kinda unreal. People always dispersed real quick after.   
Lianne threw her arm over my shoulders and we walked back towards the house, among the last to leave. “How’s she doing?”  
“She’s pretty quiet.” I sighed and leant into her shoulder. “Can’t blame her, I guess. I know I kinda gave up on finding Sophia alive, but not everyone did. Daryl’s pretty torn up, I think.”  
“How can you tell?” We leant against the fence, just a couple of metres from our camp. “I mean, to me, he always looks like he’s fighting off a bad case of heartburn.”   
I breathed out a short laugh and rolled my neck.   
“Always got that damn stare on him, like he’s waiting on a bear to appear, waiting for something to shoot.” She mimicked him shooting, squinting into the distance. “Man, I bet he has the look on him even when he’s in bed with some chick.”   
I laughed at the thought, my giggle pushing me out to lean over the wooden fence. Then I felt bad for laughing.   
I felt guilt for laughing on the other days, but especially so when the Greenes and Carol had felt such devastation, so I pushed it down, slowing my chuckles until I fell silent.   
“It’s alright to laugh, Evie.” Lianne nudged me with her elbow.   
Her statement surprised me and my hair prickled a little. “I know. I laugh.”  
“Not like you used to. I could come home from the library and find you cry laughing at those British TV shows you’d watch.” Lianne leant back, her hands clutching the wood and she pushed herself away from it a little, her feet still rooted in place.   
I pursed my lips. “A lot less to laugh at nowadays, babe.”   
“Honey, there is always somethin’ to laugh at.” She stared at me. I didn’t return her look. She was right, but whenever I did laugh, it was always tainted with that damn guilt. I couldn’t think about it anymore because someone from inside the house yelled my name.   
I didn’t even stop to yell back, to see what they wanted, I just ran through, knowing that their voice was urgent. I ran, my feet thumping at the ground and then the porch stairs and yanked open the doors to the house.   
“Maggie?” I called through the rooms. She hollered from up the stairs and I trampled through the rooms and practically threw myself up the stairs, I could hear Lianne running up behind me.   
I swung through the doorframe into Beth’s bedroom. She was lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, unmoving. Glenn and Maggie were standing, looking over the teen, Patricia in the corner.   
“What happened?” I moved to the bed. The blonde’s blue eyes were pointed straight at the ceiling, almost unaware that we were in the room.   
“She just collapsed.” Maggie threw out her hands, confused.   
I tensed my brow and knelt on the mattress, just by her side. Glenn moved to stand behind me and murmured that they couldn’t find Hershel.  
“What do you mean?” Lianne asked, frowning. I clutched Beth’s wrist, taking her pulse. I stared at my wrist watch, waiting for the minute to be up.   
“He’s not in his room, he’s not in the house. I don’t know where he’s gone.” Patricia’s words came out rushed, panicked sounding in her voice.   
Lori ran into the room, almost knocking Lianne out of the way. “What happened?”   
“She collapsed.” I chewed at my lip. “Heart rate is about 95. Could be normal if she has a normally high rate, but she’s about five beats away from tachycardia.” I leant over and felt her forehead. “Lori, can you get Rick? I want Hershel here, she’s his kid. Maggie, can you bring me up your dad’s kit please?”   
They set about what I asked them to do. Maggie returned before a minute was up. Beth was clammy, feverish and when I took her temperature, she was just .3 degrees above normal.   
“She’s just borderline. Not immediately in danger, but if it keeps going then she’s gonna be sick.” I tied my hair up. “I need cool compresses and take off some of her layers.” The tiny torch in the kit was handy. I shone it in her eyes, seeing if she would follow the light stimulus, but she practically ignored it. Then I wondered if she could see. I got closer and examined her sight. Her eyes seemed healthy, she just wasn’t responding. “She’s catatonic.”   
Patricia stared laying the cloths on Beth: along her forehead, her neck and her limbs. “What’s that?”   
“Unresponsive, basically. She have a history of any sicknesses? Mental illness?” I questioned Maggie but she shook her head.   
“Healthy as a horse. A little sensitive and worrying, but nothing major.” The older girl stroked her younger sister’s hair. Although I had my emotionless, medical head on, the sight of the sisters together tugged at my chest and made me miss my sisters like hell. God, the pain was so much that I could have doubled over and cried over the longing. Before I could cry though, Rick burst in, followed closely by his wife and Shane. They went to Hershel’s room and found it empty.  
I turned away, busying myself with opening up the windows to let the air in a bit more.  
“Is there anything else you can do?”   
I turned to see Maggie back in the room, back sitting with her sister. The others stood together, staring at me, waiting for answers.   
“I can set up an IV. It’ll keep her from getting dehydrated, flush her system a little. But I want to hold off on medication for right now. Honestly, I’d rather your dad be here to decide about drugs.” I told Maggie.   
“I don’t think you’re gonna have that luxury, Evie.” Rick leant a hand on the door. “Glenn and me, we’re going to see if we can get him back. Maggie thinks he’s in town, at a bar. Until we get him back, you’re in charge.”   
I gulped and bit the inside of my lip. “Fine. But I’m still holding off on meds.”   
They agreed, Maggie somewhat reluctantly, and left to go and find Hershel.   
Patricia was a quiet, slightly mousy, southern farm wife and I think it killed her to not be able to do anything. So she busied herself with getting more cold flannels.   
“Come on, Beth.” I stared at the blonde on the bed. “You can wake up.”   
-  
It was a few hours later and Beth wasn’t improving. In fact she was deteriorating.   
Her pulse was rising, getting to 120 and when I pressed the stethoscope to her chest, I was almost deafened by the racing of the muscle. When she had edged to over 101 degrees, we had mixed some Tylenol with water and got it down her, rubbing her throat to help her swallow the medicine. It hadn’t rose any further, but did stay at that almost-dangerous temperature.   
“Alright, I’m getting medicine.” I gnawed at the inside of my cheek.  
“What’s actually wrong with her?” Lori questioned me.   
“Catatonia. It’s probably post traumatic. Her body’s just kinda shutting off, protecting itself. Honestly, if it was normal circumstances, I’d be putting her in the psychiatric ward. She’s not coping with the deaths. She’s pretty much in full body denial.” I ran a hand through my hair. God, I wished Hershel was here. “I’ll run down and get the drugs, she should be okay for just now.”   
Patricia nodded, staying in the room with Lori.   
“I’ll help you.” Andrea followed me downstairs. I let her follow me as I jogged down the stairs and into the kitchen where we had been storing the medications. I wasn’t one hundred percent sold on Andrea; she was very up and down, her intentions were kinda skewed at times, in my opinion.   
“What are we looking for?” Andrea leant on the worktop as I pulled the bags up and started rifling through them.   
“We need sedatives. First choice would be benzodiazepines. It’ll slow her heartbeat, keep her asleep hopefully. I know we have some, I just don’t know where they are. Beth put them away.” I started to sort through the boxes.   
“What about amobarbital?” Andrea held up a pack.   
“Mm, only if we can’t find the benzos.” I shook my head without looking and kept searching.   
“Can’t we use them both? Wouldn’t it help keep her heartbeat low?” Andrea dropped onto a hip, questioning me.   
“Nuh. Don’t work well together.” I shook my head. “Fun fact though, amobarbital is said to be able to be used as a truth serum. It’s supposed to lower inhibitions so you tell people things you wouldn’t normally. I mean, we could use it on Beth: you can use it to help with the mutism she’s got if you enhance it with caffeine.”   
I could feel her staring at me, taking in my words. “I’ll keep that in mind.”   
“Found them.” I held up a couple of boxes of Lorazepam. Seconds later I found a few packs of Diazepam. “The thing is, what one?”   
“Can’t we use both?”   
“Nope. Can slow her heart so much she’d die.” I sighed and settled on the Lorazepam. One of the boxes had liquid vials instead of tablets, which was better for Beth’s situation. I grabbed them and we went upstairs.   
Within ten minutes of administering it to her, her heartbeat came back down to a healthier 90. Her temperature was still high but it had plateaued at least.   
By dinner time, her fever had broke but I kept up the sedative to keep her asleep, upping the fluids from the IV. I felt comfortable leaving her alone this time. I stood by the door though, as the others sat down to eat dinner. The others still weren’t back yet. Surely it wouldn’t have taken all day to persuade Hershel to return home, not when he knew his kid was unwell. It was only when Patricia called for Lori that we all realised she wasn’t there.   
Turns out she had gone out on her own to bring back the others from town. Carl was upset, actually he was terrified. The thought of his father and his mother being gone was devastating to him, I guess. We tried to reassure him, but there was only so much we could say to help him.  
It was well into the night, when I was sitting in Beth’s room on the windowsill, that Patricia came in.   
“How’s she doin’?”   
I watched the older woman brush Beth’s hair from her face affectionately, almost like a mother. “She’s alright. Temperature’s coming down, slowly. And her heart rate’s okay.” I swung my legs off of the windowsill, moving away from the breeze coming in the window. “You mind if I step out for a minute?”  
“Of course, go.” She nodded and perched on the bed. I left her without much of a second glance and headed downstairs to go out, grabbing some bread to take out with me. I knew exactly where I was going. Daryl had apparently decided to move out of our little camp and into a settlement on his own. Carol had told me; he let her know in a really great manner that he ignored Lori’s asking him to go to town.  
It was incredibly dark, but my eyes had adjusted over the months to moving about in the night time so I could see relatively well. I could hear better though. And I could hear Daryl shouting at Carol from half the field away. I didn’t speed up though, Carol could handle herself now but Daryl would never do anything more than just shout at her.   
When I arrived, it was pretty much just a stare off. Daryl’s glance over to me made Carol turn around.   
“Hi, Evie.” She smiled tiredly at me. “Beth still okay?”   
I nodded and before I could say anything else, she walked past me, touching my shoulder, and headed up for the house. “You’re definitely a charmer, Daryl. What was that about?” I questioned, taking in the dead animals hanging from a rope behind him. I grimaced slightly. It was like the raccoon was staring at me.   
“Nothin’. Why can’t y’all just leave me be?!” he turned away from me, pacing a little bit.   
“Because we can’t resist you obviously.” I rolled my eyes at him. My sarcasm seemed to take his last nerve and he rounded back on me. I almost jumped when his face glared, inches from me.   
“You gotta stop with comments, bitch.” He glowered. I could almost see the rage seeping out of him. “I could kill you! You know I could!”  
His childish actions infuriated me. “Yeah, you could. But so could anyone else in this camp. So could a dog. In fact, so could a real determined squirrel.” I saw his eyebrows furrow a little bit, almost a flinch when I raised my voice. “I’m not scared of you, Daryl. I don’t give a shit if you think you’re too tough or too damaged or too…whatever to be part of our group. You don’t have a choice anymore, you’re part of this freaky little family unit we have. Because guess what? We have nobody else.”   
He didn’t say anything but he did take a step back. Maybe my words had some effect. Maybe he didn’t even listen to them, but I wasn’t in the mood to find out so I took off, heading back up to the house.   
Just as I reached the top field, one of the cars pulled up at the house. It wasn’t Rick, but Shane. He must have gone to find Lori and bring her home. By the time I reached the group, Lori was shouting at Shane. He lied to her to bring her back. “I had to look after you! Look after the baby.”   
All of us stared. All of us stopped. Baby? My eyes went to Lori’s face who was looking slightly terrified but angry too. My gaze dropped to her stomach, even though I knew she wouldn’t have been showing. I felt a stabbing feeling in my gut that was almost anger at myself. What kind of doctor was I if I couldn’t even notice that someone I spent a lot of time with was pregnant?   
“You’re having a baby?” Carl stared at his mother, his eyes peeking out from under the brim of his sheriff’s hat. “Why didn’t you tell me?”   
She didn’t even have a second to answer before Carl ran away from her and into the house. I couldn’t tell if she was going to shout at Shane or go after her son but I stepped in, like an annoying neighbour. “Come on, I gotta check you over.” I moved towards her.   
“I’m fine, Evie.” She pushed her hair from her face and blinked, but Dale wasn’t taking a ‘no’ for an answer.   
“Come on, Lori. Let’s just go inside. Let her give you a look over.” Dale tugged at her arm and she gave in, letting him pull her towards the house. I followed them in, Andrea came quickly behind me.   
I left Dale and Andrea in the upstairs sitting room while I went with Lori into one of the bedrooms. The farmhouse was huge, bigger than I thought when we first arrived. There were only superficial cuts and bruises on her face and her arms.   
“Follow the light. Are you in pain anywhere?” I questioned, shining the light in her eye. Her pupil followed the light.   
“No, just a little achy. My neck’s a bit sore, whiplash, I guess.” She told me as I switched eyes. When I switched off the torch, she blinked for a moment and watched me. “Am I okay?”   
“Seems so.” I nodded. “No signs of concussion or anything. I wanna feel your neck though.” I held my hands out, asking for permission a little before putting my fingers on the back of her neck, moving it slowly and softly. Probably just whiplash. “When did you find out?” I asked her. I didn’t look at her as I asked, I didn’t want to pressure her.   
She cleared her throat a little. “Glenn got me a test on the first pharmacy run. When Carl was still recovering.”   
I nodded. “How far along are you?”   
“Maybe six weeks?” she shrugged. But then she quickly changed her answer. “No, less. It’ll be maybe three weeks.”  
Six weeks ago, she thought Rick was dead. So he couldn’t have been the father. Three weeks ago, though? Rick was with us. Her new answer was a safer one.   
I could feel her tense though, beneath my fingers, I could feel the muscles. Almost fear that I had figured her out. I took a step back and nodded. “Three weeks sounds about right.”   
She let out a breath and stayed silent as I put things back in the kit. “Can you check the baby over?”  
I bit my lip and shook my head. “Sorry, there’s not much to check at this stage. Not without equipment. Later on, when you start to show I can do physical exams but until then, I don’t have any equipment to check you out. Sorry, Lori.” I sat on the bed by her side. “Also, I don’t have kids, I’m not that experienced in prenatal stuff, so you’re probably more in the know about pregnancy than me. But I did do a rotation for five months in a paediatric ward at home when I was in third year. I was sick when I was younger so I thought I’d be able deal with kids being unwell and stuff?” I didn’t break long enough for her to ask me what had been wrong with me. “Turns out I couldn’t. But I know enough stuff that I can get by on. Plus, I’m like a pro at getting kids to go to sleep.”   
It was in the hospital, on that rotation of the kids ward that I realised I wouldn’t be able to be a paediatrician. A kid, who I had gotten to know over those months who had a heart defect, died three weeks before I finished up in the wards. I couldn’t face that every day.   
She smiled softly at my chattering before staring at the closed door. “I need to talk to Carl.” She sighed, pulling at her hair.   
“No time like the present.” I pushed myself up and went for the door. She followed reluctantly and went out to see her son. Carl sat in the middle of one of the hard sofas, he didn’t look angry or upset which was good. Andrea and Dale sat on the other one, watching him, trying to keep him company and calm at the same time.   
Lori and I sat on either side of Carl, sandwiching him in. She wrapped an arm around her son and stated to apologise for not telling him about the pregnancy.   
“You must have a lot of questions.” Lori’s voice was soft. I think everyone had questions for her to be honest. She lowered her voice even more and said to the adults in the room. “We never had The Talk.”   
I’d rather have faced a Walker. “I’m not doing it.”   
“You’re the doctor.” Dale raised his white eyebrows up.   
“Yeah, and you’re the old man who should be able to explain it.” I narrowed my eyes at him with a smile.   
“Sounds good though, right? Big brother Carl?” Carl grinned. God, he turned right back into a little kid, one that wasn’t being subjected to this crappy life.   
“Sounds great, buddy.” I flicked the rim of his hat and he beamed, looking between me and his mom. His gaze got caught, though, when Shane came in the door. He leant on the doorframe and asked if he could talk with Lori. Dale said no immediately but Lori relented eventually.   
With one last glance between Shane and Lori before ushering Carl out of the room. “I’m gonna sit with Beth for a bit.” I told them. Carl had already taken off to go downstairs, but I got hold of the sleeve of Dale’s shirt before he could follow. “You watch that boy, Dale. Don’t let him out of your sight.”  
He nodded, slightly confused, maybe a little bit scared but he agreed and when I left to go to Beth’s room I heard his footsteps thud down the carpeted stairs.   
Beth was pretty much just the same. I checked over her vitals and they had definitely improved since she first got sick but has stayed the same since I had last checked on her. No change was better than bad change.   
Nobody was sitting with her when I got in so I dropped myself onto the rocking chair in the corner of her room. I couldn’t do much else but periodically check on her. We had pumped so much fluids into her that I was surprised she hadn’t broken from her catatonia just to pee but she was still…still.   
I sat in the chair well into the night, Patricia came in and out every so often. I was gonna stay there until Hershel came back. I was not wanting to answer to him if his daughter died on my watch, under my inexperienced, slightly unconfident care.   
I was almost dropping off when I heard footsteps coming up the hallway. I leant my elbows on my knees and rubbed at my face. I could it tell it was Lianne before she came into view. She had a power walk, even her worn in boots gave it away.   
“Hey, hon.” She came in, giving a cursory glance to Beth and when seeing she was still unmoving, focussed back on me. “What’s happening?”   
I pulled my hair from its plait and dragged my hands through it. “Literally nothing.”   
“Well, I’m heading out to bed. You gotta sleep Evie.” Lianne folded her arms and leant on one of the walls. I glanced over at the clock. 3am.   
My eyes were tired but I couldn’t leave. “I’ll sleep in a bit, I just wanna make sure she’s okay.”   
“There’s seriously nothing more than you can do, you crazy Brit.” Lianne rolled her eyes at me. She was much tougher than I was. Not less caring, not at all. But a lot more…factual, maybe? She found it easier to separate herself from things. I was always too involved. It was a constant criticism all through my studies. And maybe it did hurt me at points, but it also spurred me on to make sure I did everything I could.   
“I can’t. Everything’s happening. Beth’s dead to the world, Lori’s knocked up, Glenn and Rick and Hershel are still gone, Shane’s a psycho probably, and Daryl’s being a pain in the ass redneck.” I summed up our situation.   
“May be, but you still need to rest. You can’t run on soda and bread.”  
“Yeah, I know. But I’ll nap later.” My hands went to the tiny stuffed elephant that I had displaced from the chair to the floor.   
She raised an eyebrow and flipped her blonde hair out. “I am not gonna be the one to save your butt from sleepwalking because you’re an overtired little goober.”   
“I’m not a goober. I don’t even really know what a goober is, but I’m not.” I tossed the little elephant at her. She caught it and squished it in her hands.   
“Whatever. I’m going to bed. Wake me if I miss anything.” She threw the toy back at me and then left the bedroom.   
And it was fully my intention to stay awake and check on Beth, and I did, for a while. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4.30am but the next thing I knew, Maggie was shaking me awake.   
With a deep inhale, I stretched my hands out and blinked away the dryness of sleep. “Oh shit.” It was seven. I had slept for a couple of hours, but I was still in the same place so I guess I hadn’t walked off. “Sorry, Maggie, I was trying to keep an eye on Beth.” I got up and checked her over.   
“Evie, darlin’, don’t worry. Get outta here. Go sleep, or wash, or eat, or something. Get out of the damn room.” Maggie folded her arms and watched me. “You’ve done enough for us.”   
“I’d just rather wait for your dad to come home before I ditch her.” I admitted.  
“Well, they’re heading out to get them just now, so he’ll be home soon.” Maggie assured me.   
I chewed at my lip for a second. “Okay. But come and get me if you need me, I’ll be right outside. And I gave her another dose of Lorazepam at four. And I lowered the rate of fluids. And-”  
“Go, Evie.” She almost laughed. Almost.   
I felt almost like one of the Walkers as I trudged through the house and out the door. I was so ready to make a beeline for the tents but I saw Daryl and Shane at the truck. Andrea was heading towards them, holding holsters and guns.   
“They’re going to look for them.” Lori told me. She was sitting on the porch behind me, I didn’t notice her when I passed.   
“Yeah, Maggie said.” I said over my shoulder, still watching those who were readying themselves to go. Looked like Daryl was ready to re-join the group. Maybe what I said mattered, but maybe it was Carol, and maybe it was just because he was bored on his own.   
I was just about to go over to say good luck when T-dog pointed over past the fields. All of our heads turned to see the rusty red truck ambled into eyeshot. It wound through the road and the brakes screeched up at the house. The three men tiredly stepped out of the car, weary looking and slightly bloodied. Carl shot passed me and tackled his father into a tight hug. Maggie’s footsteps hit hard off of the porch wood and she threw herself down the steps, missing out her father and going straight to Glenn.   
I heard Lori approach behind me and she hugged her husband, ignoring his pawing at her bruised face in confusion.   
“Patricia, Evie, prepare for surgery.” Hershel wiped his hands on his trousers and headed into the house.   
In confusion and slight panic, I studied the three seemingly uninjured men. Who was I going to be operating on?   
“Who the hell is that?”   
I turned to look at when T-Dog was staring, we all took a half step forward from where we all individually stood to peer in the car to see the unconscious, blind folded man slumped over in the back seat of the truck.   
“That’s Randall.” Glenn almost sighed, tiredly.


	4. RV Roof

I had never actually operated on anyone who was alive. I had worked on many cadavers and I had read about surgery for hours and hours on end and I had stitched up lots of people but I had never opened anyone up to operate. It was weird to do. Interesting and slightly exhilarating, but odd.  
It had gone quite well. I mean he was still alive, I hadn’t killed him. We had managed to repair his muscle in his calf and the superficial wounds but there was damage in his nerves that we couldn’t repair. He wouldn’t be the same again, his leg wouldn’t ever be back to full use.  
I flopped down in one of the chairs of the dining table, one of the last to join, what looked like, a town meeting. There was a spot of blood on the inside of my forearm, just above a tattoo that I had. I wiped at it whilst the arguments started.  
Should he stay or should he go?  
My attention piqued when the door opened to the dining room. Daryl slid in, closing the door silently behind him and he stood against the wall. We nodded at each other and I watched as he looked at Carol, pulling a small smile from her.  
The arguments went on, Shane starting to shout pulled at my strings.  
“He’s unconscious for sure for a few hours, if not the whole day. We get to take our time for this.” I reasoned with them, looking around the table for any dispute. “We don’t get to mull over situations like this anymore, it’s all split second fucked choices. So this is a luxury for us nowadays. We have the options we’ve already heard, anyone else can think of another idea and we decide in the morning.” I offered. There were some surprised faces looking at me. I rarely made statements over group issues, I just kept my opinion to myself- and usually Lianne- and went with the group majority.  
“Why the morning? Why not in months? Why not until we wait until this guy runs off, finds his group and comes back to kill us?” Shane’s baseball mitt hands pressed down on the table cloth and for a second, the only thing I could think about was that he was going to get the white cloth dirty.  
“Well, Shane, I knocked you on your arse in a second yesterday morning. I’ll take full responsibility for doing it to Randall if he tries anything.” I stared at him. His stare was a little scarier than mine but I didn’t waver and it was him who stopped and went to storm off, that wasn’t before he and Hershel has a bit of an issue. Hershel was never going to forgive Shane for what he did at the barn. Never. He wanted him gone but respected Rick’s plea for him to be allowed to stay.  
Hershel made it clear he wasn’t prepared to do more than let him stay. With a hard yank of the doors, Shane took off down the porch and off into the fields.  
“I don’t know about everyone else but, god, do I need a nap.” I stood up from the table and we all started to filter out of the room. I headed for the outside, growing in exhaustion.  
I was a little tired before they came back, but now I was pretty much dead on my feet. The lack of need for me to be awake due to Hershel’s return combined with the stress of the surgery meant I had been drained on energy.  
“You trying to get a seat in the group of leaders?” Lianne elbowed me with a smirk. “Cause if you are, I’m going use your position for evil.”  
I shook my head. It wasn’t meant as a display of aggression or a challenge of his position in the group. I didn’t want his space of leadership. I didn’t want to make hard decisions “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m not vying for control. Trust me, I’m not planning a coup.”  
“I’d want in on it if you were.” Lianne took off into a jog towards T-Dog. I knew they were getting ready to go for gun practise. I just shook my head at her.  
She had just left when Daryl fell into step with me. Silently.  
“So have you called the moving vans?” I questioned after a few paces. He looked at me with rough confusion.  
“What?”  
“For your big move. Suburbs back to the city.” I gestured to our ‘city’ of tents as we reached the campfire.  
He just shook his head, suppressing a small smile.  
“You came back.” I sang.  
I didn’t know what it meant. That he cared for us? Or he cared about what I said? Or he felt guilty about what happened with Lori? Or maybe he just got bored, who knows? But he did come back.  
“Shut up, Doc.” He cleared his throat gruffly, shoving his hands in my pockets.  
“I would stick around and continue to annoy you, but I’m tired and I need some sleep.” I stopped at my tent. He carried on walking.  
“Careful not to wander.”  
\--  
It was a few days after we had operated on our new guest. Randall was recovering at an exceedingly quick rate, he was able to walk, albeit with a limp. The majority of the group, myself included, sided with Rick and decided to leave Randall with a bottle of water and some bread miles away from the farm. Reckless? Maybe. Harsh? Maybe. But the best option? I believed so. They were taking him out the next day.  
We- and by we I mean the majority of our group- sat in our camp, surrounding the fire. Lianne and Glenn had convinced me, or rather forced me, into playing guitar for the group. It did seems to lift the mood a little, but I didn’t enjoy playing so I tried to convince the others to sing. That night, I sang, as quickly and as clearly as I could, the song Jolene. The majority of songs I had been taught when I was younger had been either Scottish folk songs or covers of songs that were in the charts as I grew up. Not all British hits made it across the ocean to America, apparently, so I only had a few country options to choose from.  
My sisters used to call me Jolene when I was teenager. I had auburn hair, unruly and hard to control, and my eyes were not quite emerald, but dark green, which was close enough for them to dub me the namesake of the song.  
“Another one!” Dale laughed as I set the guitar onto the grass by my seat. But I shook my head.  
“I’m gonna go up to the RV. I’ll swap with Andrea.” I shoved my feet into my shoes and pulled my blanket around me. It wasn’t cold really, I just used it to keep me cosy.  
“You don’t do watch though.” Carl protested. We got on so well, I normally made sure that I was around him, just an extra set of eyes but I needed some time to myself.  
“I do tonight.” I winked in reassurance and climbed into the RV to pull myself up onto the roof. Andrea just nodded and swapped with me. I settled into the camping foldaway chair on the roof. The rifle lay at my side, not that I’d probably have to use it or anything. I kept my eyes on the horizon, where the fields melted into the treeline, and the trees blended with the dark sky.  
The melancholy feeling was swamping me, rising from the tips of my toes through my body and polluted my mind with darkness. I didn’t know if it was seeing Maggie care for her sister, or Carl get excited about his mother’s pregnancy, or maybe something else entirely, but I was yearning for my family more than I ever had.  
I missed my sisters like nothing on earth. Being around Maggie and witnessing her ever present care and concern for her little sister reminded me constantly that I didn’t have mine anymore. And, god, did that hurt. Sometimes, mainly at night, if I was alone or if I was sitting working on something that I didn’t really need to focus on, my mind would got to home and my family. I had such a normal life. I was a student. I boozed. I studied. I argued with my parents and sisters. I had Christmas dinner with my entire family. I watched films like Titanic and cried.  
But now. I was without family, I was without the normal stuff I had worked literally all my life for, and I was stuck, in the middle of Georgia, without any real connections to anybody. Not even Lianne, not really.  
The thoughts corroded at my brain, literally seeping into my mind and before I knew it I was crying. I didn’t really cry that often anymore. I mean I had sobbed when I figured out what had happened, what was going on in the world: Lianne and I both did as we drove to her parents’ home. And we cried when we found them. But since then, it was just tears every now and then, wet faces when I got really terrified, like in the CDC when we thought we were going to be blown up.  
The tears were hot and itchy and salty as they slid onto my lips. I just let them fall, I didn’t even sniff or blink them away. That is, until I heard the ladder at the side of the RV clank as somebody climbed up it. They were up to the top in seconds.  
“Hey.” It was Daryl. He pulled himself up over the edge of the RV and onto the roof.  
I wiped my face with the palms of my hands and leant back on my seat. “Hi.”  
Silently, he perched on one of the coolers that wasn’t cool anymore. “’S up with you?”  
What’s up with me? Where was I supposed to start? I blinked to clear my watery vision and inhaled deeply, pulling on of my legs up onto the chair. “Just thinking.”  
“’Bout what?”  
“Everything.” I breathed. He didn’t say anything in, what I took, as in invitation to go on. “The group. Our prospects. My family. The fact that maybe you were right, what you said the other day to Carol. That we’re kidding ourselves to believe that this group that we have is a family.” My voice got thicker and the lump of my throat rose, becoming physically painful to swallow. “I’ve lost my family and I’m never gonna see them again. And that fucking sucks.”  
He didn’t say anything for a second and then cleared his throat. “So has everyone else. You were the one that said it, the only people we’ve got are sitting in this field right now. We don’t have another choice, so why think about it so much?”  
I stared at him, his eyes kept mine. He didn’t normally do that, he normally broke off eye contact with me, with everyone, unless he was shouting. Those feelings came in, pulling at my chest a bit. “We don’t-” I shook my head. “You don’t even know me.”  
“I know you.” His eyes twitched a little bit, almost a more intense squint.  
“No, you don’t. Not really.” I shook my head, almost daring him to contradict me. “Not real stuff. What are my sister’s names? Have I ever been arrested? What jobs did my parents have? God, do you even know how old I am?”  
He kept up our stares for a second and then looked away. “I guess not.”  
“Exactly.”  
“So?” It took him a second before he questioned, as if building up courage to talk to me about it. I looked at him in confusion. “So tell me.”  
“Tell you what?” I frowned.  
“Tell me the answers. How old are you?”  
I tensed my face and surveyed him for a minute. “How old do you think I am?”  
Daryl’s eyes moved over my expression. “I dunno. Like, twenty eight?”  
I didn’t quite know whether to be offended or not at his close to thirty estimate. “I turned twenty four just before this all happened. We still had decorations up in our dorm when we left to go to Lianne’s.”  
“Twenty four?” he almost laughed. “You’re just a kid. How can a kid be a doctor?”  
“Shut up.” I shook my head with a smile. “I’m not fully a doctor anyway, like I keep telling everyone.”  
“Whatever.” He rested his muscled forearms on his knees, leaning in towards me. “What about the rest?”  
I pulled my hand down my face and took a breath. “Well. My big sister’s name is Raina. She’s a lawyer. She just started working for the Prison Service a few months before I left. And my little sister? Sawyer. She just started university.”  
“The lipstick thief.” He spoke softly.  
Surprised he remembered that, or even was listening when I talked about it, I laughed. “Yeah. Although we all kinda stole from each other. Raina, she was three years older than me, so she used to steal from our mother, and then when I got older, I stole from her and then Sawyer would steal from me. And yeah, we took each other’s clothes and other stuff, but it was lipstick that we always argued about.” I thought about the time, when Sawyer had just started high school and I caught her with one of Raina’s lipsticks that I had stolen months before. I told Raina that Sawyer took it in the first place and she got the blame for it all. “But I may have stolen from them, but I’ve never been arrested. I was too scared of the thought of having to tell my parents, so I never really did much bad. I mean, I drank too young and I took some drugs and spent…time with boys. But I never did anything too bad.” I ignored his small smirk. “And my parents jobs? My mother was an English teacher at the local high school, which was really fun when three of us had to go to the same place as where she worked. Parent’s nights were pretty easy though.”  
We talked, mostly one sided on my part, for maybe ten minutes more.  
“I came up to swap with you, by the way.” Daryl told me. “The kid wanted to say good night, but he’s probably in bed by now.”  
I rolled my eyes. “His name is Carl, by the way. But thanks. I’m gonna turn in just now, I guess.” I pulled off my blanket and stood up, stretching my arms out, watching him from the corner of my eye.  
He licked his bottom lip quickly, staring at the roof of the RV, as if studying the dirt on it. “You wanna come with me to that hunting store? You know, the one Rick was asking me to go to for supplies for winter?”  
I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling. I liked spending time with him, I really did. “Sure.”  
He nodded and said nothing more.  
“Night.” I dropped the blanket onto his lap, it got cold some nights, and went down the ladder at the side, dropping myself onto the grass. It was only T-Dog and Dale who were up still and I said goodnight before going into the tent. Lianne was already in her bed, not asleep but sleepy.  
“And she returns. Daryl went up to get you a half hour ago.” Lianne spoke to me, hugging her pillow. I just laughed and changed into my night clothes; a vest top and some shorts and pulled on some new socks. “What’d you do? Get married?”  
“Oh shut up. We were just chatting.” I folded up my things and put them on top of my bag.  
“How tired are you?”  
“Relatively exhausted.” And therefore high sleepwalking chances. I climbed into my bed to pull the covers over my body.  
I heard her groan and roll over in her bed. “Great.”

 

Daryl

I spotted her from the roof of the RV. Always wandering in the middle of the night. With a glance to the fields, I knew that there wasn’t any damn Walkers on their way. I swung my leg over the side of the RV and jumped from the ladder onto the ground. Everyone had turned in by now. The fire was almost out, just embers left.  
I cleared my throat when I got to her, but as usual she didn’t respond to it. My hand went to her arm and turned her round. I touched the small of her back and nudged her to her tent. I always felt a little uncomfortable touching her to try to get her back to her tent when she wasn’t aware of it. When my hand touched her skin, I had to push away a sick feeling.  
I didn’t know how she would react if she knew that I took her arm to lead her back to her bed when she was wearing what she was and she wasn’t even conscious of it. I always hated part of myself when I looked at her bare legs and arms, dotted with tattoos, and didn’t really feel bad about it.  
Even though her green eyes were open, she wasn’t seeing anything. I pushed open the tent flap and took her arm in. Lianne was sound asleep in her bed, didn’t even stir as we got in. I pulled back her sheets and took her hands, lowering her to sit down on her bed. She sat there like a statue.  
“Lie down.” I spoke softly. It would be a compromising position to be caught in, people would think the worst of me.  
I felt her hands tighten on mine, I froze. Was she waking up? My heart started pounding but she didn’t do anything so I lay her down. My fingers wrapped around her ankles and swung them softly up onto the bed. She inhaled and her hand gripped the pillow tightly.  
She looked so young. Twenty eight. How could I have thought she was twenty eight?  
I pulled her sheets up to her shoulders. I almost brushed her hair from her face but I stopped myself. Can’t really come back from that. “Night, Evie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Please leave any feedback! I've written quite a lot already but I'm always editing so any thoughts are welcome- for instance, should I keep including snippets of Daryl's thoughts or just leave them out? Thanks for reading!


	5. Anger

I chucked the boots into the box. They were about Carl’s size. We were in the hunting store and it seemed that it had been safe from looting. In fact, pretty much all the stock, except from the guns- was still there, so we piled the stuff into the car. There was already a box of binoculars and guns and scopes, and one with camping gear, so now we were on clothes and shoes.   
“What’s your full name?”   
I threw the folded up jackets in the box. “Huh?”  
“Evie. Is it not short for something?” Daryl questioned me as he piled sweatshirts into a one of the boxes. We were gonna need to stop eventually and as tempting as it was to take everything, we wouldn’t be able to take it all with us, and even if we could, we wouldn’t be able to keep all of it if we ever had to leave the farm.   
“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” I pushed my box back and started on the other one.   
“Well, what is it?”   
“Guess.” I smiled, not looking at him.   
“I’m not guessing.” He snorted. “I’m not a kid.”   
“Well, I’m not gonna tell you what it is, so you’ll just have to die without knowing.” I shrugged, filling up the box.   
“Evelyn?”  
I turned around, he had his eyebrows raised just a little in question. I shook my head. “Nope.”  
“Then what is it?” he tossed the last sweatshirt in.   
“You can keep guessing.” I grabbed the box from the counter and went out to the car to dump it in the truck bed. We had the truck that Rick and Glenn had taken to find Hershel. There was still some of Randall’s blood on it and part of me was freaked out at the thought of having to ride in it. Lori was concerned that we were leaving, in case we ran into Randall’s group, but the hunting store was in the opposite direction of the town they had gone to so we figured it would be safe. Ish.   
“Neve?” he asked when I came back in.   
I shook my head again. “We should go. I think we have enough, if not we can come back later.”   
He grabbed two of the boxes, balanced them one in each arm. I yanked the box from the worktop and carried it out. He took them with such ease, I could barely manage one.  
“That us?” He asked over the roof of the car.   
“Yeah.” I opened up the passenger door and slid in, dodging the crossbow that Daryl chucked in the back seat. We were only about forty minutes out from the farm. I rolled the window down and relaxed with the breeze, my feet propped up on the dashboard.   
“Evanna?” Daryl asked after a few minutes. I laughed softly.   
“No.” I put my hand out the window and let the wind push at my hand, winding in between my fingers. The string bracelet that I had around my wrist wobbled in the breeze, pushing up my arm. “I think that’s enough guesses for today. You can guess again later.”   
He bit at his thumb, I could see him in the rear view mirror. I slid down the seat and leant my head on the headrest. I was close to closing my eyes but I just stared out the open window, watching the unending passing of fields.   
“Uh, here.” Daryl said. We were almost halfway home. His voice pulled me out of a bit of a snooze mood and I turned my head to look at him. His hand was outstretched, his fingers holding a small black tube. His eyes stuck to the road, not looking at me as I took it from his hand.   
I turned it over once in my hand before realising what it was. I sat up straight, dropping my feet down. “No way.” I pulled the lid off and twisted up the nude pink stick of lipstick.   
It didn’t have a brand on it, just a tiny barcode on the bottom with the word ‘Sand’.   
“Where did you get this?”   
“In the store, they had a box in the store room. Weird that they had them in a hunting store though. Musta been like a one stop shop thing.” He shrugged, like it was no big deal.   
It was a big deal though. To me, it was a big deal. He listened to me. I flicked the visor down and looked in the tiny mirror to apply the lipstick. Make up, for the first time in months.   
I used to wear make up every day, I felt abnormal without it. But I looked so unfamiliar now. The lack of make up on the rest of my freckled face made my lips stand out like nothing on earth. It was so close to my natural lip colour that nobody else would have noticed.   
But I was grateful. It was such a sweet gesture.   
I twisted it down and shoved it in my shirt pocket. Feeling rushed, I slid over closer to him, clutched his shoulder and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”   
“Get off.” He raised a shoulder up. I laughed and slumped back down, settling closer to him than I was before.   
“You’re a giant marshmallow really.” I yawned.   
“How can you be tired? You slept all of last night.” Daryl kept his eyes on the road. I don’t think he had really looked at me since we got back in the car.   
“How do you know? I could have been awake all night but just sitting in the tent.” I pointed out. “Anyway, I’m allowed to be tired. It’s exhausting doing nothing for most of the day.”  
We rode the rest of the journey in silence, comfortably, and stared to unload the boxes. We got into the house and immediately the raised voices of sisters reached us. It was a familiar sound.   
I saw Daryl’s hand twitch to go for his crossbow and I almost laughed.   
“Relax. Sounds like sister shit.” I dumped the box on the hallway table before realising there was other voices arguing, this time in the kitchen. “That, however, does not.”   
I took a step forward to listen to Lori and Andrea arguing, trying to keep it quiet but not really succeeding.   
“Look, the men can handle it on their own, they don’t need your help. You sitting up on that RV working on your tan, it just puts the burden on the rest of us with the household chores.” Lori practically hissed at Andrea.   
“I’m up there looking out for Walkers! I’m protecting this camp.” Andrea hit back.  
Daryl walked past to go into the kitchen but I grabbed the back of his vest and pulled him back, pushing him out of the way so I could listen.   
“I don’t give a shit about their bullshitting.” He went to push by me, but I grabbed at his arm and pulled him back again, clinging onto his wrist. Normally he would have shook me off immediately, but he didn’t do anything for a minute. Progress.   
“You should.” I whispered. “Groups can be destroyed over less than two women fighting.”  
I listened to Andrea make digs about Lori’s positions in the group as the matriarch almost; she had her husband, her son, her baby…and boyfriend as Andrea pointed out, slightly harshly.   
Daryl obviously had no interest in listening and he went to get the rest of the stuff from the truck. Hearing the silence in the kitchen I jumped over to the table and started pulling stuff from the box just as Andrea exited the kitchen.   
I could feel her suspicious eyes on me as I said hello. She didn’t reply and just walked on.   
Lori called out my name and I went through to the kitchen. “Hey. We got quite a lot of stuff from the store: boots and clothes and stuff.”  
“Good. Good.” She ran a hand over her hair. “Beth’s suicidal.”   
I almost choked on the air. “What?”  
She told me what happened. Beth was talking weirdly and then took the knife. That’s what she and Maggie were arguing about upstairs. Lori, exhausted looking, asked what we should do.   
“There’s not much we can do. She’s just grieving. She’s dealing with death of her family members as well now having to deal with the real issue with the Walkers. We dealt with it when it first happened, but Hershel told them that the Walkers were just sick. This is her just learning about what’s happening in the world, you know?” I shrugged. “She’s just scared. And we need to keep an eye on her until she gets to grip with it.”   
Lori tilted her head. “So you want her to just get over it?”  
“Not like that. I want her to cope with the pain. We don’t have many options unless you want me to keep sedating her.” I shrugged.   
“Yeah, I guess.” She stared at me and then tilted her head again. “Are you wearing lipstick?”  
-  
“Whose are these?” I held up the shorts to Carl.   
“My mom’s.” he moved the knight on the chess board as I continued to fold up the laundry. I sorted it into piles for each person. All the laundry got done together, each taking turns to do some of the chores. But by ‘each’ I mainly meant the women in the group. “Your shot.”   
I looked at the chess board for a second and then moved my pawn, taking out one of his with a grin. He pouted a little before looking back at the board.   
“Evie!”   
I glanced over to the door, knowing that the yell was coming from upstairs. “Carl go to Dale. Now.”   
He nodded and we both ran off in opposite directions- him setting off down the field and me shooting off into the house.   
Running up those stairs was becoming habit and I dashed into Beth’s room. I could already hear Beth crying and Maggie shushing her. The door to her ensuite bathroom was slightly fractured at the handle and Lori was standing, staring at the sisters.   
“What..?” I didn’t need to finish my question when I saw the blood. I almost swore, but didn’t want to seem mean so I just silently went over. “Lori, can you get me the kit from Hershel’s room?”   
She nodded whilst I went to the bathroom and soaked a cloth in water. The mirror had been smashed and the shards were sprinkled on the floor, making it look like a puddle on the ground. It was suddenly clear what had happened to Beth.   
I almost had to prise Beth’s hand away from her chest. I didn’t know if it was pain, fear or embarrassment over what had happened. The blood was flowing steadily and in an instant, my hands were red and my jeans had drops of blood splattered onto them.   
“It’s okay, Beth. You’re alright now.” I whispered and pressed the cloth to her arm, pushing at the gash. With small dabs, I could see how deep it was. “It’s not life threatening but it is gonna need stitches.” I spoke softly.   
Beth’s face was buried in her sister’s neck, her whole body shaking. Maggie nodded, smoothing down Beth’s hair.   
Lori came back in and I went about stitching up the cut. She was barely even registering the pain of it.   
“I’m gonna kill Andrea.” Maggie whispered.   
I raised an eyebrow, continuing to stitch and listened to her spit that Andrea was supposed to have been watching Beth. I could see she was angry. Any deeper, the cut would have needed a bit more work.   
It only took me ten minutes to stitch and bandage her up, she was a little spaced out so I gave her some pain killers. Lori cleaned up quickly before Hershel could get in. Maggie had to explain it all to him, but he wasn’t angry, he just sat with her and told her that he loved her.   
Maggie moved away suddenly from the window and stormed down the stairs. With a glance out of the window to see Andrea coming up the field, I realised that Maggie was gonna go for her. I tugged Lori’s arm and we went down after Maggie, but they’d already collided at the porch.   
I was as pissed off as Maggie was. Andrea was an idiot to leave Beth alone.   
“She wants to live.” Andrea smiled, and then I realised she did it on purpose.   
“What? Was this some sort of crazy social experiment to prove your point?” I stared. She didn’t have anything to say. “Are you an idiot? People are dying every day and we can’t do anything to help. It wasn’t inevitable that Beth was going to do this- you could have prevented it!”  
I hadn’t been angry at anyone in the group, not really, not to this extent. I ground my teeth as she insisted that it was the best thing to do.   
“The best thing to do?” I moved past Maggie and wiped my bloodied hands on Andrea’s sleeves as she claimed she had the best intentions. “Then why am I covered in blood? If she had pushed a little deeper, it could have been a lot worse. So why don’t you keep your ideas to yourself and don’t push them onto a seventeen year old, vulnerable girl who’s just lost half of her family?” I glared at her, the anger rumbling in my stomach. She had nothing to say, and I wasn’t interested in waiting for her to think of anything so I took off down to the tents.   
“Evie?” Lianne sat up from her lying position on the grass.   
“Not now.” I kept walking. I took off into a run, not sure where exactly I was going, but just ran. I got down to the barn where the Walkers were kept, where Sophia had died, and continued past. I hadn’t run without being chased in ages. It was almost exhilarating. And then I stopped.   
I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell. But I knew better. Why was I so affected by this? Maybe because Sawyer was around the same age. Maybe because I understood why Beth was so sad. Maybe because I hated adults betraying each other, putting kids at risk, which is exactly what Andrea did.   
But, like I always had to, I calmed down. I took deep breaths and pulled my heartbeat back down. An apocalypse was no place for a breakdown.


	6. Vote

They had brought Randall back. It was too dangerous to leave him there on his own, so they brought him back and now Shane was itching to kill him.  
It was a weird recurring theme with Randall; saving then leaving then saving then leaving. He wouldn’t tell us anything, maintained that he knew nothing, that the group he was with was no danger. But there were doubts over this. From what Rick and Glenn had seen from two of the members, they were smart and pretty ruthless.  
“The amobarbital.” Andrea said suddenly. We were standing in the field close to the house, just a few of us. Dale, Rick, Andrea, Shane and I. I don’t know why I had been let into the decision making circle, but apparently I had.  
“What about it?” Rick looked at her, his hands folded across his chest.  
“Evie said it can be used for truth serum. We inject him with that, he tells us what we need to know.” Andrea said like it was the most obvious solution.  
“No. it’s not approved. It’s hard to use. It’s just as likely to give us false information as it is to give us facts.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to be responsible for giving that out to someone, to use it as an aid to torture.  
“But that’s why you got the drugs, to use them for different reasons.” Rick reasoned.  
“Yeah, I meant for coughs and colds, not unreliable methods used by the frigging CIA.” I rolled my eyes. I could see Dale getting a bit railed at the talk of it.  
“We can’t do this. This is totally against human rights. We keep going along this line, what’s going to be next? Daryl’s already in there torturing him.” Dale waved his hands, almost hysterical.  
Rick managed to persuade me though, saying that Daryl was going to fight with Randall until he got the answers we needed and it would be easier to loosen up his lips, so to speak. Feeling guilty about it, I fetched the drug and syringes to administer it while Rick went to the barn to let Daryl know what was happening.  
Alone, I walked along to the barn and pulled on the door hard, opening it outwards. Daryl looked over, his face dirty and sweaty. He hands were already bloodied from hitting Randall which made him look more menacing than ever.  
With a breath, I went towards Randall. He was cuffed on the floor, sweatier than Daryl, dirtier too and one thousand time more terrified looking.  
“What’s that?!” he shrieked loudly. I jilted back a bit but kept going, kneeling at his side.  
“It’s gonna help. Help you tell the truth.” I said softly. “It’s not gonna hurt, not like what’s gonna happen if you don’t tell us.” I pulled his arm straight and pushed the tip of the needle into his vein, already bulging from the stress. “Please, just tell him. He will kill you.” My voice was low enough that hopefully Daryl couldn’t hear. Maybe the group would choose to kill him eventually, but I really did not want a part in it.  
I stood up, capping the syringe and putting it in my pocket. I took some steps out and leant against the barn wall.  
“How long does it take?” Daryl stared over to me.  
“Minutes.” I told him, biting my lip.  
“Go, Evie.” He gestured to the door with his head. But I shook my head.  
“I can’t. You can kill him if you need to, but he is not dying from drug complications. Death ain’t lying on me.” I ground at my teeth, trying to avoid looking at Randall.  
“You don’t want to see this.” Daryl warned me. But I wasn’t a kid. I could deal with it. So I stood still near the corner. He sighed and turned away from me, pretending that I wasn’t there, I think.  
He started punching Randall, demanding him to tell the truth. “How many?!”  
Randall cried out and said that he had told us everything. Maybe the drugs weren’t working. Daryl wasn’t taking it, so he pulled out his knife from his belt and slammed it into the floor. I jumped a little at the noise, cringing away when the bandage on Randall’s knee that was covering up his wound I had carefully stitched days ago, was ripped off.  
“How many?” Daryl’s voice dropped, his jaw tight.  
“Thirty! They left me behind! They wouldn’t tell me anything- I don’t know anything, I swear, I swear to God.” Randall’s words came out rushed, came out scared.  
It wasn’t enough for Daryl though, his knife went to Randall’s scab on his kneel, tauntingly, so Randall admitted that they had weapons, and lots of them.  
“So what, you’re innocent? They shot at our boys and we’ve to believe you were just a good guy in a bad situation?” Daryl mocked him, pulling at the seams of his scab.  
“They’re not just men, okay? They’re woman and children, just like here.” Randall struggled in his restraints, trying to pull away from Daryl’s knife. “But it’s just the men who go out and scavenge, I go with them sometimes.” Then his expression changed a little bit, kind of regretful, a little bit scared. “But…one time we went out, we found this family. Man and his two daughters.”  
From his change of tone and expression, I knew this story wasn’t going to end too well. I could feel my stomach tighten a little as he went to speak.  
“Those guys, they made him watch… tied the girls up and took both of them, they all took turns.” His voice was getting a little weaker, croakier. I could feel my face starting to tighten in a grimace, I didn’t want to hear it. I looked away, towards Daryl. His face was stoney, controlled with rage. “They didn’t even kill them after, they just left them there in the dirt. They’d taken all their supplies and food, and they just left them. I didn’t do anything, I swear, I didn’t.”  
I don’t know if it was the thought of those girls being violated like that, or prospect of these people coming to our camp and doing the same thing, but I felt sick. My mouth started to salivate as the nausea rose up me. I couldn’t stay there anymore. I shoved open the door and barely took two steps out before I threw up in the grass. My stomach heaved, pushing up its contents. I could hear Daryl giving Randall one final swift kick before sounds resembling Randall getting restrained tighter.  
The sun stuck to my eyes as I readjusted form the dark barn, standing up straight. Daryl came out and locked the door up behind him. His jacket lay on the ground beside his crossbow, thankfully away from my vomit location. He scooped it on and shrugged it on, slinging the crossbow onto his shoulder. “You okay?”  
I pressed my lips together and took a breath. “Guess I should’ve listened to you.”  
He just huffed. Maybe it was agreement, maybe it was laughter. We headed back down to the camp where the rest of the group were standing talking, obviously about our prisoner situation.  
“What’s the deal?” Rick raised his eyebrows in question. I walked past them and grabbed my bottle of water, trying to get the taste of vomit from my mouth.  
“We’re gonna be wiped out.” Daryl heaved a sigh, talking honestly. If he went to his group, and they came for us, they would have destroyed us. “They’ll kill the men. And the women are gonna wish they were.”  
I could feel Lianne’s gaze on me but I avoided eye contact with her, with everyone. I sipped my water, staring mostly at the ground.  
“We gotta eliminate the threat.” Rick shook his head, agreeing with Shane. They all seemed to agree with what Rick was saying, that they had to deal with Randall. And from the way they were talking, it seemed he wasn’t going to leave the farm alive.  
Dale was outraged. “He’s a kid.”  
I was worn out, I didn’t want to deal with this. I wanted to not have to face any of this. I didn’t want to make a decision about the life of a guy who was younger than I was. But there wasn’t many options.  
“I’m going to change.” I spoke softly Lori who was next to me. She nodded distractedly and I slipped off towards the tent. My bed was made up, the blanket tucked in tightly. Even if there was no need to do it anymore, I liked to be tidy.  
Slightly drained, I dropped myself down on the bed, my head buzzing a little. I pulled off my top, the longer sleeves were damp with sweat from the heat, and from the guilt maybe.  
I reached into my bag and fished out my only clean top left. We had gotten lots of winter clothes yesterday, but not many clothes suitable for the extreme heat. I changed into the vest top and made a mental note to put my clothes in for laundry.  
“Evie?”  
It was Daryl’s voice coming through the flap of it the tent. I bit the inside of my cheek and paused for a second before telling him to come in. His hand pushed the material open and he ducked in through the door of it.  
“You ‘right?” he swallowed hard. I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.  
I gave a shrug. “I’m fine.” I dropped my top on the bed and started grabbing Lianne’s laundry to wash later. He was still staring at me, I could feel his eyes boring into me. “I’m just not used to it, I guess. Hurting people. I don’t like hurting people.” I admitted, almost like it was something to be ashamed of. Maybe, in this weird world I should have been ashamed of it.  
“You can knock a guy on his ass in second and you don’t like hurting people?” He shook his head. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed at me, he sounded it a little. Or if he was just questioning.  
“That’s only defensive.” I pointed out. But then he turned. He was angry looking, annoyed at me.  
“You think I want to do all that shit? You think I wanna torture some kid the same age as you? You think I wanna be the killer? All they do is use me to track or kill or whatever. And you know, when it comes to it, it’ll be me that’s gotta kill the kid.” he spat at me. I was jilted back in confusion at his sudden flip of mood. Why did he come and see me if all he was gonna do was shout at me? “You gotta grow up, Evie.”  
And with that, he ditched. I could hear his gruff voice in my head as he stormed off, huffing and puffing like a deranged dragon. It took me a few seconds to come round from that whiplash of changing moods. But eventually I did.  
I spent the rest of the day in the camp, doing nothing, doing chores. The atmosphere was odd. Not tense, but apprehensive.  
I had checked in on Beth, and actually got to talk to her for a while. Although not small talk chatty, she was able to talk to me a little bit.  
I came out of the house, my cleared a little of the events. We were having a vote at night: should he stay or should he go? But as soon as I spotted Dale making a beeline for me, my clear head disappeared.  
“You should know,” I began as Dale caught up with me on my walk down to the camp. He was going to try to get me on his anti-death stance on the vote. “I always hid from political party canvassers that came round the doors at home. I know what you’re trying to do.”  
“So what are you doing?”  
“What? Dead or not dead?” I raised my eyebrows. He flinched a little at my phrasing, but went with it anyway. “I don’t know.” I told him honestly.  
I half listened to his argument as to why I should side with him. And I could see his reasons. All his points trying to convince me were points I had already thought of, already considered. I wasn’t a violent person. The only reason I could fight was due to my dad forcing me to talk classes before I went to university. I didn’t want to be the one who practically sentenced this kid to death.  
By sunset, everyone gathered in the house. It was uncomfortable, again. I had already decided that I wasn’t going to say anything unless someone asked. I didn’t want to voice my opinion because I didn’t really know what the opinion was.  
After a few minutes of arguing, Rick questioned who was against killing Randall. Dale sighed heavily. “Maybe just me and Glenn.”  
But then Glenn looked up, sadly and reluctantly. He shook his head, even he was saying no. “He’s not one of us. We’ve already lost too much, Dale.”  
Dale broke on that and looked around the room desperately. “You agree with this, Maggie?”  
She hesitated a minute, standing, arms folded, next to her father. “Can’t we just keep him prisoner?”  
That would be what I wanted. But I knew it wasn’t an option.  
“Just another damn mouth to feed.” Daryl shook his head, getting frustrated.  
Cue more arguing. I kept my head dipped until my name was called.  
“You’ve been pretty silent on this matter.” Dale raised his eyebrows. I felt his judgement, but also his pleading.  
I rolled my neck and ran my hands over my face. “I don’t wanna kill him.” Sighs echoed in the room and my shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry, okay? Like, I took a pledge when I started doing medicine, when I came over here to do research and work in the hospitals to do no harm. I mean, I don’t want him round here, I don’t want him in camp. But I don’t understand why I worked with Hershel to save him and now we’re turning around and actively killing him. I just don’t get it.”  
“What don’t you get? The situation has changed!” Shane raised his voice at me.  
“Hey, she’s allowed her opinion.” Daryl snapped.  
The warm feeling in my chest was welcome but it was an odd time to feel it so I ignored it as much as I could.  
Carol’s voice made me focus. She told us that she wasn’t voting, she didn’t want to be involved in it. And I could see where she was coming from. We all wanted that luxury of not having to decide on this human being’s fate.  
“Not speaking out…and killing himself yourself? There’s no difference.” Dale was almost threatening, as threatening as he could be anyway.  
“Don’t start on her, Dale.” I shook my head.  
He sucked in a sigh. “Fine. Let’s vote.”  
And we did. Dale and I. And then Andrea sided with us too, said we needed some time to think of another option. So that was it.  
“Three against the rest of us. We gotta go with the majority.” Rick’s hands were on his waist, staring around the room.  
I felt kind of relieved. Maybe I was taking the coward’s way out. I knew that they would have voted to kill Randall. But I just didn’t want it on my conscience. By voting against it, I got to feel like I was a good person even though I knew it was going to go one way, and one way only. Execution.  
“You all gonna watch too?” Dale’s voice was thick with emotion, his eyes pooling with wet tears. “Nah, you’ll all hide your heads and try to pretend you’re not slaughtering a human being.” With a shake of his head, he went to leave the room, pausing only to tell Daryl that he was right. The group was broken.

\---

“Why don’t you play something?” Glenn’s hand wrapped around the neck of the guitar and he handed it to me. I laid it on my lap and played a few slow chords but it didn’t feel right.

“Maybe tomorrow.” I spoke softly and put it on the ground beside me, pulling my legs up to hug to my chest.

They were about to kill him. Rick, Shane and Daryl. I think they were going to shoot him in one of the other barns, but I wasn’t completely sure. Less I knew the better I felt.

Lianne perched on the chair next to me. “I’m sorry.”

I inhaled a deep breath. “For what?”

“For not voting against. I was just scared.” Lianne’s voice was barely audible. She was never quiet, she was never subdued. But there she was, rambling a little.

“Hon, it’s alright.” I patted her hand soothingly. “I get it. I was pretty much bouncing over the lines of indecision, so I get it.”

A rustle in the leaves interrupted Lianne’s speech. We all looked over to see Rick and Carl, looking somewhat downcast. Did that mean it was done?

“We’re gonna keep him in custody for now.” His words had a sense of finality, like there was nothing further to be discussed. My breath fell out of my mouth deeply. I didn’t know if it was relief or disappointment. I couldn’t tell my feelings apart anymore.

I stretched myself out in my seat as Andrea passed to find Dale. The few minutes of silence were punctured though. Screaming echoed through the farm and I dropped my feet on the floor, sitting up poker straight. We all stared off towards the fields, trying to locate it, but nobody moved for a few seconds whilst we were in shock.

But then we got moving. “T-Dog, grab a shotgun!” Rick yelled before we all snatched up torches and shot off down the fields towards the screams. My feet pounded the long, damp grass, sprinting towards the noise. I could see a figure moving across the way, over to the yells.

“Help! We’re over here!”

I pushed myself, forcing my legs to keep running towards them but as soon as I got to the scene, I wanted to run away. Dale was on the ground, a Walker lay slain next to him. His stomach was ripped open, his ribs pointed out, his stomach slid onto the grass. I could see his lungs moving, like his literal lungs.

His voice was garbled, he would drowning in his own blood right now. Andrea dropped onto her knees and the wails came out of her like she was in pain, and I guess she was.

I froze up, I couldn’t do anything about this and I knew that.

I stumbled forward as Glenn literally ran into the back of me. His eyes glazed over as he saw Dale. My breath was stuck in my chest.

“Evie!” Rick yelled at me, getting right in my face. I jilted back a little. I hadn’t heard the first three times he said my name. “DO something!”

Helplessly, I stared as Hershel was shouted.

“I can’t.” I cried through gritted teeth, shaking my head. “He wouldn’t survive back to the house.”

“Then do something here.” Rick shook me. I grabbed his arms and squeezed.

“Rick. His belly is half open. He is dying.” I dug my fingers into his flesh and tried to make him understand. His eyes were wild, staring into mine trying to work it out.

He yelled out in frustration and pulled away from me, crouching at Dale’s side, just as Hershel got down to us. He backed up what I had said. We couldn’t move him. There was no hope with him.

I couldn’t do anything but stare. Stare as Dale moaned and writhed on the ground, the blood spouted from the hold in his body, pooling onto the grass.

“He’s suffering. Do something.” Andrea pleaded of us. I couldn’t control my breathing, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t save him. Could I even save anyone? I wasn’t even a real doctor.

Rick took some heavy breaths and reluctantly, he pulled his gun from the holster on his hip. I could see his fingers twitching, flexing around the gun. The barrel pointed at Dale’s head. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t say anything, he was just gurgling blood.

I watched as Daryl’s hand slid the gun from Rick’s hands. His large palms fit easily on the handle of the weapon and he took a breath.

“Sorry, brother.”


	7. Herd

“I’m gonna stock the basement with food and water. We can survive down there for a while if we gotta.” Hershel spoke slowly.  
We were moving into the farmhouse, effective immediately. We had held Dale’s funeral at first light. That patch of ground had filled up quick since we arrived.   
I leant on the porch fence. “I think we should have packs in the car, in case of emergencies, you know?” I directed my speech at Rick. He nodded.   
“Alright. Get it done before dinner.” Rick grabbed his gun. He and Daryl were going to take Randall out soon. They had gone out after the funeral to secure everything, try to make us feel safer. I wasn’t really sure that securing fences would make me feel safe.   
Lianne came up the steps, setting her rifle down on the porch table. We stared out at everyone busying themselves with movement. I turned to go inside but a lump on Lianne’s shoulder made me pause. I grimaced.   
“Lianne, you have a piece of flesh on your top.” I pinched the rotting slice of skin between my fingers and dangled it in from of her before flicking it into the dying rosebushes. “And you’re hands are stained with blood.”  
“Gross.” She grumbled, rubbing at her reddened hands. “It was a bit mental this morning when we went out. Everyone’s different now. It feels different now.”  
My hand went to my hip and I stared. “What do you mean?”   
“We railed on them. The Walkers. We didn’t just kill them. We took revenge.” She shook her head, not meeting my eyes. “It was just different.”   
I hadn’t seen her like that before, so intensely in thought. Maybe freaked out at her own actions. She had raged and she had cried but always at things outside her control. It was like her own behaviour was spooking her.   
I took a breath. There was nothing I could say to make her not feel like that. “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.” I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her inside.   
“Where did you put our stuff?” Lianne questioned, letting herself be led by me into the house.   
“Over in the corner beside the dining room.” I let her know.   
“Here.” She stopped. Her fingers pulled off her ‘Lianne’ beaded string bracelet and handed it to me. “I do not want this covered in more blood.”   
I laughed and slipped it on my wrist to join mine. Both of them had been made by Sawyer. She had posted them over. We used to Skype and she got to know Lianne as my best friend. Lianne’s had her name on it and mine had ‘Piper’ which was our last name. They were both just plaited string with the beads wound on strongly.   
“I can’t believe these lasted as long. I mean the government has fallen and these bracelets are still secure.” I shook my head. She laughed and went to the bathrooms to clean up.   
I turned to go to sort out Lianne and I’s stuff but Daryl was standing right behind me. I almost jumped in my skin at the surprise of his presence. I thought he was gonna be with Rick. I didn’t know how I felt about him at that moment. In that I was pissed off about how he yelled at me the day before but I admired him for what he did with Dale. And I knew that I couldn’t be horrifically angry at him anyway, not now, not when we had just lost someone. But it didn’t stop me wanting to be pissy.   
“You know where my stuff is?” he cleared his throat. I tilted my head and stared at him. He stared right back at me, as if confused that I was being like that. “Evie?”   
“Oh, you’re asking me for something? You’re speaking to me nicely? That’s a change from the last time we spoke.” I turned away from him and pulled out my boots to change into.   
He just kept staring at me. “You’re not my goddamn wife.”   
“No, I’m supposed to be your friend, you crazy bastard.” I pulled my laces tight on my boots and tossed my sneakers back into the bag. He breathed out a tiny laugh. “Men’s stuff is through there. Lori said.”  
He didn’t move still and I could feel him watching me.   
“Evita.” He said after a second. I stared up at him in confusion. “That’s your name.”   
And then I remembered our conversation, our game, that we started days before and never really finished. And it made me smile. “No.” I shook my head, suppressing the smirk. “Not Evita.”  
I stood up and moved past him to start the packs. I headed up the stairs to gather some of the medical supplies. On my way past Beth’s room I had a thought. I retreated a few steps and knocked on the doorframe of her room. She was sitting on the rocking chair, the one I had been situated in when she was sick, a book in her hands. “Hey, Evie.” She looked up with a smile.   
“Hey. I was gonna make up some packs to put in the cars. Meds, water, a few bits of food, some weapons. You wanna help me?” I offered. She put her book down.   
“Yeah. I’d love to.” She stood up and followed me.   
We packed up some kits to shove in the cars. I was happy that I had asked her to help. She had kind of avoided, or been avoided, since everything. We actually got along well, especially now that our conversations were no longer one sided.   
I loaded the last pack into the car, pushing it under the front seat of the truck. Maggie came over.   
“That you guys finished with them?”   
“Yeah. Every car has them. Ready for a quick getaway if we gotta.” I closed the door over and we went to go back to the house.   
“You got siblings, Evie?” Maggie questioned, her hands in her pockets as we walked.   
Confused, I nodded. “Yeah. Two.”   
“Older or younger?”   
“One on either side.” I smiled.   
“I thought so. The way you are with Beth, with Carl. It’s a big sister thing, the way you are with them.” Maggie nodded. She went to speak again but we were interrupted.   
“He’s gone!”   
We both spun around, staring to where the voice had come from. T-Dog was standing at the barn, yelling. “He’s gone, he’s gone!”   
Randall.   
-  
“They’ve been gone a while.” Lori paced in the dining room.   
The story was that Randall had knocked Shane on his ass and escaped. They were out looking for him now: Shane, Rick, Glenn and Daryl. We had all been quarantined to the farmhouse, all armed up but with Lianne and T-Dog posted at each door, just in case.   
I approached Lianne, handing her a cup of coffee.   
“Thanks.” She sipped at it. “What are you thinking?”   
I shook my head slowly. “Weird feeling, Lianne. Weird feelings. How could Randall overpower Shane? Randall’s barely old enough to drink, how’d he get the jump on a built guy like Shane?”  
Lianne put down her coffee cup. I quickly moved the cup onto the coaster, ignoring her rolling eyes.   
“I don’t know? Element of surprise?”   
“Element of surprise?” I raised my eyebrows. “Shane was a police officer. He should be used to it. If he could really be done in by a little ferret like Randall than I weep for the security of your country, my friend.” I leant against the doorframe.   
She scoffed. “I weep for the security of my country. In case you missed it, there is no country.”   
A half hour passed before Daryl and Glenn returned.   
“Rick and Shane ain’t back?” Daryl stared round the room at us. “We heard a shot.”   
“Maybe they found Randall.” Lori stood up, her arms hugging her body tightly.   
“No, we found Randall.” Daryl shook his head, his crossbow shook as he did so. “He’s dead. He’s a Walker. And he ain’t got no bite on him neither. Tracks were weird. Shane couldn’t have been tracking him that close, they were right on top of each other.”  
And that gave me all the proof I felt I needed to make my wild assumption. “Son of a bitch!” I pulled at my hair, ignoring the others’ stared. “I knew it. That Shane is a lunatic. I swear to god he turned psycho the minute he shaved his head, it’s like all his sanity was in his hair.”   
Lori waved her hand. I didn’t know if this was her defending her boyfriend or just asking me to shut up. “Regardless, please. Please, can you go out and find Rick?” She begged of Daryl.   
He nodded and went to go. I followed him, so did Lianne and Andrea. They were intent on going out too. I was about to say something more about Shane but I was stopped by what I saw.   
A black mass was decimating the fields. It was seeping from the forest, en route towards us. I could hear the faint snarls, only getting louder. It was like an army of Walkers.   
Everyone else was silent. I swallowed hard, my breaths coming in laboured bursts. “Are you seeing this too?”   
“Uh huh.” Lianne spoke from her stance beside me.   
“What do we do?” Glenn spoke, his voice coming over my shoulder. “Do we just wait it out, like the herd on the highway.”   
“This one is, like, ten times bigger.” Lianne’s eyes were staring out, pinned onto the approaching Walkers. Where did they all come from? Where were the all aiming to go?  
“They gonna rip this house down. We ain’t got a chance.” Daryl’s voice was quiet, firm but not scared. I don’t think he ever got scared.   
“Carl’s gone!” Lori slammed right into the back of Andrea having run from upstairs. By this point everybody was out on the porch, all seeing the approaching horror.   
“What?!” I turned and stared at her.   
“He’s not upstairs. He was supposed to be upstairs.” Lori’s eyes were wild in terror, both at the threat of the Walkers and the missing of her son.   
“Check everywhere. Everywhere.” I told her. Her panic was not needed on this porch at that moment.   
“We stay.” Hershel took in a large, deep breath and reached for the bag of guns. “This is my farm, I am not leaving it, not tonight.”   
“We have guns, cars.” Andrea thought aloud. “We take out as many as we can, fend them off and lead them away from the house. Me and Dog, Glenn and Maggie, Lianne and Evie and Daryl can take the bike.”   
“Here are the keys.” Carol slammed them all down on the porch table and then went in search of Carl with Lori.   
Lianne tossed me the keys to the Chevy. We had our orders.   
“Tonight as good a night as any, I guess.” Daryl vaulted over the porch rail.   
“To do what?” I stepped onto the rail. Daryl’s hands reached out for me and I almost got knocked out by a flashback to the pharmacy with him. I leant on him and jumped down onto the solid ground.   
“To die.” 

A/N A bit shorter than usual, but next chapter is realllllllly long- will be up before the end of the month! Like/comment with any advice!


	8. Run

Lianne was holding on well, her legs were steadying her as the top of her body hung out of the window of the car. My driving wasn’t steady, I was trying to avoid the grasps of the Walkers. They had, it seemed, increased tenfold since we spotted the herd at first. The barn was in flames and we had only been out in the cars fifteen minutes at most.   
“We’re not making a difference.” Lianne yelled down at me, she pulled herself in for a minute and shoved a fresh round of bullets into the rifle. “We gotta get off this farm.” Sweating, she pushed the hair from her face before throwing her arms out the window and taking down three more in quick succession.   
“What do you think? Get off the farm, circle back and get the others?” My hands were gripping the wheel tightly in an attempt to keep the vehicle under my control as we beeped the horn, trying to attract the Walkers off of the farm. And it almost worked. We hit a ditch and the steering wheel spun beneath my palms.   
And then we didn’t move. The lights on the dash went out. The clock was no longer telling the time. I couldn’t move the car. We were stuck.   
“Shit.” I whispered. Lianne brought herself back into the car.   
“What was that?” She stared at me. I punched the clutch, turning the key but the engine just spluttered. It didn’t even start up.   
“It’s not working!” I yelled, panicking. We were a little away from the farm, on the way out so there were less Walkers, but there were still enough to kill us comfortably.   
“What do you mean?!” She screamed. At that a Walker slammed into the front of the truck.   
“We run! We run!” I threw open my door. Snarls came from Lianne’s side of the car. I could smell the rotting flesh coming in through her window. She yelled and shot it in the head before backwardly clambering over the console and out my door. My arms hooked under hers and I dragged her out, clenching the back of her shirt as I pulled her towards the farm.   
The shot Lianne had fired into that Walker’s skull had attracted more of them to abort their course up to the farm and turn their attention to the two of us. My heart pounded mercilessly in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe as we tried to make progress. I could feel the panic in my body. I wasn’t going to make it. I couldn’t run that fast. I couldn’t run that far. I couldn’t outrun a herd of undead.   
Lianne ran beside me, both of us casting terrified looks behind us, while avoiding the horror in front. The snarls and wails were the only thing, except from our laboured breathing, I could hear. That and our feet slamming off of the ground.   
I almost froze when a group, maybe seven or eight, made a beeline towards us and we had nowhere to go. But that’s when I spotted the blue truck coming towards us.   
“Lianne, truck!” I yelled. We started waving our hands, running towards the truck. I could just about make out Lori in the passenger seat. She waved out the window and the truck slowed down, just enough for us to run alongside it for a few metres. “Jump!”   
I lunged for the bed of the truck, my hands caught onto the side, my nails digging in. Lianne had clambered on beside me and hooked her legs over.   
“Hands!” Lianne reached for mine. My legs were dangling in the air, I could feel the motion of the wheel by my knee. Lianne’s hands wrapped around my arm and she pulled me, hard onto the truck. My hand grappled for the straps that were attached to the truck. Once I had it in my palm, I used it and Lianne to pull myself in comfortably, my legs out of the danger zone. I flounced down on my back, trying to catch my breath from the run.   
My back had barely touched the metal of the bed of the truck when snarls rang out in my ears. A Walker crashed into the side of the truck, clinging onto the side Lianne was sitting. She yelled out and I sprung up, unsheathing my knife from my belt. I slammed the knife into the top of the Walker’s skull, the bone soft but still crunching against the blade.   
I yanked it back and the Walker tumbled, falling away as we sped off. We pushed ourselves back to the top of the bed of the truck and clung on as T-Dog manoeuvred his way through the fields and onto the roads. There were some bags there, ones that they had obviously just thrown in, panicked. Mine was there. I pulled it closer. Lianne sat close to me, her head tilted back. I could hear her suppressing a scream into the palm of her hand.   
“What?” I breathed, staring at her. She was cradling her arm to her chest. I could see the tears in her eyes, her teeth gritted. I hadn’t seen her look so terrified as she lowered her arm away from her chest to show me.   
There was a chunk of flesh missing from the inside of her forearm. The blood pounding through her veins had nowhere to go and just poured out onto her hand, dripped down to her clothes.   
“Oh, shit.” I stared. There was nothing else for me to say. Effectively, she was dead. And she knew it.   
She cried, sobs ricocheting through her chest, trembling through her whole body. I reached over and pulled the strap of material I had clung to when getting into the truck and dismantled it from the truck. Tightly, I wound it around the bite, not like it would do much but stop the blood loss. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to me, letting her bury her wails in my shoulder.   
“Shhh.” I whispered, smoothing her blonde locks that were all matted with blood. “Shh.”   
What was I going to do? What was I going to do?   
I turned my head a little. Beth was there too, sandwiched in between T-Dog and Lori. What about the rest of them? Where were the rest of them? Why was Lori without her son?   
We drove, the terrain getting a bit smoother.  
Lianne was still crying, I think more from the reality of what was happening than the pain. I couldn’t stop myself from crying too.   
She sat up and wiped her face as the sky got lighter. “I have to die. You can’t let me turn into one of them. I can’t.”  
“I won’t let you.” I put my hands on her face, making her focus. “I swear to God, Lianne, you’re not going to.”  
“I need to go soon. I don’t wanna get sick.” She started babbling about Jim, who burned with a fever before we had to leave him. I swallowed hard and shook her.  
“Lianne, you’re going to be okay. I won’t…” Why did I say that? She wasn’t going to be okay, she was going to die. The only question was how gruesome it had to be.   
“You have to do it.” Lianne’s blue eyes were reddened, like she was high or something. It must have been the poison of the bite. I ignored what she said until she repeated it. “You have to do it, you have to kill me.”   
I felt a jab literally shoot through my chest. “I can’t. I ca- I can’t kill you, Lianne. I can’t do that. Please don’t make me do that.”  
She sniffed hard and seemed to compose herself in just a split second, scratching at the tears still dripping down her face. “Yes, you can. You’re so strong, Evie. You can do this. I wouldn’t have got this far without you. I would have died if you weren’t with me when we saw my parents.” Suddenly, we had swapped roles and she was trying to comfort me, trying to stop me from crying. Her hands were on my face, digging her fingertips into my skin. “And now, I need to ask you to do this. I’m being selfish, I know but I won’t get another chance.” She almost laughed.   
Her mood had done a complete 180 from babbling fear to staunch strength. It was like she had her five minutes of hysteria before she faced the facts with the insane power she had since I had met her.   
But I couldn’t breathe under the weight of what she was asking me to do. She was asking me to kill her.   
“You gotta do it for me.” She stared at me, right into my eyes. I couldn’t move for a moment. I had to kill my best friend? Literally the only person I had left from my old life?   
“O-Okay.” I stammered. The lump in my throat rolled down a bit. I couldn’t sob anymore, but my eyes did leak a lot more tears as we drove.   
Lianne and I clung to each other. My brain alternated between racing to think of a solution and giving up to face her death. A little while into the drive, I heard arguing from inside the truck, and then Lori’s door opened and the truck slowed to a stop.   
I heard Lori insist that we go back to the highway, where we lost Sophia. It was the safe bet, I guessed that everyone else in our group would have the same thoughts.   
T-Dog relented and spun the car into the ditch by the road before taking a U-turn to head for the highway.   
“It’s time.” Lianne sat up. Her voice was croaky from a combination of crying and then not talking for a while.   
“No, it’s not.” I started to weep again, my face crumpling at the thought of it.   
“Yes. It is.” She managed to smile. I watched her tuck her hair away from her face, trying to wipe out the blood from the strands at the bottom. “It is.”   
I bit on my lip, hard, and leant back. I hit my hand on the roof of the truck. “We gotta stop.” I wiped at my nose.   
“No way!” T-Dog shook his head, calling over his shoulder to me.   
“Yeah, we do.” I slumped back down but mustered up a few more words. “Lianne’s bit.”   
There was silence as we slowed to a complete stop. And even then, when were no longer moving, nobody moved or said anything for a minute. The door opened and then a moment later, Lori slid her legs out, anchoring herself to look at us.   
“What?” She whispered.   
“Looks like you guys are gonna have to go without my skills for a while. Well, forever.” Lianne smiled wryly, sniffing.   
T-Dog got out of his side and stood by the truck, just staring. I guess they had spent a lot of time together, they were always out scouting or practising or doing something. He looked as shocked as I had been.   
Lianne didn’t say anything, she just slid off of the truck and stood in the middle of the road, her hands on her hips. “Come on. I haven’t got all day!”   
I swallowed, not even fighting tears and jumped from the truck bed.   
“What do we do?” Lori asked. Beth tip toed out of the truck, nervously watched as I cleared my throat.   
“Evie’s gonna do it.” Lianne pointed at me with her bitten arm. “I’m not one for long goodbyes. So I’ll be short and sweet. Ya’ll are great people. Keep on keeping on and ya’ll be fine, you hear me? And say goodbye and thanks to the rest of them when you find them.”   
“You’re doing it now?” T-Dog stared at me, as if I was being mean, as I if I was the one who instigated it.   
“No time like the present.” Lianne sighed. “Come on, Evie. I’m starting to feel a little woozy. And if my reactions are as sharp when I’m dead than they are now, you won’t be able to put me down when I turn.”   
I wanted to punch her for being so blasé about it. She was the one leaving. I had to live with it. I had to live without her.   
Shakily, I pulled the gun from my waistband.   
“Nu-uh.” She shook her head. “Gunshot’s too loud, Evie.”   
It took me a second to realise what she was saying. And I shook my head when I worked it out. “No. You’re already making me kill you, I’m not gonna do it like that. I’m not gonna stab you in the head!” I almost shrieked at her, my words spitting.   
Lori had moved behind me. “Shots will attract all the Walkers nearby.” She slid her hand over my shoulder, trying to be comforting.   
“I don’t wanna do this.” I whispered, getting a soft squeeze on my shoulder from Lori. Lianne just reached her hands out for me. I forced my feet to move, but all I wanted to do was fall on the ground and cover myself with a thick blanket.   
My hands caught Lianne’s and she squeezed my fingers in her palms. “No backsies, hon.” She sniffed hard and smiled. I could see her watery eyes and she tried to keep the tears at bay. It didn’t work. “I love you so much.”  
At that, I started to break down. My heart heaved in my chest more than my lungs grappled for breath. “I don’t know how I’m gonna survive.” I wept, my words barely coherent.   
“You’re going to be fine, I swear. You stick with these guys. You can shoot, you can run, you can do it all. Just keep going. You owe it to me, to the rest of them.” She had pulled me closer, clutching my arms tightly. “I wish-” she stopped herself. She wished she could stay. She wished she wouldn’t have gotten bit. She wished that none of this had happened. “I’m so thankful for you though. That’s what I would say if we were at Thanksgiving this year. I wouldn’t have said rum like I did last time.”  
That produced a wet laugh from my throat. We had Thanksgiving- my first one- at her parents and we had gone out the night before and she was hungover as hell. But it turned out to be one of the greatest days I had ever spent with someone else’s family.   
“You gotta do it. It’s time.” She took a breath. I ground my teeth together and pulled her close to me.   
“I love you, Lianne.” I held in my sobs, clenching my jaw hard so I didn’t throw up. I felt her grin against the crook of my neck. A muffled ‘you too’ came out of her mouth. I held her so close to me, hating myself as my hand went to the knife on my hip. I pulled it out of the hold, feeling the cold metal against my forearm and raised it up. I kept my arm wrapped around her as my hand slammed the knife’s blade into the back of the base of her skull. I heard her flesh wield and the bone crunch as the jilt smashed into her hair.   
She went limp against me. Her hands dropped, one got caught in the crook of my elbow. Her legs gave out and her weight landed on me. I held her up, but as soon as I felt her go limp, it unleashed hard sobs inside of me. She was gone. She was really dead.   
I took a step back, letting her fall a little before I lowered her to the ground. My knees hit the dirt next to her as I cradled her body. She looked so different now, so different to what she was like just literal seconds ago. Blood was seeping out of her mouth as I wrenched the knife back from her skull.   
It hurt. Jesus, did it hurt. It was like I had someone digging inside my chest. I could barely see straight.   
They left me for a few moments, but I guess we had to go.   
Beth’s hands slid onto my arms and she tried to pull me away. I let her help me up but they moved as if I was to get back in the car.   
“I can’t just leave her here.” I stared at them incredulously. How they expect me to leave my best friend dead at the side of the road, a practical feast for any Walker who would wander by?   
Lori grimaced a little bit in apology. “We don’t have time to bury her. We don’t have shovels or anything. We have to get to the highway. What if… what if Carl’s waiting for me?”   
I could sympathise. The thought of Carl being alone on the highway waiting for his mother made me almost shudder. But I still wasn’t going to leave her like that.   
I moved past Beth and T-Dog and leant into the truck. My hand searched for the box under the seat and I pulled out the gasoline. It was Beth’s idea to put them in the packs. I went back over to Lianne. Lianne’s body.   
It pained me to do it as much as it pained me to kill her, but I doused her body with the container of gasoline. It was wasteful but none of them dared to say anything to me.   
I could hear an engine in the distance coming closer but I didn’t react. I just flicked the lighter and caught the bottom of her top with the flame. In a second, the fire spread through her body. My hand felt burned as I took a step backwards out of the heat. She was far enough away from the trees that there was no risk of the fire spreading.   
I suppose it was kind of normal. Kind of like a cremation. In a way.   
I stared at her body, now fully alight. I was only slightly aware of the noise: Beth calling out her sister’s name, desperate laughter and crying. But I couldn’t turn to see what was going on. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I just couldn’t.   
And then there were soft voices, talking quietly.   
“Evie.”   
I couldn’t look up.   
Large hands touched my back, one sliding onto my bare arm. The touch awoke me a little and I turned my head to the right. If I was really aware of what was happening, I would have been surprised to see Daryl standing at my side.   
“We gotta go.” He whispered. His face was dirty. I could see his eyes move down to look at the blood all over me. I was drenched in it, it was drying against the skin on my arm, soaking my t-shirt through to my stomach. I could smell it.   
“I-” I swallowed, my eyes being pulled back to Lianne’s body. “I can’t leave her.”   
His hand slipped around my waist and pulled me closer, taking my hand in his other, supporting my weight when I felt like I was going to collapse. “You need to. It’s not her anymore.” He started to pull me away.   
And I let him.   
“Let’s go. Head for the highway.” Daryl told the rest of them. It was then that I looked up and saw who else was there. Glenn, Maggie, Carol. She hugged me, hard.   
“Are you okay?” I whispered. I still clung to Daryl’s hand, hugging Carol at the same time. My chin rested on her shoulder. I felt her nod.   
“We gotta go.” I heard Glen say. His words pushed me into action. We did have to go. Go to the highway to find the rest of them and go away from her burning body.   
I pulled away from Carol, dropped Daryl’s hand and headed straight for the bed of the truck. There wasn’t blood there. Not as much anyway, just a few drops, smears over the metal.   
They stared at me. I could feel it, their eyes on me as I cradled my rucksack, sitting in the truck. Within a few seconds they climbed back into the cars, Daryl and Carol on the bike.  
We drove. And the whole way there, thoughts rolled seamlessly in my head.   
The last time I was in the truck, Lianne was alive.   
The last time I had a drink of water, Lianne was alive.   
The last time I slept, Lianne was alive.   
The last time I read a book, Lianne was alive.  
The last time I laughed, Lianne was alive.  
It went on, endlessly. The last time I did everything, Lianne was alive.   
We stopped and I got out and I saw them: Rick and Carl and Hershel but I didn’t register them for a few minutes. I just stood, leaning against the side of the truck, watching but not really seeing.  
“This everyone?” Rick asked after the moments of happiness and relief subsided. They rattled off names of people who weren’t with us, hoping for hope. But all they got were explanations.   
“Lianne?”   
My eyes flicked up to Rick and I breathed through my nose before giving a shake of the head. I couldn’t say anymore. I couldn’t say in front of Carl that I was wearing her blood.   
I couldn’t really hear what was happening. It was like I was turning the volume up and down on the TV: it was all coming in peaks and silences.   
“…got bit…She had to kill her…couldn’t…had to burn her.” Some of Lori’s whispers made it to me.   
The rest of their words were just jumbled nonsense. The noise was coming into my ears, but it wasn’t reaching my brain. And then Daryl was standing in front of me.   
“We’re leaving, okay? We’re gonna get off the damn main roads.” He said slowly, like I had suffered a blow to the head or something. He had two bottles of water. “Take a drink.” I shook my head. “Then clean off your arms.” I shook my head again. He dropped his head. After a second, he unscrewed the cap of one of the bottles. “Evie. You have her blood on you. It’s all over your arms. There’s some on your face.”  
“Because I stabbed her in the head.” The words tumbled out of my mouth.   
His eyes changed a little as I spoke. He said nothing more but took the hand that I stabbed her with in his and held it up. I watched him pour some water over my skin and rub, trying to move the dried blood. His fingers were rough, the lines on his palms deep but his movements were soft. He wiped my arm with a rag he kept in his belt loop.   
The tattoo on the inside of my forearm was coloured red now. It was an intricate, black tattoo of a cameo- the shadow of an unknown woman. The bloodied water dripped down where the flowers framed the cameo and trailed a little along my arm.  
He repeated the work on my other arm. It was then that I saw her bracelet around my wrist. “Shit.” I whispered and touched the beaded strings around my left wrist. There was a spot of blood on one of the ‘n’s.   
“She would have wanted you to keep it.” He spoke softly. He had never been so nice to me. But I didn’t want it. He would never had done it if she wasn’t dead.   
I took the rag from his hand and went to the truck wing mirror. There was blood from my ear, under my cheekbone. It was stamped into my skin. I scrubbed at it with the cloth. I didn’t care about it, not really. I could have been bathed in blood and it wouldn’t have made a difference.   
Except. Carl.   
I didn’t want him to see me covered in blood. I didn’t want it to scare him. I wanted to be able to hug him and not have to worry about it being transferred to him from my skin. So I wiped it off.   
We got back in to the cars, pretty silently. I rode with the Greene’s and Glenn. Beth sat in the middle of Maggie and me. She was almost on top of her big sister, her head on her shoulder, clinging onto her. But she had her other hand in mine. A sort of silent comfort.   
A few hours into our drive, a horn blasted behind us. The nose woke me a little from the daze I was in. I had just been staring out the window. I wished I could have slept but I was still too numb to even shut my brain off.   
The others in the car got out and, though it took me a few extra seconds to leave, I stood outside with others to hear the other car had ran out of gas.   
Maggie suggested she and Glenn go to find some but Rick did not want any of us to be alone.   
“We have to stay together. We can find shelter tonight-” Rick was cut off by Glenn.   
“There are Walkers everywhere, Rick. We can’t just sit out on the road.” Glenn clutched his rifle harder. I could see his fingers tense around the thing. Everyone was armed now.   
“There had to be a place where we can settle, not just survive. Where we can fortify and rebuild or lives. Tonight, we can…go to the bridge.” Rick gestured to the bridge just a few hundred metres from where we stood.   
I managed to zone out again. My gaze went to Carl and Lori. It was getting cold, she was rubbing her hands up and down his arms in an attempt to warm her son up. How was she going to carry a baby to term if we had no place to settle?   
“…He wasn’t bit.” Daryl was speaking when I started to pay attention again. His crossbow was on the ground, propped up against his leg, his hand holding onto the point of it. “How’d that happen? How’d he turn if he wasn’t bit?” he was talking about Randall.   
Rick’s face dropped, as if he had been waiting for that question. “We’re all in infected.”   
I stared at him, just like everyone else did. Everyone was waiting for him to elaborate.   
“At the CDC, Jenner told me. It’s a gene or something. We all carry it.” Rick’s hands were on his hips, not looking directly at us. There was a few seconds before everyone started on him.   
“You never said anything!” Carol pointed her finger at Rick in accusation, and in anger.   
“I didn’t want to worry everyone!” Rick insisted, trying to diffuse the situation.   
Glenn, who was usually always on Rick’s side, in Rick’s corner, yelled. “That’s not your call to make, man!”   
The bickering raised the hairs on the back of my neck, my stomach started to tense.   
Really? They were fighting about something that we couldn’t actually control? Who cared if we were infected? And who cared that Rick hadn’t let us know? As great a man as he was, he could not wave a wand and make it different.   
And honestly? In the wake of the deaths from earlier on, it all seemed inconsequential and I couldn’t suffer the continual arguing.   
I moved past them all and grabbed my rucksack from the backseat of the car we had been in. Slinging it over my shoulder, I started in the direction of the bridge Rick had said we would settle under.   
“Evie!” Carol called after me. I just kept walking though, wobbling through the rocks towards the bridge. There was a clearing and some logs already there for a fire pit, as if someone had settled there once before, but they were long gone.   
I dumped my backpack and started gathering some branches to supplement the fire. It was then that I noticed that the rest of them had given up in their arguing and had conceded, following me toward the clearing.   
We set up a campfire and night fell quickly. I didn’t know how long we had driven for, I didn’t know what time it was. My watch was stuffed in my bag. We all just sat. The Greene’s were huddled together, Glenn’s hand hooked in Maggie’s.   
Carl was cradled by his mother across from me. T-Dog was on watch. Rick was brooding.   
Daryl sat to the right of me, Carol to the right of him. He was sharpening some branches to use as makeshift arrows. We were perched on a long log, almost as if we were at an actual campsite. I was hugging my knees, twisting my bracelet on my wrist. Looking at Lianne’s bracelet on my arm, I realised something.   
“Evangeline.” I spoke softly, just loud enough for Daryl to hear me. It was the first time I’d spoken since we got in the cars so he stared at me in both shock and relief.   
“Huh?” His hands froze on the sharpening of the arrow, looking at my face, waiting for me to go on.   
“My name. Evangeline Piper. Evie is short for Evangeline.” I told him, staring at the fire. All it reminded me of now was Lianne. All I could see was her burning now.   
Daryl dropped the arrows to the ground and shifted a little to look at me. “It’s a good name.” I think because he got me talking, he got me truly awake again, he didn’t want to let me go back. “You named after someone?”   
I blinked a few times, breathing hard to get rid of the nausea triggered by thinking of Lianne’s burning body. “It was a poem. My mother’s favourite one. ‘The Night Swans’ by Walter de la Mere. It’s about a girl being shown to the afterlife by three swans. I have a tattoo of the swans on my back. My mum used to say me and my sisters could be the swans.” I spoke quickly.  
Raina had no tattoos, she was terrified of needles and even if she wasn’t, I doubted that she would have been covered in them. She wasn’t very keen on some of mine, but she loved the swan tattoo.   
I pressed my lips together, ready to close back down after my brief words. And I think he knew that.   
He cleared his throat. “Why’d you tell me now? I thought you were having too much fun with your game.”   
I almost didn’t want to admit why it had popped into my head. But I needed to. “Because… I don’t wanna die and not have anyone know my real name.”   
It was a harsh truth and I saw, from the corner of my eye, his squinting eyes. I heard him take in a breath.   
“With Lianne gone…” I didn’t have to finish my sentence. He knew what I meant.  
With her gone, she was the only one who knew things about me. With her dead, there was nobody else in my life who really knew anything about me. And that was quite a scary thought.  
My eyes were heavy. Like my body was finally getting tired and finally going to let me rest. I didn’t know how much rest we were going to get that night. And as soon as Carol spoke, I knew I was going to have to postpone my rest for another little while.   
“We’re not safe with him. Keeping something like that from us?” She addressed just Daryl and I. Her face was wrought with worry. “You don’t need him. He’s just gonna pull you down.” This time, it was just Daryl she was talking to, as if she was expecting him or wanting him to whisk the two of us away and make us safe again. I loved Carol, but at times she was slightly short sighted. Maybe it was her long marriage to her bastard husband that made her think she always had to be the follower, always had to rely on someone else to step up. Daryl wasn’t that man. He didn’t need to be. We were better off with the group.   
Daryl took a breath and slid back a little in his position on the log. “Nah. Rick’s always done alright by me.”  
She stared at him. “You’re his henchman. And I’m a burden. And you’re just a kid who they’re using for your skills.”   
I didn’t know if her comments were meant to be hurtful, but I felt a twinge in my chest over them anyway. I stared at the dirt.   
“What do you want?” Daryl narrowed his eyes. I didn’t know if he was bothered by her comments.   
“A man of honour.” Carol said simply. But it wasn’t simple. Leaders had to make tough decisions. And we all had the opportunity to have more say. I didn’t want to lead because I didn’t want to make tough decisions. And neither did she- she was the one who refused to vote on the Randall situation to begin with. She couldn’t cope with the hard choices, so other people had to.   
“Rick has honour.” Daryl said finally, as if he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. It seemed Maggie had overheard though and thought the same thing- maybe their chances were better without Rick.   
Hershel was in the midst of setting her straight when a rustle came from the bushes behind, near the bridge. My hand went to my gun in the holster. I had a gun now. It was comfortably mine. But I didn’t move any more than that.   
The others did though. They started to fluster themselves, leaping to their feet and readying to take off, although without a common direction.   
Then Rick came back into action. The fire on the ground lit his face up in a dark and spooky way, the shadows cast over his skin. He told us that we weren’t going anywhere, and I agreed.   
Carol almost ordered him to do something and he insisted that he was. And so started a spiral into a speech, almost flecked with hatred. He said he didn’t ask for this, he didn’t ask for us to look to him for answers, for guidance. He killed his best friend for us. He killed Shane for us, to keep us safe.   
It seemed that the rest of the group hadn’t figured that out yet. I wasn’t mad, I wasn’t even surprised. I knew that at some point, the way Shane had been going, it was going to be one or the other who survived. I was glad it was Rick.   
But I could see the others start to look a little afraid as they listened to him. Lori, who obviously already knew this, was burying her face in Carl’s hair, kissing his head and hugging him so tightly. Carl started to cry.   
“Maybe ya’ll are better off without me.” He noticed the groups’ hard stares. “Maybe there is no place for us. But you can go off alone if you want to. You think you can do better? Fine! There’s the door.” He gestured wildly with his gun. “Send me a postcard, fine!”  
The tension continued to rise, but nobody moved. Nobody was going to leave. I certainly wasn’t.   
“No takers? Fine. But let’s get one thing straight.” He stared us down, intimidatingly. “If you’re staying. This isn’t a democracy anymore.”


	9. Field

It had been eight months. Eight long months.   
We had been jumping from place to place, never staying in a place longer than a week and a half. We were all still whole, thankfully. But a little tired.   
We had grown closer. Having to work so hard as a team, do everything together, it just made us cement relationships. Most of us anyway. There were some tensions within the Grimes’ family unit. Rick could barely stand to be in the same area as his wife. They never rode in the same car. They rarely slept at the same time, let alone in the same tent. And on top of that, Carl had shot up, growing like mad, physically and emotionally. It was like he went from kid to teenager in two minutes. He was braver, tougher and smarter than ever. But he also grew a bit of a mouth on him. Though he’d always been stubborn, he was acting on it now.   
Lori had blossomed, her belly stretched to accommodate her new baby. She had slowed a lot in the last two months as she had grown too big to run easily. We needed a place to settle, a place to, as Rick continually said, fortify.   
And maybe we found that. In the midst of an escape from a house we thought was gonna be safe, they came across a prison.   
A place, hopefully, we could not just survive in, but live.   
We leaked in, all of us, through a hole Glenn had cut in the chain fence. The prison had a sort of walkway surrounding the grounds, probably so the guards could have surveyed the place safely when it had been functioning.   
We were surrounded, there was no doubt about that. But we were kind of safely surrounded. It seemed manageable.   
“Right.” Rick stopped and stared into the space inside. There were maybe twenty five Walkers wandering in that part of the yard. We could deal with that. Hopefully. He watched him survey the situation. Glenn volunteered to be the one to go on the ‘suicide’ mission to close up the gate on the opposite side, but Rick refused. “No. You guys distract them, make as much noise as possible. Daryl, Carol, Evie; get up to the guard tower.”   
Not to boast, but I had really improved on my gun skills. It seems I had channelled Lianne over the months. I could take a Walker out confidently up close and on, at most, the fourth attempt at distance. The issue was though, that we had a lack of ammo and I wasn’t confident my shooting was going to be the best use of the dwindling supplies. But I did as I was told and followed the other two up the tower.   
Carol had changed a lot since we left the farm. She had become this more confident, more comfortable woman. Although she still followed orders and the general decisions of the group, she had gone from depending on us to contributing with us. And, even though she was still sad at times about the loss of Sophia those months ago, she was happy. Or as happy as could be in the circumstances.   
The damp, musty smell of the guard tower almost knocked me out as I followed Daryl up the stone steps. My eyes trained on his vest. I had followed him so often over the last while, I knew every stitch on those angel wings imprinted on the weathered leather.   
My feelings for him had only multiplied the longer we spent time together. I was fairly confident I had very, very strong feelings of something similar to love for him. At times it was unbearable. But mostly, I could deal with it. He had really looked out for me in the first few weeks after we left the farm. Always walking with me, always accompanying me on different tasks, always making sure I slept and ate and drank water. He sat next to me, letting me be silent in my grief. And eventually I got back to normal, as normal as could be anyway. I started chatting again, started laughing again and it was less painful to think about Lianne.   
Daryl’s constant presence near me made me comfortable around him. Almost reliant, but not quite. It was just…natural to be around him. And I knew that he didn’t feel that way. Yes, he was protective of me, and yes, we had some-mostly one sided- flirtations, but I didn’t think he would be able to cope with any sort of intimacy like that. So I left it well enough alone in order to avoid the awkwardness that would have accompanied rejection.   
I pulled the rifle up and aimed it down at the field, readying myself for Rick’s mad dash to gate. The guys down on the ground started rattling the fences, distracting the nearby snarling Walkers as Rick took off across the field. Hershel and Carl, who had become an incredible shooter, were in the other tower and they started shooting some of the Walkers there. I was impressed with myself when I knocked a Walker down with just two bullets: one to the leg and one to the head.   
I heard Daryl grunt in approval beside me, before killing three Walkers in seconds. I turned my head and stared at him. He gave me just a shrug with a smug look on his face.   
“Show off.” I muttered before lining my gun back up.   
Carol yelled an apology as she almost got Rick’s foot. He paused for a second, before continuing to the gate. We shot up either side of the gravelled path as he got to the gate and pulled it closed, latching the hooks onto either side of the metal. He dove into the guard tower nearby.   
We surveyed for a second before Daryl straightened up. “Light it up!”   
His words gave us the signal to kill them all. The noise of the bullets sounded like firecrackers in a metal pot as we shot off all the Walkers left in the field. Within minutes, they were all on the ground.   
The silence lasted a few seconds before we ran back down the steps and into the field. As Rick appeared at the bottom of his tower, Carol took off with T-Dog across the grassy land.   
“We haven’t had this much space since we left the farm!” she started to laugh. I grinned at them all coming through the gap on the fence. Lori was one of the last.  
“Come on, mama.” I shouldered my rifle and placed my hand on Lori’s back. She grinned, tiredly, as I helped her up the sloping hill to the top towards the rest of the group.   
“You think the shots’ll attract?” I asked her as we walked.   
“Who cares?” Lori heaved. “We’re safe now.”   
And we were. For the rest of the day anyway.   
We spent the time in our safe haven making sure it was completely secure for our relaxation. We retrieved the cars and parked them at the fences, just in case of the need of a quick getaway. Settling in was incredible. Being able to take some time to do things instead of just rushing everything was better than a day at the spa. Okay, maybe not better but it was definitely up there.   
We sat around the fire eating some sort of meat. It may have been owl. It may have been a mouse.   
It had taken me some time to be able to look into the fire at night without thinking of Lianne. Eventually, everyday life pushed her out of my head so whenever I saw the flames, I didn’t experience that God awful heart wrench feeling.   
Carol went to go to give Daryl, who was standing on a beat up car we found, a little food. He ate it like he always did; wildly and with his hands.   
Rick, who had made his third lap around the field to check for chinks in our metaphorical armour around the fence, came back to the group, inhaling the food that we had kept for him- that is after he offered it to Lori.   
“This’ll be a good place to have the baby.” Beth said over me to Lori. I smiled at her innocence but agreed anyway. “Safe.”  
“Yeah. What mother doesn’t dream of having their baby in the back yard of, what looks to be, a maximum security prison?” I grinned at the expectant mother. I had become comfortable enough with them all that I could make jokes like that without fearing that they would be offended. And they weren’t, they just tittered at me and smiled.   
A few moments passed before Glenn spoke to me. “Why don’t you sing a little, Evie?”   
I almost winced. “Nah. What about Beth? She has a much better voice than I do.” I smiled, deflecting the attention from me. “I’m gonna take watch.” I pushed myself off of the grass and headed off for the fences. Carol and Daryl had jumped down from the car and were heading back. I nodded at them as I passed. Beth’s voice reached me as she began to sing ‘Parting Glass’.   
I couldn’t sing for them right now. We hadn’t been in anywhere near the mood or the situation to have a sing song in the last few months. But every time I went to, it was like my throat closed up. I couldn’t sing anything or even think about music without thinking of Lianne. I didn’t even know why. It wasn’t like the two of us had any connection over music, except from that one time at a frat house.   
My fingers hooked in the wire. I could feel tension all through me as I stared out. It was quieter out here, away from the group. I could hear the snarls of the Walkers more. They had slowed a little without anything to chase. They just milled about aimlessly.   
Barely five minutes passed before Rick came to me. I had walked not even one length of the fence when he approached, telling me he would take over.   
“You’ve been doing this for ages. I just started, why am I being told to go to bed?” I asked, confused.   
“Gonna need you tomorrow, Evie. We’re gonna try to take this place.” He spoke quickly so that I couldn’t interrupt him. “Properly, I mean. Like, get inside, some beds, maybe even get some supplies. We ain’t got much ammo left, so we’re gonna be using hand to hand. Besides, we want the least amount of bullets fired when we get inside, don’t want to lure all the Walkers to one spot.”  
I kept walking with him, slowly pacing the perimeter. “I don’t think I’m the best weapon in your arsenal, Rick.”   
“But you’re the best without a gun. I’m real thankful that your daddy made you take those krav maga classes.”   
I snorted laughter. My dad got paranoid before I went to university that I would get attacked or something so forced me to do a course on Krav Maga. I ended up enjoying it so kept going and became pretty damn good with it, hence my badass defence skills when my shooting skills were pretty average.   
“Lori wants us to hold off for a few days.” He spoke gruffly.   
“And you don’t?” I questioned.   
“Naw.” He shook his head, staring at the ground.   
“Better get it over with, I guess. Sooner we’re in, better it will be for baby.” I shrugged. “She needs a bed. Lori, I mean, not the kid. Jesus, we could put the kid in a backpack or a cardboard box. But Lori. She needs somewhere to deliver and I guess a prison is better than a field outside a prison.”   
I heard grass crunch behind us and I turned around to see Daryl. His hands were stuffed in the front pockets of his tatty jeans, his head tilted up a little, looking at us through hooded eyes.   
“You should get some sleep.” He spoke to me.   
“So should you.” I raised my eyebrows at him. We hadn’t slept in a while to be honest. We were just getting things done. “Night, Rick.” I threw the words over my shoulder to him as he took off to man the perimeter. “Come on then, poncho libre.” I walked with Daryl. He had adopted this poncho along the way that was horrific but useful. It kept him warm obviously, and it made it easy for him to ride his motorbike.   
He ignored my insult, he had heard them all already from me over the months but I kept them up despite the lack of rebuttal from him. “Rick tell you his master plan?”   
“Apparently I’m the best weapon we have.” I laughed softly as we wandered. “You’ve been replaced.”  
“Replaced by a kid doctor.” He retorted.   
I hit his arm with the back of my hand. “A kid that’s saved your butt, like, a million times in the last months.”   
He smirked a little. He wasn’t one for huge grins. It was lopsided smirks and small head shake smiles that gave him away. “Name one time.”   
“Are you joking?” I stopped in the middle of the field, my hands on my hips.   
Laughing, he shrugged. “I just don’t remember any times that you saved me.” He had a cheeky look at my face, knowing he was just putting me on. God, it made my heart ache a little.   
“Uh, how about when we went to the electronics place and you didn’t check the storeroom before going into it and I had to take the Walker out literally seconds before it sunk its teeth into your Redneck neck.” I started walking again. “And then the time I went with you and Carol and you two were too busy arguing that you didn’t hear the Walkers tied to the tree and they grabbed you?”   
Daryl’s hand went to his neck and he rubbed his calloused fingers over the muscles there. His bicep flexed as he did so, making me bite the inside of my mouth. I could never tell if he meant to do things like that, like showing the strength of his arms or the softness of his character.  
And his character was, at times, so soft. 

/  
Deep in the winter, around December or so, there was a particularly heinous week. It was freezing, the temperature barely scraping above 0 degrees Celsius. The food was drying up because the wild animals were mostly in hiding from the cold. And the ultimate problem was that we had no long term shelter. We took shifts at night time. Half of us in the cars to sleep, the other half wrapped up as much as possible keeping watch.   
I had been up the few nights before and hadn’t managed to grab more than a couple of hours in the daytime when Lori literally forced me into the backseat of the Hyundai.   
It was the ‘kids’ that were asleep at this point apparently. Beth and Maggie were in the passenger and driver’s seats and Carl was in the back. I slid into the other back seat, leaving the space in the middle, and propped my heels of my boots up on the console between the two front seats. I pulled the blanket up under my chin, my arms folded on my chest.   
I was barely asleep two seconds when there was a soft rap on the window. My eyes opened to see Carol and Daryl standing. I pulled the handle and pushed it open a little.   
“No room at the inn.” I slid down in my seat sleepily. Carol’s hand caught the edge of the door and opened it up.   
“Evie, scootch over and let Daryl in.” Carol’s hand was on her hip, giving me no option but to slide over into the middle. I checked Carl stayed asleep. He stirred a little but didn’t wake, just curled up a little tighter.   
Carol pushed Daryl in beside me and slammed the door before stalking off. I heard Maggie groan at the noise but she didn’t open her eyes.   
“She’s making me sleep.” Daryl tried to explain. It almost looked funny, him being in the backseat. “Not like I wanna-”  
“I literally don’t care. It’s 1 am and we’re getting up in five hours and I’m exhausted now that I’ve sat down. So shhh.” I twisted my body towards him a little. If I was fully rested, I wouldn’t have, but I pulled at his arm and wrapped my arms around his, resting my head on his shoulder. I could feel him tense beneath my touch. “Chill out. It’s cold. I’m not planning on taking you as my lover.” I laughed softly, almost silently as his face turned to look at me. “Yet.” I joked. His tension only heightened but I pushed the blanket over him nevertheless.   
I ended up sleeping soundly, and from what I could tell, he did too.   
I woke up after Maggie closed the door when she left. It took me a few seconds to come round and realise where I was. We had moved in the hours we had slept; Daryl’s arm was around my back, his fingers clutching at my sweatshirt. My head had slipped from his shoulder to the top of his chest, my hand holding onto the blanket at his waist.   
I took in a deep breath as my fingers curled around the material. I hadn’t slept with a man, being held by someone, in so long. I didn’t really want to move, but it seemed I had woken Daryl at the same time. I felt his grip tighten at my back, pulling me a little closer to him. I don’t think he realised that it wasn’t a normal day with a woman from his old life.   
My head moved as he inhaled the cold air and shuffled a little in his seat. His chin brushed against my hair. I really didn’t want to move.   
But I did. I sat up away from him and rubbed my eyes with my knuckles. “Morning.” I muttered. He didn’t say anything but was blinking when I turned round to face him. “Sleep alright?”  
He nodded, a little stunned, I think, at the situation; that he woke up to me curled around him. “You?”   
“Yeah. Good.” I leant over him, my arms brushing his thigh as I unlocked the door. “You’re a good pillow.” I pushed the car door open and it swung out. I climbed over him, ignoring the clearing of his throat. I almost laughed at his uncomfortableness.   
But then he spoke. “You coulda just asked me to move.”   
/


	10. Inside

Early doors the next morning, we were already on the move to claim the next yard of the prison. Glenn, Daryl, Maggie, Rick, T-Dog and I whilst the others worked to distract the strays.   
“Keep in formation.” Rick reminded us as we breached the gates. We had our backs to each other, facing out in a circle.   
“Remember, sweep their legs if you gotta knock them down, then get them. Do not break ranks, it’s not safe.” I reminded them. Over the months, I had been teaching them all small methods that made us more efficient when it came to hand to hand killing of the Walkers. We were quite speedy at it now, it was routine.   
We took them down in quick succession, without much risk and it looked like we could do it fine. That is until Rick rounded a corner and immediately dropped back, motioning for us all to flatten against the wall. From what I could guess from Rick’s whispers, there was an open gate. Unless we got that closed, we were pushing upstream against a too powerful river.   
Just as we were about to rally to go for the fence, four Walkers emerged. They were obviously the old guards, dressed in riot gear. Daryl’s arrow shot past is but fell to the ground, unable to get through the armour. I couldn’t keep track of everyone as the Walkers rushed at the fence. I focussed on fending off the ones coming towards me. Another guard emerged, whacking me on the body in an attempt to eat me. I was protected from his dangerous teeth by his riot helmet, but it also meant he was protected from me. My hand yanked up the shield of his helmet and I thrust my knife up, slamming into the Walker’s chin and right through its head into its brain. I grabbed my hand back from its slumping body. “Under the helmet! Under the helmet!” I shouted to the others.   
Maggie did as I said and she decimated one of the guards. Rick and Daryl had went for the fence and managed to slam it shut as we dealt with the others.   
There was just two guards left after a few minutes. Daryl took one and Rick the other. I shook my hand letting the blood splatter off of me and onto the ground. Daryl his knife into the back of one of the Walker’s heads, right at the base of its skull beneath its helmet.   
Rick knocked his Walker to the ground, pinning it with his foot. He ripped off the helmet, and along with the hard protection, the skin came off with it.   
“Gross.” I grimace as I watched Rick finish him off.   
My arms were dripping with blood and sweat. I stunk of a rotting corpse, I was fully aware of that as Maggie high fived me.   
The Walkers were clamouring at the fence, yearning to get in to get us.   
“We should get that cleared.” Rick shifted on his feet. “Not right now. But eventually.”   
We all stared around the place, waiting for anymore Walkers to stumble out at us. “Looks pretty secure.”   
I made a face. “Not really. I mean, look. There’s women.” I pointed at the three female Walkers slain on the ground. “This is a men’s prison judging by the dead in the uniforms. These women are moving in from somewhere.”   
Daryl nodded. “You’re right. These guys,” he gestured. “They’re civilians. This place could be overrun inside.”   
I chewed at the inside of my mouth, waiting for Rick to give us some orders. Glenn said what we were all thinking. If it was overrun inside, we had no chance. We couldn’t build up new walls, we couldn’t redo the whole prison.   
“We gotta go in. Clear some areas and then we can all settle.” Rick double checked that we weren’t going to freak out about it. We weren’t.   
We got back into a formation and crept in slowly. It was the first time I had ever been in a prison. It looked very like what I had seen in movies and TV. Heavy on the concrete. We entered into what looked like a gathering place, maybe?   
It was a large room with a few metal tables. The smell of dampness and blood was almost intoxicating. This place hadn’t seen sunlight in a long, long time. If ever, actually.   
Papers scattered the floor; some newspapers, some faded bits of parchment. The windows had bars on them, all criss-crossed like a guard against the glass. In the middle of the room, there was a large tower with 360 view window at the top. Rick climbed the rackety metal stairs up to the tower before whispering down that the guard was already dead. It begged to question- by who? By Walker or by inmate?   
The jingle of keys as Rick descended the stairs kept our attention on him. He unlocked the first gate slowly and we slipped through, taking it cell by cell.   
The place was a mess. Rags and papers were everywhere on the ground. Dead men lay in the cells; not all of them, just a few. But there was blood in every cell.   
I climbed the stairs, Rick and Daryl behind me. The first two cells were clear, which made me relax a little. This was wrong.   
Hands lunged at me and I jumped back, my back hitting the railing in shock. The rattling noise alerted the Walker in the next cell and I stared at the two Walkers, reaching out, snarling loudly. It took me a few seconds to regain both balance and composure before I got the first Walker in the head. Rick slid past me and got the second one.   
“You good?” Rick looked back at me. My eyes were glued to the Walker I had just killed. It was slumped against the bars of the cell, its arms floppy. Its prison uniform was almost black from the blood.   
I swallowed and nodded. “I’m good.”  
Rick started to unlock the cells with the many keys on the hook. My hip did ache though. I rubbed at it, massaging the muscle to stop it from stinging so much. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Daryl watching my hand move on my hip.   
“Looking at something in particular?” I raised my eyebrows at him.   
His eyes darted up to meet mine in a little panic of being caught staring. But then he scoffed in dismissal before grabbing the body from Rick and helping to toss the Walker over the railing.   
“I’ll go get the others!” T-Dog yelled up to us. I ran back down the stairs to help Maggie clear out the cells as best as possible for the rest of the group coming in.   
“Everyone okay?” Hershel asked as he arrived inside.   
“We’re all whole. The place is a bit of a hole. But it is safe.” I grinned and hung onto his shoulder.   
“God is good today.” He nodded. I laughed softly and pecked his cheek before welcoming the rest of them inside.   
“Everyone grab a cell. We’re sort everything tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight, guys.” Rick called round to us all.   
Carol came in behind Lori, hand at her back to help her along. “Come on, we’ll get you settled.” I smiled. She headed up the stairs, me holding her hand to help her and Carol behind, just in case. We went into the cell a few away from the stairs. For tonight, Carol was going to stay with Lori.   
“You want the top or the bottom bunk?” I asked Lori. She stared at me for a second before I grinned and she laughed.   
“Funny. Funny.” She pushed her long, thick hair back.   
“I’ll leave you guys too it. You need me, wake me.” I told her.   
“Good night, Evie.” Carol smiled. “Love you.”  
I smiled sleepily and said the same to them. I don’t know quite why, but after we left the farm, the ‘love yous’ became more frequent and more vocal. We weren’t just a group forced together anymore, we morphed into a real family. A family who said ‘I love you’.   
I tossed my hardy backpack into the cell at the very end, beside the stairs. Daryl had settled on the perch, opting out of taking a cell. He got a good look at the whole cell block from where he was standing. “You’re seriously not taking a cell?” I spoke softly.   
“I ain’t being locked up. Not now, not ever.” He shook his head and dumped his duffel on the floor.   
“You have the keys, dumbass.” I stared at him as he lay down and stretched out on the floor. His hand tucked behind his head, he ear brushing against his muscle. I swallowed before going into the cell next to the one I had claimed.   
My hands tiredly grabbed the corner of the mattress of the bottom bunk and dragged it off the stand. I dumped it on the floor just outside the bar and kicked it towards him.   
“It’s probably got fifty guys’ various fluids on it-” I began.   
“So something you’re used to?” he interrupted. He looked happy with himself that he had come up with that so quickly.   
I cracked a smile and kicked his leg. “It’ll be better than the floor. You’re welcome. Dipshit.”   
I went back into my cell and flounced on the bottom bunk. After a few seconds, I heard him pull the mattress over, so I assumed he was using it.   
Although I had slept the night before, I was very welcoming of the opportunity to nap. I curled up on the weird smelling bed and fell asleep in minutes.


	11. Trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is enjoying it, please leave any feedback!! Also I'm not sure how long to leave the chapters, if anyone has any thoughts about whether they reply longer chunk chapter or more shorter chapters, please PLEASE PLEASE let me know!

I stared at the guns on the table that Rick had pooled from the guards’ bodies. It was more ammo than we had seen in months.   
T-Dog looked them all over. “This is amazing.”   
I folded my arms, taking it all in. “Yeah, it’s good. But it’s fuck all useful.”   
“Why you so negative?” T-Dog looked almost offended that I was dismissing the weapons. I laughed a little and shoved my hands in the back pockets.   
“I’m sorry but it’s true. We can’t use this inside the prison. It’ll be like sending off the bat signal to tell every Walker where we are.” I told them.  
“She’s right.” Rick nodded, sorting through the weaponry.   
“Evie?”   
I turned round to see Carol standing, holding onto the bars of the gate to our cell black. “Yeah?”  
“Can I have you a minute?”   
Rick turned too, his stare going between Carol and I as I walked towards her. He questioned if Lori was alright. She said yes, but I didn’t fully believe her. And I had reason.   
As soon as I had climbed the stairs and entered Lori’s cell, I could see her fear. Lori was perched on the edge of her bed, her hand rubbing her bump protectively. Her belly button was protruding, pressing against her vest because she was getting so big.   
“I think it’s gone.” She stared up at me, her eyes full of fear and worry. “I can’t feel it move. There’s no Braxton Hicks. I think I’ve lost it.” She kept rubbing her belly as I dropped down to kneel beside her but I couldn’t get a word in edgeways as she continued. “If we’re all in infected, it would make sense that it is too. What if it’s still born? What if it’s dead inside? What if it’s turned and what if it turns me?”  
“What if, what if, what if.” I shook my head and spoke softly, laying my hand on her knee. “You’re just freaking out. That’s all this is, Lori.” I stroked my thumb over her knee and she exhaled heavily. “How long have you been stressing like this?”   
“Since the second I found out I was pregnant. If it’s infected, if I get infected, I need you to save Carl at all costs. Leave me, leave the baby. Save the rest of you all, save Carl.” She clenched her fingers around my wrist. Carol sunk to sit next to the worrying mother and looked at me with a mirroring expression of concern. “Promise me. Both of you.” She looked between Carol and I. “Look after Carl if anything happens. Look after him. Do not leave him.”  
“Are you crazy?” I almost laughed at what Lori was saying. “You think we’re gonna just ditch him? I love that kid like he’s my brother. We’re all family, Lori. You know that.” I stared into her eyes, they were starting to well up and she sniffed hard to calm herself. She was about to say something more when Hershel shuffled into the cell.   
“She good?” he surveyed the three of us.   
“She will be. I’ll grab the kit and be right back.” I grabbed the top bunk and pulled myself up to stand. My hip was aching from my slam into the railing up the stairs but it wasn’t bad enough for me to waste what little medication we had left.   
“Daryl wants you to get a vest on.” Hershel said briefly. He was referring to the stab proof vests that Rick had managed to pull. We had gotten this far without. I rolled my eyes and he saw. “I’m wearing one, so you better wear one too, young lady.”   
I only smiled and went down to see them. I wasn’t going to go.   
“Here.” Daryl’s arm was outstretched, holding the heavy black material in his hand. I noted that the only vest he was wearing was his usual leather wing one.   
I shook my head. “I don’t need it.”  
He raised his eyebrows at me, daring me to not take it.   
“I’m gonna stay here.” I folded my arms, chewing the inside of my lip. Rick looked up at me with a crinkle between his brows.  
“But we need you.”  
“Your wife needs me too.” I shrugged. Before he could interject and ask what was wrong, I continued. “She’s fine. Just a bit anxious, she’s more relaxed when I’m around. And it’s good to have someone else stay here, just in case, you know? You guys will be fine, you can do it. Just… just don’t take on too much, come back and we can face more of them together if we have to.” I started to walk backwards back into the cell block. “Be careful.”   
I swapped with Hershel and they left, leaving just Carol, Lori, Beth, Carl and I in the cells. I sat with Lori and checked her over. I had held onto the med kit for dear life as we had bounced around the eight months previous. I was so grateful for it.  
I was kneeling by her bed as she lay back, stretched out on the bed as comfortably as possible. I pressed the stethoscope to her belly and I could hear loud and clear. “You’re good, mom. I can hear it, you wanna listen?”   
She tipped her head back on the pillow in relief and pressed her hand to her eyes, holding back tears. She made a small nod and I passed her the ear pieces. We did this every so often, usually when Carl was about. He loved hearing the baby’s heartbeat; I think it made it more real for him.   
“Can you hear?” I asked quietly, but I already knew she had heard. It was written all over her face. “From what I can feel, it’s a big baby. Those vitamins we managed to scavenge must be doing the trick.”  
“God, you don’t gotta tell me. I’m even bigger than I was with Carl. And he was bigger than a football.” She passed me back the stethoscope and I tossed it in the bag. “I’m gonna have to have a section, ain’t I?”   
I ran my hands over my face. This was our major issue. She had a c-section with Carl and it was likely she’d have to have one with this baby. Which made it riskier. We didn’t have strong enough painkillers, we didn’t have the most sanitary conditions, we didn’t have shit. “Look, we’ve went over this a million times, Lori. I can do it, Hershel can do it. You’re in safe hands, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? We can do this. No, you can do this.”   
She took a breath and squeezed my hand tight. “Thank you, Evie.”   
“Rest, okay? Just have a nap or something and then we can take a walk outside when the others get back.” I stood up and went to leave the cell. She whispered that if sounded like a good idea.   
They were gone maybe twenty minutes, half an hour at a stretch. But when they returned, everybody knew it.   
“Open the door! Open the door, it’s Hershel!” yells came flying into the cell block. Carl leapt up from the floor where we had been sitting, playing cards and fumbled with the keys. He unlocked the gate as the others came rushing in. With a gurney? There was a lot of blood. It dripped heavily on the floor, flooding the metal tray worktop that Hershel was passed out upon.   
“Evie!” Maggie screeched at me. I jumped up, finally moving into action.   
“Get him on the bed.” I ordered. I could feel my heart beating too fast, my lungs contracting too hard. It was like I was drowning in the weight of responsibility and panic. I hadn’t seen such a scene since I worked in the hospital. And even then, it was never me on my own dealing with a situation like that.   
I could hear Beth yelling, screaming and sobbing for her dad before Maggie grabbed her and pulled her back, trying to quiet her.   
I stared at the scene. They were all bloodied, Rick and T especially as the put them on the bottom bunk. And then I saw. Hershel’s leg was mutilated into a stump.  
“What the fuck happened?” I exclaimed. “He doesn’t have a fucking leg!”   
“He got bit. I had to cut it. The poison- I didn’t-” Rick stammered, staring down at the bed too. The cell was overcrowded as Lori pushed her way in. I worked with her and Carol to press sheets to the amputation. The rest of them took a step back, still clamouring though. Carl had thrown me the bag of medical things before backing out quickly.   
“Jesus.” I hissed. The blood was just pouring out of him, showing no signs of stopping. “We need to keep his leg up.” I stuffed the pillow from the top bunk under his leg and yanked the pillows Glenn produced for me.   
“What do we do? Do we cauterise it?” Carol asked, her hands moving speedily to discard the blood soaked rags and replace it with fresher ones.   
I shook my head. “No. That won’t stop the arteries bleeding, they’re cut too much. I gotta stitch up the blood vessels.” I nudged their hands away and poured the last of our saline solution onto the wound. I could hardly call it just a wound, it was an amputation not a butter knife cut. It was vessels, bone, muscle, flesh, everything. My hands worked quickly with the sutures as I stitched up the vessels, I hadn’t done it in so long but it was like my muscle memory jumped in and I was able to do it well. “Get the dressings ready. We can cover it but leave a gap for the fluids to drain.”   
Carol reached for the bag and pulled out what was left of the dressings. We were being cleaned out in this injury.   
I had dealt with about half of the arteries when I could hear voices, Daryl’s voice stood out but I couldn’t recognise the others. Who the hell was that? Rick left after whispering in panic to Glenn. I heard the gate clank closed a few seconds later. I kept my focus though and in ten minutes, I had it half sorted.   
“I can give him what’s left of our TXA.” I thought out loud.   
“What’s that?” Glenn asked over my shoulder.   
“It’ll help the blood clot. If I focus it on his leg, then it should stem the bleeding, but it could cause issues in the long run if he’s got any weaknesses in his heart.” I glanced up at Maggie. She was holding her little sister tight. Both their faces were red and blotchy, still wet with sobs.   
“Do it.” Maggie croaked, her voice wet and thick with fear.   
I grabbed the syringe and loaded it with the last vial which was meant to be saved for Lori. I couldn’t think about that though, I just had focus on the task at hand. I injected him with the drug. I felt like crossing my fingers to hope that it would be okay.   
I wound the bandage around the wound, I had stitched up the skin as much as possible but I couldn’t do much more. “I’ve done all I can.” I spoke softly, wiping my hands on the mattress. It was covered in blood that one more handprint wouldn’t do much more damage.   
“Should we stitch it over?” Lori felt Hershel’s face, on the lookout for a fever.   
I shook my head. “No. Gotta let it drain, the blood and fluid and all that. It’s stitched up enough. We keep it clean, covered up as much as possible. And the rest is just up to his body. We just hope that it doesn’t get infected.” I rested back on my heels, staring at the situation in front of me. A lot of blood. A lot less people. “Where are the others?” I looked behind me to Glenn.   
“We found prisoners.” He swallowed hard and went up to the top of the bed, where Hershel’s hand was cuffed to the rail of the bunk. I hadn’t noticed anyone do that.   
I was in disbelief. How did anyone survive? The place was so overrun. “How?”  
“Had one gun, hid in the kitchen. Guess Rick’s making a deal with them right now.” Maggie spoke softly, transfixed on her father’s face.   
“That was quick. What you did.” Carol commented, meaning my treatment of the amputation.   
“It’s what I did. Trauma.” I shrugged. “Did I never mention that?”   
“No.” Carol shook her head. “But you’ve only just been able to admit to yourself that you have the skills of a doctor and not just a student.”  
That was true. It wasn’t until after we left the farm that I stopped correcting them when they called me a doctor. I was, I guess. I mean, I could have graduated from my university in the UK. I just postponed it because I was postponing adulthood as far as possible.   
“Over here, it’s what I did. Half of it was doing research at the university into different techniques to treat trauma with what we developed, which was basically a regenerative drug. But we had to earn our keep by working at the university partner hospital. I got to be in the trauma ward. I was never in charge, of course. But, uh, I learnt a shit ton. You kinda have to see stuff to get to grips with it.” I shrugged. My mind jumped back to some memories of the hospital. The blue scrubs, the beeping of the codes, the jargon of the ICU. It terrified and exhilarated me.   
“Food delivery!” A call came through the cells. T-Dog passed us, heaving boxes. The two Greenes stayed with their father, along with Glenn and Carol but I left the cell to see the men come in with the boxes, dumping them on the ground. “This’ll keep us for a little while.”   
I raised my eyebrows, peeking in the box; rice, tins, spaghetti, sauces. Even custard and rice pudding. That was a dream come true to us.   
“What’s happening?” Rick made a beeline for me as soon as he dropped the boxes he held.   
“As shitty amputations go, you did a pretty good job. Relatively clean cut, we just gotta hope it doesn’t get infected.” I sighed before continuing to brief him on the issues at hand. “No signs of a fever and we managed to stop the blood, blood pressure seems alright. But his pulse is high and he hasn’t woken back up yet.”   
Rick nodded, glancing into the cell to see them watching Hershel’s unmoving body.   
“Look,” I pulled him over by the elbow. “I know this, the food, is important, but we need some more med supplies; fresh bandages mostly. We keep things clean, don’t need saline but we do need some fresh water and salt would be helpful. It’s for Lori. If I need to do a section, she needs to be stitched back up and bandaged and kept clean if she has any chance of surviving.”  
He ground his teeth and nodded. I knew he knew this but I had to tell him the gravity of the situation. If she went into labour right there and then, I would be using prison sheets and river water to help her. It was far from ideal and very close to lethal.   
I watched him lick his lips and then press them together. His hand dragged over the stubble on his face and I could tell he was going to inform me of something. And he did. The prisoners that they had found – there were five of them – gave us half of the remaining food supply in exchange for our promise of help to clear a cell block for them.   
“Like you said, no guns. So we might need you on this.” He looked sorry to ask me and I knew why. I wasn’t an idiot. We were in a maximum security prison in Georgia. These prisoners may have been the only survivors, but they were also criminals. Maybe for something less threatening like drugs, but maybe for more violent crimes. It was a risk. “You think you can leave Hershel?”   
I could have claimed to have to stay with Hershel to avoid having to face those men. And I really kind of wanted to because I did not want to have to interact with criminals. But I knew that if Rick was asking me, he felt like he needed me. “There’s nothing more I can do without supplies. Carol and Lori and Maggie can do anything I can in this situation now that he’s stitched up and medicated. It’ll just be changing the bandages.” I said honestly.   
He nodded, gripped my arm in some sort of thanks and then went through to Hershel’s cell to tell them what was happening. I took a few deep breaths and waited for Rick to come back. I was not going out to them on my own.   
Rick motioned for me to follow him, just as T-Dog left to go out. “Do not let anyone but us back in here.” Rick held the back of Carl’s neck, making him promise. Carl nodded. I gripped his shoulder on the way out. The clang of the metal closing almost made me jump.   
I went through with Rick and immediately felt the stares on me. The five men were so drastically different, but united in their clothes, reminding me who they were. There were three black men, one giant, one just tall and one guy quite short. There was also a white guy with greasy ginger hair hanging around his face. He looked like a farmer, not an inmate. And then at the front, clutching a handgun, was a Hispanic man. Immediately I could tell that he was in charge of them, or at least he thought that he was. By default, he was the biggest threat to us.   
Daryl turned his head, the crossbow clenched in his fists tightly, to see what the five men were reacting to. I saw his face harden as soon as he spotted me behind Rick.  
“She’s not coming.” He waved his hand.   
I hated being referred to like I wasn’t there. “Yeah. I am.” I tilted my head, staring at him.   
“Shit man.” The main prisoner’s mouth curled up in a smug smirk. “Didn’t know you had pussy back there! We can repopulate the Earth now that-”   
I could see Daryl drop the crossbow and go to react, his face enraged and his muscles clenching but I took a step forward before he could do anything.   
“What’s your name?” I questioned him.   
He cockily glanced at the men behind him, scoffing like my enquiry into his name was also an inquiry as to whether he would let me blow him. “Tomas. You should remember that for future reference.”   
His toothy sneer made me repress a shiver. I stared him down, refusing to act like I was anything but at ease around them.   
“Well, Tomas. You touch me, I’ll cut your balls off and make you swallow them. I’m a doctor, okay? I can do it easily, and without killing you.” I spoke with a straight face, drilling in my point. It wasn’t an empty threat either. “And if you threaten or endanger any of us- we will kill you.”


	12. Defence

There was silence for a few moments. I think even Rick and T-Dog were a little stunned. They didn’t let it show though. Tomas narrowed his eyes just a little before scoffing and shaking his head. I kept my eyes trained on him whilst Rick briefed the five men how to deal with the Walkers and they told us which way we had to go.  
We started for the corridors, Rick constantly reminded us to stay in formation. From just a few seconds with them, I knew that they didn’t know how to handle any of this. I walked just behind Daryl, T and Rick took up the back so we encircled the prisoners. In my hands I had a pole that had been on the ground and my knife. I felt comfortable with weapons these days.   
My eyes stared at the light the few flashlights were giving off and I for a few moments, I thought they were gonna be okay with this. But then we heard the first snarl and they erupted in panic, fuelled by adrenaline.   
“They’re coming!” The small, ginger man yelled right in my ear. I winced away from his loudness. As soon as they saw the first Walker they rushed forward, leaving the four of us standing. We all stared at them as they attacked like a street gang, stabbing the Walker’s in the gut, uselessly.   
“They’re idiots.” T-Dog whispered in disbelief.   
“How did they survive this long?” I questioned, my face screwed up in confusion and disgust as they acted like untrained chipmunks in their attempts to take this thing down.   
For a few seconds longer, we just watched. Daryl put them out of their misery and shot an arrow directly into the Walker’s skull. It took us a few seconds, but we pulled them back in, trying to get the focussed again.   
“It had to be the brain.” Daryl told them again, sounding a little harassed, as we went further around the corridors.   
“No prison riot crap, okay? Stay in formation.” Rick hissed to them as we advanced. Our noise had awoken some Walkers and maybe seven of them rounded the corner, stumbling towards us. As the undead go, these ones were especially emaciated so they were both weaker and more desperate than other kinds.   
I could feel them panicking around me and so we advanced as a group, in an attempt to keep everyone on point. I killed two Walkers on my own in quick succession, and the tall black prisoner, who I think was called Oscar, knocked one down in front of me. I nodded in approval, he did it well and he did it right. I couldn’t exactly say the same of the others. Axel, the ginger one, was just hacking at his Walker who was scrambling on the ground. T-Dog had to step in and finish it off. Everything seemed to be going okay until I heard shots. The bullets were ricocheting off of metal and concrete, and they were very close to where we were. I spun round to check on the group. Rick was gone. Two of the prisoners were gone. One of them being Tomas.   
We clambered through the door into the next corridor. The prison was like a maze. Everything was interconnecting, all the corridors and rooms and cells.   
The big guy was standing, looking terrified, his uniform ripped. Then there was Tomas, holding a gun, looking terrifying. And finally Rick. He stood just a few metres from the doorway, giving us space to move in.   
“We told you, no guns.” Rick shook his head, glaring at Tomas’ back. “What happened?”   
“You good, Tiny?” Axel moved in, asking the big guy aptly name Tiny.  
Tiny looked panicked but thankful that he was safe. “They just came out of nowhere, I don’t know. I’m fine though- I’m fine.” He insisted, patting himself down.   
“He’s bleeding.” Rick pointed at the blood splotch on the shoulder of Tiny’s uniform. “Evie.”   
Somewhat reluctantly, I moved out from behind the others and approached the possibly bitten felon. I swallowed hard and reached up on my tiptoes to look at the skin revealed by the torn piece of clothing. I pulled the material away to see the scratches on curve of his neck, almost looking like a bite. Scratches were just as lethal as the bite. There was no doubt in my mind that he was infected.   
I bit at my lip and took a half step back to look at Rick. I shook my head. “He’s…You’re infected.” I told Tiny apologetically. He was already panicked before but my news had sent him into a spiral.  
“Can’t you do something? You got the old guys leg off! You’re a doctor!” Oscar rambled as they all clamoured, shouting at the situation.   
“It’s right at his neck.” I gestured. “It’s just gonna kill him even quicker, it’s already spreading through his body by now.”  
Tiny looked terrified. He insisted that he felt fine, that he wasn’t infected, that he wasn’t feeling sick. But it would hit him in a while and he would get sick and then it would just get worse. His efforts to convince Rick otherwise were futile. Rick was never going to risk our group for the life of one convict.  
I was close to feeling bad about the situation when Tomas clocked Tiny on the back of the head with his other weapon; a large pole with a hammer like pointed head. I gasped loudly at the finality of it, the intensity of the hit. Tiny hit the ground hard. He was definitely dead. It was instant, at least. But that wasn’t enough for Tomas. He started laying into Tiny, slamming the sharp end of the weapon into the man’s body. Blood splattered every time he yanked the weapon out of the wound.   
I felt the warmth splash across my face. Horrified, I stumbled back a little, away from Tomas. He was unfazed, just mutilating Tiny. My breath fell out of my body as I stared in disbelief at the two on the ground. Everyone else was just staring, wincing with every blow that Tomas administered.   
In the midst of it, I felt a hand at my wrist. I could barely drag my eyes away from the scene to see Daryl tugging me away from the craziness and closer to him.   
Eventually Tomas stopped and stood up, like nothing had happened. His white prison vest was saturated in the blood that was also scattered on me. I wiped at my face, trying to get rid of the blood, but he seemed unbothered by it. It was like he didn’t register the looks of horror on our faces. Or he just didn’t care.   
Tomas pushed past Axel and the two other prisoners and went into the corridor, expecting us to follow him. And we did. Despite what had just happened, we had to clear the area and get them into a cell block.   
T-Dog moved back to the front and led. I had to force myself at a few points to continue and not to turn around and run back to the rest of the group. This situation scared me. But I knew I couldn’t let any of them know it, not even the people from my group. I was fearless about a lot of things and I wanted them to know that. I was never going to be a burden.   
We got to a laundry room. Even though, logically, I knew those massive machines surrounding us hadn’t been on for months, the smell of starch and steam was still pungent in the air. Maybe it was just extreme dampness.   
We faced a double door, apparently the cell block they were heading for was just a few doors away. And then we wouldn’t have to deal with them again. Apparently.   
Daryl chucked the keys to Tomas. “You open this.”  
“Only one door.” Rick ordered. Tomas smirked. I got the impression he wasn’t keen on taking orders. “Just one, okay? You open just the one, you control the stream of the Walkers. We can manage it like that.”  
Tomas looked smug still and it made me feel even more uneasy. I clung tightly to the weapons in my hands.   
“You bitches ready? I got this.” Tomas exclaimed, his voice loud and triumphant, booming through the laundry room.   
He swung back on the handles of the doors and opened up both of them. A queue of Walkers burst through the doors. Rick roared in anger at him but Tomas just shrugged, readying himself with the weapon used to kill Tiny.   
“Shit happens!”  
We had to work quickly. We had to take on more than one each at a time, which was dangerous. Twice I got very close to Walkers’ teeth as I was killing them. I glanced round nervously, the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Everyone was still alive, still fighting but then a second later, Rick was on the ground getting suffocated by a Walker. Rick grappled with it, trying to keep its teeth away from his flesh.  
I put down my Walker, kicking it to the ground and crushed it’s skull with the heel of my boot. Now free from an immediate danger I swung the pole and knocked the Walker sideways off of Rick. A few seconds later, the others had cleared the room of the Walkers whilst I shoved the pole down through the top of the last one’s skull.   
In eerie silence, Rick’s attention focussed on Tomas.  
“It was coming right at me, there was nothing I could do.” Tomas insisted. But we all knew he was talking shit. He opened the doors like that on purpose to throw us off, he took a swing and then shoved a Walker towards Rick in an attempt to kill him.   
Rick shook his head and made eye contact with me over Tomas’ shoulder. I took a step forward and clenched my fist around his shoulder, pressing my foot into the back of his knee to force him onto his knees. He fell, stunned at the fact I had reduced him to that.   
Rick was looking enraged, and I knew then that we were not going to be delivering Tomas safely to the cell block.  
The small black guy, who hadn’t offered up his name, started yelling and swinging his baseball bat erratically.   
“Hey, hey!” Rick yelled, putting his hand out to get him to stop. Daryl pointed the crossbow at him and shouted, threateningly.   
He was just serving as distraction.   
The next thing happened quickly. So fast, in fact, that I didn’t actually know how it happened. One second, Tomas was kneeling on the floor, the next he was standing with the gun pointed at me.   
“Nobody move!” he yelled.   
I froze in shock, staring at him. I was quick in my defensive reactions, but I wasn’t quicker than a bullet leaving a gun. My lips parted, my breath came out shallowly. I had never been on this side of a gun before.   
“What are you doing, man?” Axel stared at Tomas. So it seemed that they weren’t all bad.   
But I couldn’t think of anything redeeming of the men at that moment because I wasn’t just staring at the barrel of the gun, I was staring at Tomas’ aggressive, disturbing expression. It was like he was looking at me like some sort of prey. His previous statement came back to me and my stomach dropped.   
“This is our house!” Tomas yelled. “This is our place. We ain’t gonna let you pussies tell us what we can and can’t have. I can have it all.” His spit landed on my face and I flinched. I wanted to look at the others, see what their expressions were like but I did not want to take my eyes off of him for even a second.   
“We had an agreement.” Rick said from behind me, his voice quieter than it was before.   
“We can have a new agreement.” The words were barely out of his mouth when he took a step closer to me. I cringed and ground my teeth when he wrapped an arm around my waist. He moved the gun from my forehead to my temple.   
“Don’t.” I croaked, my voice dried up. I wanted to get away from his sweat palm as it ran down my back.   
“You don’t get to tell me anything.” He yanked harshly at my body, pulling me flush against him.   
Nauseated, I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the feeling of him palming my backside through my jeans. He squeezed at my flesh roughly. “We’re really gonna repopulate the earth.” His breath fanned over me. He smelled stale and rotting, just as bad as the Walkers. My top was getting wet from the blood on his vest.   
“Hey!” I heard Daryl yell.   
“Leave her alone.” Rick ordered. “She’s just a kid.”  
“She’s old enough!” Tomas snarled he took a step away, glowering at Rick. The gun was still trained at my face but I knew that if I didn’t take advantage of his split second distraction, I might not have had another chance.   
Without a second of really thinking about it, I slammed my heel of my hand into his forearm, just above his wrist. Simultaneously, I stepped sideways and, with my other hand, hit the gun. It spun in our hands, doing a 180 turn so the barrel was now, thankfully, facing away from me. With my spin of the gun, I had twisted Tomas’ finger right round as it had been situated on the trigger.   
He yelped out in pain as I yanked the weapon entirely from his reach.   
The look of regret on his face as he realised that he had done the wrong thing was satisfying as hell. I clutched gun comfortably now, holding the grip firmly, like I had held it for years before.   
But before even beginning to threaten him, I brought my leg up swiftly and my shin made direct contact with his crotch.   
He doubled over in pain, whining like a dog. He was back on his knees. Back to being a neutralised threat. But I wasn’t got to give him the opportunity to turn on us again.   
“You good?” Rick came up behind me, his hand tentatively going to my shoulder. I didn’t take my eye off of the Hispanic man on the ground. He wasn’t as cocky as he had been just seconds before.   
“I’ve got this.” I said confidently. “I warned you what would happen if you touched me.” I spoke clearly. My voice wasn’t wavering anymore. The feeling of the weapon in my hand made me feel safe, feel assured. “But I’m not going to do that.” The relief in his face was hilarious, because it was like he thought he was off the hook, that I was going to let him off scot free. “Because I also warned you what would happen if you endangered any of us.”   
I barely let the words hang in the air before I pulled the trigger. My arm jilted backwards as Thomas slumped over sideways and hit the ground, shoulder first. Blood dribbled down his forehead. I had got him right in the middle. He wasn’t going to come back, but I wasn’t going to let them burn the body. I didn’t care if he got devoured.   
Months ago, before any of the outbreak, the undead, the craziness happened, I would have never hit someone offensively, let alone kill them. I would never have thought I would be comfortable around weapons. I would have held the gun like a novice, with both hands and my eyes squished closed. I would have screamed every time I had to shoot.   
But now I didn’t. I had no hesitation killing someone who put me and my family at risk.   
It didn’t mean I wouldn’t worry over it or obsess over the ethics of it or be concerned about whether I had done the right thing. But I knew that I had done the right thing in that situation. He had to die. It was just as well me that kill him than anyone else in the group.   
The man, the smallest black man who had distracted us with the baseball took a run at Rick but failed. In a panic, he took off, dashing out the door and down the corridor. Rick took off after him as Daryl ordered the other two to their knees.   
“You okay?” Daryl came to stand beside me, still keeping the point of his crossbow directed at the two lasting inmates.   
I nodded and swallowed hard, dropping my hand to my side. The gun felt heavier now.   
Rick was back in moments, saying that their friend had gone out for some air. Probably wouldn’t be seeing him again.   
“I’m into my chemicals but I’m not a killer!” Axel insisted, pleading for his life.   
I didn’t want to be involved in this one so I took a few steps away and leant against one of the washing machines. The wet blood that had transferred from Tomas to me smeared against the white metal.  
He was a killer. My conscience was clear.   
“Let’s go, Evie.” Rick’s voice alerted me that we were continuing on. Oscar and Axel were safe for now, but still unwelcome.   
We reached the cell block in minutes. They walked in and saw the bodies on the ground, bodies of men they may have known. I saw the scared expressions on their faces. They had been shielded, kind of, from the horror of the outside. They had been locked in the canteen whilst the rest of the prison went to shit. This was them facing the reality for the first time.   
“Let’s go.” Rick told us. I dropped the pole on the ground, figuring they could do with the extra weapon.   
“You’re just gonna leave us?” Oscar stared incredulously at us.   
“That was the deal. You guys have this area. Take it or leave it.” Rick shrugged. I was the first to leave. I waited for the others along the corridor. I leant my back on the cold cement. I just hoped there was no blood on the wall where I was leaning. Rick followed me close behind and stood across from me, waiting for the other two.   
I could hear Daryl say that he was sorry about their friends before his footsteps come along the corridor. T-Dog came along moments later and we headed back towards our cell block. We hadn’t even been there two days and I was already looking forward to getting back, getting into my disgusting cell bed.   
The four of us stayed silent as we walked through the corridors. Although we were still alert on the lookout for any other Walkers, we were a little more relaxed because we had already cleared that route.   
We came into the bigger room and Rick called for Carl to open up the block door for us. I watched as Rick wrapped an arm around Carl’s shoulder, hugging his son.   
“Everything okay here?” Rick questioned as we all moved in. The others in the group were either in Hershel’s cell or spilling out of into the open area of our block.   
“Hershel stopped breathing. But mom saved him.” Carl said simply.   
“What?” I exhaled and moved past them all into the cell. I stooped to see Hershel. My hand pressed against his cheek, he was still cool, still at a normal temperature. His pulse was dropping back to normal, no longer worryingly high. His breathing was just a little laboured but it always was a little. I went to check his wounds when I realised that it looked different from the way I had left it. “What happened to the bandages I put on?”   
Lori took a breath and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “Carl took a trip and found the supplies in the infirmary.”   
Anger flared up inside of me. It was disproportionate, it was misplaced. “Alone?”   
Lori frowned a little and looked at me, a little confused. “Yeah. He snuck off, came back with everything he could find.”   
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, turning to look at Carl. He looked at me sheepishly from just outside the cell. I could tell he had already gotten into trouble for it but I couldn’t help but storm out. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. “Do you have a death wish?” I questioned, my voice hard and hushed.   
When he twitched his eyebrows in confusion, he looked exactly like his mother. “What?”  
“You do not wander off on your own through this place. We don’t know our way yet, it’s not safe.” I had to control the volume of my voice to stop from shouting at him.   
“I killed Walkers! I can do this, you know I can. Why’d you even care? You’re not my mom!” he was scowling at me, yelling wildly. He didn’t care if the others heard.   
Why was I acting like this? I knew that he was prone to doing crap like this, it was his parents’ job to deal with it, not mine. “Because. Just because. Accidents happen, okay?!” I could feel the emotion, the anger and upset and fear rose from the middle of my stomach up to my diaphragm and into my throat resulting in a spew of horrible words. “You could easily get bit, just like Hershel. And it’s not just Walkers- there could be other people and believe me, they’re just as bad right now. Look at my top.” I grasped at the blood material. “One of the prisoners killed another one of the prisoners and then tried to kill me. I have a lot of different people’s blood on me right now because I had to kill one of them. Jesus, Carl, you do this, you run off on your own, you’re acting like a kid!”  
“I am a kid!” He screamed at me.   
His loud, shrill sounding voice made me jilt a little in shock.   
He was a kid.   
He was a child.   
Why was I shouting at him? And why was I shouting at him over something I wasn’t really that angry about?  
My body froze up for a moment, but I felt the back of my nose sting and my eyes tingle. “I’m sorry.”   
He just looked at me like I had hit him. I had never shouted at him, not really. There was a few harsh words over the months but nothing more than ‘God, Carl just give me two minutes’ if he was crowding me whilst I tried to do something or ‘Carl, run!’ if we were in the midst of a Walker emergency. I took a step back and turned round to go out but instead hit Daryl straight in the chest.   
He stared down at me, looking as concerned as I felt over my behaviour. I could feel the others looking at me too but I couldn’t bear to confront their stares.   
“I need some air.” I croaked to Daryl. He moved, pulling the keys out of his pocket, and unlocked the door for me. I could sense him at my back as I left. “Don’t follow me.” I put a hand up and stalked off through the larger room and out the door into the yard.  
A lot of the bodies had been moved further down the field as we started to get rid of them but the blood was still staining the ground. That wouldn’t disappear until a few rain showers had passed. I walked slowed as I crossed the yard. I headed for the fence by the cleared field we had initially ventured into.   
I blinked slowly, taking in a few deep breaths, and hooked my fingers around the wired fence. I was so mean, so rude to Carl. I had shouted at a person who should still be in school. That wasn’t me. I was never a shouter. I was an argumentative person but I always got my point across in a firm, low volume manner.   
Maybe killing Tomas wasn’t as easy to do as I thought.   
“Evie, darlin’?”   
I knew it was Lori before I turned around. Honestly, I was kinda surprised that she was the one to come out for me. Daryl, yeah. Carol, yeah. Rick, possibly. But Lori wasn’t my first thought. I loved her, she was great. She was a mom so it was in her nature to check in on me. But first and foremost, I was her doctor and she came to me with stuff to do with the baby.   
I sniffed hard. I hadn’t cried yet and I wasn’t planning on it. “I’m sorry. For shouting at Carl.” I put my hands up, getting my apology out of the way. “It wasn’t my place. I was really mean and I’ll talk to him and apologise, I swear.”   
She came to stand beside me, looking out over the field I had stared at minutes before. “Nah. It’s okay. He needed shouting at. He doesn’t listen to me anymore, you know that. Everyone knows that actually.”   
“I’m not his mom. I shouldn’t have… I was just angry about what happened and I took it out on him.” I pressed my forehead against the wire. And then I realised we might have killed a Walker there so I stood straight again and wiped my skin just in case.   
“You talk to him, you’re fine with me. And Rick. Honestly, I think he’s happy someone is parenting Carl.” Her voice was dripping with regret over the changes in the family’s relationships over the months. I understood. I had seen it all change.   
I just nodded.   
“I had to beat the others to get the chance to get out here first to talk to you.” She smiled at me. I snorted a short laugh. “Seriously, I did. Hershel’s awake, by the way.”  
Good news, finally. “Thank god.”  
“Yeah, he looked over his leg, said you did a good job. But it’ll probably take him a few days to feel okay with the loss of a limb.” Lori stared at me as I kept my gaze on the treeline. “And Rick told me about what happened.” Her voice dropped to a soft whisper.   
I pressed my lips together. “I killed a human. Apart from Lianne, I’ve never done that. I never even thought about it. And honestly? He killed someone in front of us, he tried to kill Rick, he groped my ass and put a gun to my head so I know that I was in the right to kill him. And I don’t actually think I feel bad about it. What I feel bad about is not bloody feeling bad about it.” I rambled, my words came out quicker. I think because I was upset, my accent was getting stronger and more Scottish. But she could still understand what I was saying. “I’m supposed so save people, not kill people.”   
“You do save people.” She promised me. “You saved Lianne from turning. You saved Hershel and Beth and you continue to do that and continue to keep us healthy. And you are protecting us by getting rid of that man. He was a convict. You have nothing to worry about. And we love you. All of us do.” Her hands went to the sides of my arms to comfort me. “So come inside. We are eating a full meal. For the first time in a while. So come inside, Evie.”   
I dropped my head a little and nodded, pathetically. I wanted to be mothered at that moment. I was emotional and I wanted to be mothered.   
I could feel her pull at my arms but I stayed up straight. “I’m going to cover you in blood. My top’s still wet.”   
She just breathed a smile and pulled me in again. I didn’t resist this time. I could feel her hard baby bump pressing against me so I had to really lean.   
I let her lead me back in and I went up, immediately to change my top. I didn’t want to have dinner with a bloodied top. It felt good to peel it off of me and chuck it on the floor. I replaced it with a baggy blue t-shirt. It was a men’s one that we had scavenged along the way. But it was weirdly soft against my sore skin. I couldn’t remember I time that I didn’t ache.   
Whilst Carol and T-Dog prepared dinner, I checked in on Hershel. He was…as cheery as could be expected. Beth refused to leave his side.   
We had ‘meat fried’ rice. It filled me incredibly. And there were even slices of cornbread to go with it. I had never eaten cornbread before I had come to the States. I had eaten a lot of it since.   
We were using the round, canteen-like table in the large room to eat. Carl had taken his to sit in the cell block. He was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall across from Hershel’s cell. I couldn’t tell if he was keeping an eye on Hershel or on Beth. I was leaning towards Beth.   
Halfway through scoffing my meal, I took my metal canister and went to the cells. “Room for one more?” I questioned, looking down at Carl. I couldn’t see his face. It was masked by the brim of his hat but I could see his shrug.   
I folded myself onto the floor, placing my food on my lap. I shovelled another spoonful of the rice meal into my mouth before saying anything.   
“I’m sorry, Carl.” I spoke.   
He muttered something that sounded like he said that he didn’t care, he was fine.   
“I know you’re fine. But I want to say sorry. I shouted at you and I shouldn’t. I don’t even know why. I was upset about something else and I took it out on you and I’m sorry.” I didn’t eat another mouthful until he looked up at me. He didn’t even need to look up that far because he had gotten so tall.   
“You don’t normally yell at me.” he blinked and pressed his lips together.   
I slid down a little and stretched my legs out in front of me. “I know. I just. I’m twenty four, and you’re a lot younger but I get scared all the time. And so, I just got scared when I thought of you being alone.”  
“But I came back.” He pointed out.   
“But you might not have.” I rebutted immediately. “And you’re my buddy. I don’t wanna have to set you on fire or bury you. I don’t want to lose my other friend. It still doesn’t give me an excuse to have shouted at you though, I get that and I’m still sorry.”   
He thought for a second and sat quietly next to me. “You don’t only have one friend. You have at least two.”   
He had a cheeky little mischievous smile on his face and I knew that his smiling meant I was forgiven. I nudged him with my elbow.   
“I love you, kid.”   
He wrinkled his nose a little before saying. “You too.”   
I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and squished him until he whined at me to get off of him. I had no brothers but he was pretty darn close at this point.


	13. Daryl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a long chapter- but I hope you enjoy! Please, please leave comments!

We cleared up and readied supplies and eventually I passed out in a nap before everyone else had gone to sleep. I had been napping a lot. It seemed to be the one thing I excelled at these days. But everyone preferred me to. I had figured out after we left the farm and after a few sleepwalking bouts whilst we were on the road, that naps were the key to avoiding sleepwalking. It had only taken me twenty four years to figure that one out.   
When I stirred, I checked my watch. There was barely enough light for me to see but I could make out that it was just past three in the morning and the place was silent. I stretched out on the bed, my sock covered toes pressing against the metal pole at the bottom corner.   
I lay there for a few seconds before I finally forced myself to sit up. The mattresses really needed cleaned. I made a mental note to bring that up to the others. I mean, if we were going to stay there for a while, we might as well at least attempt to wash the things we were going to be sleeping on.  
I reached for my sneakers and slipped them on without tying the laces. It was never cold, not really, especially now we were maybe getting into summer. I couldn’t really keep track of the months, just weeks and days, mostly governed by Lori’s pregnancy. I didn’t need a jumper or even a long sleeved top when I tip toed out of my cell. I could hear soft snores and breathing coming from the cells, more loudly from Hershel’s cell down the stairs.   
Carefully, I headed for the stairs. Daryl was lying on his mattress on the perch. Only a tiny bit of light from the moon shone in from the window above him, but I could make out his arm curled around the pillow. His back faced me, just covered by his checked sleeveless shirt and a blanket reaching his waist. Two questions. How could he sleep in a button up shirt? And why did he have a blanket on?   
I clutched the cold metal of the stair and crept down the stairs in an attempt to make the least amount of noise possible. I almost slid down the stairs when I saw Rick standing in the doorway to the cell, looking at me.   
“Jesus, Rick.” I hissed, clutching at my chest, shocked at the sight of him.   
He nodded his head towards the bigger room away from our sleeping group and I followed him out, beginning to wake up a little more.   
“I didn’t know if you were sleepwalking or not.” He spoke softly, moving into the middle of the room. The tables had been pushed up against the door that lead into the corridor and the wider access to the rest of the prison. The same had been done to the other entry in the block. We had blocked the corridor off halfway down. There was a corridor of single cells, all closed off in what I assumed were solitary cells for the really bad guys.   
“No, I’m definitely conscious.” I told him.   
“How you doing? After today?” he asked, folding his arms over.   
Quickly I told him that I was fine. “Look, I’ve slept for a good few hours. I can take over from you.”  
“Naw, you’re alright.” Rick shook his head, refusing me despite the omnipresent bags under his eyes and tired rub of his beard.   
“Rick. You are useless if you are overtired. We can relax a little bit now, maybe. Nobody’s getting through those two doors. We’re fine for now. Go to sleep.” I reached for the book someone had left on the stairs and sat down.   
He hesitated for a bit before huffing a grateful sigh. “Thank you.” His hand clapped down on my shoulder before he turned and slumped into the cell block. Honestly, I didn’t even know what cell he was residing in. I had never seen him sit in one cell for that long.   
The metal was cold on my arm as I leant against the side of the railing of the stairs. We had cleared the tower of the dead guard but it still stunk of decomposition so I didn’t venture up there. Instead, I flipped through the first few pages of the book; ‘Lolita’. Although I had never read it, I knew about it of course. Everyone knew the basic plot of underage girl and older guy. I made it through the first chapter before I couldn’t deal with the lack of light. It was hard to make out the words of the tatty book someone must have picked up along the road. I tossed it onto the stair and stood up, stretching my arms out and rolling my neck.   
I wandered around what I was beginning to refer to as the ‘Weird Common Room’ to see if I could find anything more interesting to do than just sit and attempt to read the book. There was very little to do in the dark.   
Quietly, I snuck through the block, checking everybody on the lower level were still alive. Beth was curled up in the cell next to the soft snoring Hershel. Carl’s arm was hanging off the bottom bunkbed, just a few centimetres from his hat that had been chucked on the concrete floor. And then there was Rick. He was already passed out in a deep sleep in his bed. A few cells along, the last one, were Maggie and Glenn slept. Glenn was on the top bunk, his hand dangling down to Maggie’s bed. Her hand was in a position that made me think they had been holding hands before they fallen asleep.   
This may have been an invasion of all of their privacy, but honestly, there wasn’t much privacy amongst us anyway, not when you had to pee in the woods and wash in the freezing cold streams.   
I crossed the doorway out of the cell block and into the other corridor, the one with all the solitary cells. I surveyed each of the cells individually. They each had the bunk beds but there were only mattresses on the bottom one. One was pretty damn clean, honestly, with just an outdated ‘Atlanta Voice’ newspaper tucked under the mattress. But one of them had tally marks scratched into the cement wall. And the other one didn’t have a bed. The last one, the one furthest from the entrance to our block, had a mouse in the corner. I left that one pretty quick.   
There were some cards in the Weird Common Room that I could try to play solitaire with. I made sure to stay quiet as I crossed the cell block and into the room. I got half way through playing when I realised I was missing seven cards. So I had to give up on that. A quick glance at my watch told me that I hadn’t even been awake for an hour. The sun would be up soon and that would give me some more light but until then, I figured I’d push through with ‘Lolita’. My reading rate slowed by, like, half because I had to squint to make out the words.   
I was almost finished the next chapter when I heard footsteps on the stairs. From what I could make out, it was someone coming down from our level, not going up. And it wasn’t Carol. She was too light on her feet. I listened hard, praying it wasn’t Lori in labour but the heavy steps told me it was either T-Dog or Daryl.   
I wasn’t surprised that it was Daryl who came into sight, standing in the doorway. His fingers were buttoning up his shirt, the one he had been wearing whilst he slept. Obviously he hadn’t had it fully buttoned which explained the answer to my previous wondering about how he slept in a restrictive shirt.   
It was kinda weird seeing him without the crossbow near him.   
“Hey.” I spoke softly. He took a few steps towards me.   
“What you doing up?” Daryl tilted his head up in question. I lifted my legs from my step so he could sit next to me.   
“I went to sleep before you all. I’m really working on the whole napping, no sleep walk thing.” I closed the book over and put it on the stair behind me. He picked it up almost immediately and read out the title.   
“The one about the creepy cradle snatcher?” he tossed it back down.   
“Pretty much.” I mean, he got it on the nose really. “Why so awake?”   
He shrugged. “You were making noise.”   
I almost scoffed. “I was silent. I am quieter than the mouse that I found in one of the solitary cells down there.”   
A tiny, tiny smile ghosted on his lips. I remembered that I had snapped at him after I shouted at Carl and instantly I felt a twinge of guilt in my stomach.   
“I, uh, I’m sorry I freaked at you earlier.” I leant my elbows on my knees and propped up my chin, tilting my head to look at him. He didn’t like it when I stared at him when we talked. He always acted more comfortable talking with me when we were driving or walking or doing something that didn’t involve us having to look at each other whilst we spoke.   
“When?” His brow tensed a little.   
“I told you not to follow me. Harshly.” I reminded him but he just rolled his eyes.   
“You really think I notice any of that?” he scoffed.   
“Apparently not.”  
“Besides, you were obviously… upset or pissed or something about what happened and the Carl crap.” He muttered. I didn’t say anything, I had already informed the others that I was fine. “You good with that, by the way?”   
“I’m…good with it. I just. I don’t know. I forgot that other humans can be the bad guys. Just because we’ve been busy fighting the abnormal.” I admitted. And that was the truth. When I first saw the inmates, I figured that they would, at some point, become part of our group because what other option was there? I assumed that they weren’t that bad. Even though I knew I should be wary when Rick asked me to go out with them to clear the other block. But we didn’t know what they had done to get locked up in the prison. So why should I have been surprised that Tomas killed someone and tried to intimidate us?  
“Maybe you’re too nice.” He told me.   
I nodded, maybe he had a point. “I’ve been called worse.”   
“Oh yeah? What?”   
“Oh tons of stuff. Bitch, devil, motherfucker, psycho, annoying. Mostly from people from the hospitals but it still counts.” I thought of the people, mostly old people, who objected to my sticking a needle in them and taking their blood. “And then one time, my sister called me a misery elf.”  
“A misery elf?” he repeated and I nodded. “Which sister?”   
He had come to know a lot about my family and me in general. Our eight months gave us some time to get to know each other more and although I knew nowhere near as much about him, the little that he did tell me made me feel honoured. Any stories or anecdotes were more based around things that happened when he was at school or work or things to do with his friends more than anything about his family. In fact, I only knew a tiny amount about his family, and at that it was more about Merle, his brother, who of course I had known. He told me that he came home from school one day to find Merle had gotten arrested and soon got sent to juvie. I guess he was alone for a lot of his childhood.   
“Raina. She, uh, broke up with her boyfriend, well, she got dumped.” I told him. “And to get over it, she threw herself into being really involved with me and Sawyer. So for a whole week, she drove us to school and picked us up and dropped us off at other classes and we went for dinner together, the movies, the gym, the park. And I love her to bits but it was, like, too much. So the second Saturday, she wakes us up takes us to the zoo and when we come home, she insists we have a slumber party in the living room so we do it. But then I have a test during the week that I haven’t had time to study for, so I tell her that on the Sunday I’ll need to study and I’m going to go to bed and she’s a little annoyed but whatever. Sunday morning, she comes into my room at six in the morning, pulls the covers off of me and I just can’t take it. So we’re standing at the crack of dawn in my room and we’re screaming at each other. And she calls me a ‘misery elf’ before bursting into tears because she thought she had just been dumped by the love of her life.”   
Daryl laughed a little. “And was he? The love of her life?”  
I shook my head. “No. She met the real love of her life the next year.”  
Tommy was a lawyer at the law firm she interned at when she was studying. He was one of the nicest men I’d ever met and he became an almost permanent feature in our house.   
We sat silently, just staring at the walls of the Weird Common Room and into the cell block. With a sigh, I wrapped my arm around his and rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel him tense up under my hands but ease a little.   
He had really…relaxed with me over the months. It wasn’t quite at BFF status, but we were almost entirely comfortable in each other’s company. For instance, he never shook me off when I leant my head on his shoulder, he always pulled me away from danger like how he did with Tomas when he was killing Tiny, he listened to me but also talked nonsense about tracking methods in order to distract me from something I was bothered by. I was okay with loving him quietly. I was okay with that.   
Absentmindedly, I moved my fingers softly in the inside of his arm, feeling the smooth skin. We sat like that, quiet and still, for some time before I heard Daryl take in a breath and I knew he was going to speak.   
“You should go back to bed.” His voice was quiet, almost a whisper.   
I shook my head. “I just got up.”  
“I said go back.” He repeated. “I’ll keep an eye out here.”  
My body did still ache and I did love to sleep. Less tired I was, the less likely I was to sleep walk. So I relented and took my arms away from him, rubbing my eyes with my knuckles. “Night-ish. Don’t let me sleep too long.” I pushed myself off of the stairs and headed for the block, my feet slipped out of my shoes as I walked so I had to shuffle a little.   
“Love you, Evie.” Daryl said quickly as I left.   
“Yeah, you too.” I whispered back loud enough for him to hear me, but quietly enough so I didn’t disturb anyone.   
As stupid as it sounds, it took me until I got to the stairs to go up to my cell to realise what he had just said. He had never, ever said that to me. To anyone in the group actually. He loved being part of us group and loved us theoretically, I’m sure but he had never actually said it. In fact he never really voiced any kind of feelings.  
Did that mean something? Did it mean something that he said that to me? And was it him saying he loved me like he loved everyone else and this was him trying to come round to showing us that he cared about us?   
Or was it that he loved me?   
I froze before my foot hit the first step. I could feel feelings bubbling up in my stomach. Slowly, I turned around. He was out of view of me now, from where I was standing. I couldn’t see him so I couldn’t know how to react.   
How was I supposed to react?   
Swallowing hard, I could feel myself losing my breath as I took my steps forward back into the large, cool room. I was almost tip-toing, tense about what I was supposed to say to him. If I even had to say anything.   
I rounded the corner, apprehensively. My eyes fell on his standing figure to the side of the stairs. His hands were curled around the railing of the metal steps, almost holding him up as he stared at the ground. His broad shoulders were tense, his grip around the metal tight. He was freaking out.   
I swallowed again. It was like my body was producing an excess amount of stress saliva. “Uh…” I made my presence known but my throat kind of closed up a little and it came out as a croak.   
Daryl stood up straight and stared at me, his mouth open a little bit like he was really not enthusiastic about seeing me back.   
He said nothing. He was quieter than silent, it was like he was actually taking in any noise in the area. We just looked at each other, in slight confusion and embarrassment.   
“What….did you mean?” I questioned but as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew it was the wrong thing to say. He wasn’t one for expressing or explaining feelings. I could see the panic on his face, his eyes just boring into me, his jaw still slack. “Actually, you don’t like opened ended questions like that. I know that.” I corrected myself quickly. “Basically. Was that a general sentiment or was it directed…at me?”   
He looked away, stared at the windows that were in the top of the walls before clearing his throat. I almost felt bad for asking him, for making him tell me. But I had to know. “Directed.”   
“At me.” I finished the sentence for him. I had to at least help him get the sentences out. “Right.”   
I could have run away, part of me kind of wanted to. But I had felt these feelings about him for so many months and I didn’t really care if it didn’t work or if he pushed me away. I had never taken a chance with a relationship before. I had never been someone to make a move if I wasn’t entirely sure.   
But maybe he had told me that I should be entirely sure, in his weird Daryl way.   
So I didn’t run away. I ran towards him.   
Maybe not run. But a rushed walk.   
And I acted quickly so that I didn’t let my brain come into play. I curled my hand around the back of his neck and pressed my other hand against his chest. My thumb brushed against his bare skin at his collarbone where the top buttons were undone. I pressed my lips against his, pulling him down to me. His hands were up in a ‘whoah’ kind of manner, raised away from me.   
It had been so long since I had actually kissed someone that I was a little afraid that I had forgotten how to do it.   
It was only a few seconds. I could feel his stubbled hair against my top lip, his beard brushing against my chin. But he wasn’t even responding a little bit. His lips weren’t moving any more than his frozen hands. And suddenly I was hit with the horrible feeling that I had done something wrong.   
Oh god. I started to freak out and so pulled back, dropping down from my tip toes to stand normally. But he moved forward and caught my lips in his again. I was almost stunned when his mouth opened a little bit and he let me kiss him properly. His hair was long at the back on his head, it grazed his neck and I wound my fingers in the strands, pulling him close.   
His hands were, thankfully, no longer frozen in the air but they were still hovering. I felt his fingers brush against my top and I nodded a little, letting him know that it was okay for him to place his hand on my waist. That was progress.   
It was a few seconds longer until he wrapped the other arm around me, keeping me close to his body. His lips were warm against mine and more enthusiastic as the seconds ticked by. I felt more and more comfortable, more and more confident. And apparently he did too.   
He pushed me back a half step and against the stair railing, his hands moving up my body and into my hair, grasping at me.   
Oh god, I loved him. I knew that completely as he separated his lips from mine and kissed my neck. Daryl swept my long hair back, trailing his fingers down the back of my neck. I breathed heavily, loudly. He could hear me, I could tell from the upturn of his lips against my skin like he was revelling in making me happy. I mumbled his name out as he came back to my lips.   
I ran my hand up his arm, squeezing my fingers against his muscles, dusting my fingertips over his shoulder and up to the side of his neck.   
“Shit.” He whispered in a half second of separation. I tried to laugh but he cut me off with another kiss. I moved my hands between us and pulled at the button at the bottom of his shirt. After I got two opened, he pulled back and looked at me in confusion, his hands still on me. “What are you doing?”   
I frowned and looked at him. And again that embarrassment came back. Could he not guess from the kissing and the unbuttoning where my thoughts were? “I was going to- do you not want- what do you want?”   
“Right here?” He looked around the room. Honestly, he had a point. The only surface was the concrete floor and I wasn’t that trashy. Well, I was but I wanted to keep up the pretence that I wasn’t.   
“Well. I didn’t realise the Redneck was above doing it on the floor.” I squeezed his arm in jest and he took it that way, thankfully. He leant down and kissed me again, an amazing, eye-roll-to-the-back-of-the-head kiss. So I separated myself from him and took his wrist, pulling him with me through the cell block, past all our sleeping friends and out the door to the other corridor.   
I went into the first cell, the one that was clean with only the newspaper, and stood in the middle of the dinky room. I saw his eyes look around the room for a few seconds before looking back at me. It was a few seconds again until he closed the gap and kissed me again. That quick minute or so that we were separated, my lips had felt cold at the lack of touch.   
Daryl’s strong arms entangled around my waist, pulling me off my feet. I hooked my legs onto his hips as he took a step sideways, ducked to avoid the top bunk and leant over the bed. My back pressed against the mattress. One loose spring dug into my spine but I ignored it in favour of paying attention to Daryl. I kept him so close to me, flush against my body as we kissed. His hands slid beneath my loose top and found my warm skin. His large palms pressed against my hips, pulling them up, tilting them closer to his body.   
My fingers worked quickly and unbuttoned his shirt. The palms of my hands ran up his body, over the muscles on his chest and down to the smooth skin on his stomach and hooked my fingers in the waistband of his jeans. His hands were already tugging down my jeans, his fingers curled around the material at my thighs and pulled at them, all the while still kissing me. Hard. Amazingly.   
I kicked off my jeans once he had pushed them down to my knees. His hands now had access to the tattooed skin of my thighs. He hadn’t seen some of my tattoos such as those that coloured my legs but I wasn’t giving him the time to examine them at that moment.   
His mouth felt so good against my skin, I could barely breathe as I pulled at his belt buckle. It was one of those things were we were so desperate to be close to each other that we were doing everything too fast, too hard, too much in an effort to keep ourselves together.  
I skirted my fingers across his broad shoulders, where I knew a tattoo of a scary demon was drawn, before pushing his shirt open. His skin was hot to touch as I moved my hands across the muscles, over his shoulder blades. I gasped and tried to look down to his back when I felt them. I knew what scars felt like. I could feel the healed over gashes on his skin that felt similar to what I assumed were a result of lashings. My heart was already beating fast just from being near him but it jumped up a little when I felt those.   
Although his mouth stayed attached to my skin, I could feel the tension in the muscles in his back as he pulled his hand away from my thigh and onto my hand, moving it away from those lesions and up to the back of his head. He didn’t want me touching him there. He wanted hands-in-the-hair passion, not curiosity into the backstory of scars.   
So I did that, it only took me a few seconds to forget about it when he let me push down his jeans. I rolled against him, kissing him, holding him tight.   
It was over as quickly as it begun. We were, of course, adults starved of affection for almost a year. But it was some of the best moments I had experienced in a long, long time.   
My chest rose and fell quickly, heavily. Daryl’s head rested on my body, his lips against my shoulder. His hair was soft as I twisted his longer strands in my fingers. My whole body felt like it was buzzing, like every nerve was shaking as we lay there together, breathing hard. His stomach stuck to mine, our skin clammy from sweat. I felt so at peace, so satisfied, I guess.   
I could feel his hand by my side, his thumb smoothed over my hip. And it was bliss. For a few minutes. And then he moved away from me. His lips separated from my shoulder as he moved out of the grip of my legs.   
Confused, I propped myself up on my elbows and stared as he stood up, facing away from me and sorted himself, pulling up his jeans.   
I reached down and grabbed my underwear that was thrown on the floor. “Are you okay?” I asked, pulling them on, keeping my eyes on him.   
“Fine.” His voice was gruff as he pulled up the zipper of his jeans. I heard his belt buckle jangle as he did it back up.   
The hairs on the back of my neck spiked as I felt a mixture of rejection and anger. “You don’t sound fine.” I stood. The coldness of the floor against my feet almost forced me back onto the bed. He just shrugged. What was this? “Hey.” I pushed his back, making him turn to face me. “What is going on? Why are you being weird?”   
“M’not.” He muttered and started on the buttons on his shirt. He wouldn’t even look at me as I stared at him, trying to search for a reason for him to suddenly run so cold on me. When I couldn’t see strings of a puppet master, I let my anger take over and push my rejection feelings out of the way.   
“Hey. You don’t get to fuck me and then turn your back on me. You are not getting to do this, it’s not going to happen. What the hell?” I demanded him to give me answers.   
“Hey!” he snapped at me. He hadn’t directed his anger at me like this in a long time, in fact not since the farm so it kind of shocked me. “You don’t get to order me to do anything. You’re not my wife. You said nothing and then just jumped me.”   
His voice was getting loud and I began to panic that he would wake up the others. I pushed the door to an almost close before rounding back on him. “I said nothing? What are you even talking about? Are you honestly mad at me for something?” Again, he just glared at me. “It’s convenient that you become aware of your annoyance the second after you get off.”  
“I-I told you.” He almost stumbled on his words angrily. “And you said nothing.”   
He kept saying this but I still didn’t know what in the hell he was talking about so I kept staring in confusion until it dawned on me. He told me he loved me and I didn’t say anything back. I just kissed him and assumed he figured out my sentiments from that.   
“I just had sex with you, can you not gather my feelings from that?” I gestured wildly to the bed. His expression was blank, and then confused, and then flushed. “Like, what do you think that was?”   
His hand went to the back of his head, scratching his neck, not quite looking at me as he shrugged.   
Part of me wanted him to suffer for what he had just pulled but who had the time? I didn’t want to punish him, I didn’t want to be uncomfortable with him. I wanted to just be with him. I wanted to just be happy in this shitty, shitty world.   
So I took a few steps towards him. “I just don’t think I had to say how I feel all the time. You know me, you can guess. And when I kiss you after you kind of let me know that you love me,” He winced a little as I said the words. Honestly, I doubted it was a natural thing for him to say or to hear. “I assume that you know that I feel similar.”   
Finally, he looked at me again, properly, and gave me that half smile that I loved so much. My hands went to the checked material of his shirt and pulled him towards me. I leaned up to him and brushed my nose against his. “Alright?”  
Daryl kissed the corner of my lips. “Alright.”   
And like that I was happy again. I wasn’t angry. I didn’t feel rejected. I wasn’t even a tiny bit miffed. I was obsessed.   
I hung my hands on his shoulders and pushed him over to the bed, kissing his neck. I grazed my teeth along his skin, feeling every line and crease and mark of his skin against my tongue. He sat down on the bed, grabbed at my bare my thighs and worked his rough fingertips to the line of my underwear. Unprompted, he dipped his head and started to kiss my thighs, his lips traced the tattoo of the stag on my skin. The stag faced towards the inside of my thighs, the antlers reached up to the top of my leg. It was a very well done tattoo but I had never loved it as much as the second Daryl started to kiss it.   
As he went to pull down the waistband of my incredibly unsexy black boy shorts that classed as underwear, I unlatched his mouth from my body and pushed him onto his back. I climbed on top of him, my knees settled on either side of his waist.  
Kissing him was the only thing I wanted to do now. I didn’t want to kill Walkers. I didn’t want to run away from danger. I didn’t want to have to stitch up amputated legs. I didn’t want to dispose of bodies. I wanted just him and I. Nothing more and absolutely nothing less.   
The romantic thoughts and love focussed mind were swatted from my mind as I felt Daryl’s hands on my butt. He massaged and squeezed as we kissed, I could barely pry his hands away from my flesh. I moved my hands to unhook the supportive but yet again unsexy bra that was under my top. I sat up quickly but misjudged my height and instead of taking off my bra, I smacked my head, hard, on the metal of the top bunk.   
“Motherf-” I clutched at the back of my head as it throbbed. “Ow. Ow.”   
He leant up, dropping his hands away from my body and watched my reaction. “Are you bleeding?”   
I took my hands away and looked at my fingertips. “No, I’m good.” I laughed softly. “That’s the last time I try to be cute.”   
He smiled up at me and settled back, tucking an arm behind his head.  
“Jesus, that really hurt. I think I’m out of the game for a bit.” I tapped at the bump, trying to put off the aching pain.   
“I can wait.” This time he traced my tattoo with his fingers and not his tongue. His fingers were rough against my smoother skin. I looked at his face, his swollen lips and slightly glazed eyes. I leant back, straddling his body comfortably before leaning down and lying the top of my body against his. My eyes felt heavy once I had lay down against him. I could have slept.   
“Evie.” He spoke softly, his voice reverberating in his chest.   
“Mm?”   
“We didn’t use nothing.” I could feel him swallow.   
Eurgh. We had to talk. I didn’t want to talk, I want to lie there with him in the weird solitary confinement cell in a prison in Georgia.   
Reluctantly, I sat up and lay my hands on his stomach. He watched me through hooded eyes but said nothing. Leaving it up to me to continue the subject.   
“Well…unless you are riddled with some really undelightful diseases, I think we’re going to be okay.” I shrugged, hoping that that would be the end of our conversation but he just kept staring at me. “Ohhhh, you’re talking about that other unpleasant side effect of the fun stuff we’re enjoying.” Again, he said nothing more and I knew that I was going to have to divulge that amazing little tidbit I had been holding back for no good reason. “You don’t have to worry, Daryl. I won’t be making you a dad anytime soon.”   
“You got an implant or somethin’?” he questioned.   
Oh, I wished. “I can’t have kids.” I shook my head. It always kind of stung when I said it, always gave me a little jab in the heart but I had dealt with it for so long it never upset me anymore. “I was sick when I was younger. Fifteen actually. I missed a period, thought I was the new Virgin Mary but turns out it was cancer.”  
I saw the change in expression on his face, his lips parted. It wasn’t something you heard everyday so I understood his reaction. And I wasn’t hiding it, I had just never mentioned it.  
“I had treatment so they took out my eggs and froze them but treatment didn’t work and I had to get my uterus removed.” I stated the facts of it very quickly. It was tough to be told that I was never gonna be pregnant, but it was years ago and I had come to terms with it. There was a tiny bit of an upset again when the Outbreak occurred when I realised my eggs were lost but I got over it because we were being chased by the undead. “So my eggs are abandoned in some switched off freezer in Scotland, very, very far away from my reach.”  
“You can’t have kids?” he repeated. I was fairly sure that I had stated that at the very start of our brief mentioning of the conversation.   
I took his hand in mine and pulled up the hem of my top. I ran his fingertip over my scar that ran from the inside of one hip to the other. It wasn’t overly noticeable but I obviously knew it was there and the scar was always a little abnormally raised.   
“I didn’t see it before.” He croaked at me.   
I shrugged and pulled my top back down. “It’s no big deal. I was young, I dealt with it then.”   
“So.” He huffed out a sigh.   
“So no worries. No condoms needed.” I patted his chest. He pulled my arms, making me lie back down on top of him, his arms encircled me tightly. “Don’t you feel sorry for me, Daryl Dixon.”  
He snorted a laugh. “Wouldn’t dare.”   
I smiled and tucked my head into his neck. I was really starting to feel sleepy again. “I’m going to fall asleep.” I whispered.   
“Go back to bed.” His hand rubbed my back. That was only going to make me sleepier.   
“Seriously, I’m going to end up asleep right here.”   
“Then go.”   
I groaned a little because I really didn’t want to leave but I clambered off of him and reached for my jeans. I yanked them on as he stared at me. “You good to keep an eye on things until the others get up?”   
He nodded and sat up, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand like a big kid.   
Although, I thought, there was a chance that something had gone wrong in the time we had filed ourselves away in that cell. And of course, there was also a chance that someone else was already up. And then that triggered off another thought process. Were we supposed to tell the others?   
Inwardly, I settled on no. But I opened my mouth to broach the subject with him anyway. “So we keep this private, right?”   
He stood up from the bed and stretched his arms out. “Why? You ashamed of me?”   
I raised my eyebrows at him before realising he was kidding. “Yeah. Who would approve of the doctor and the Redneck?”   
“Not me.”   
“Me neither.” I went for the door and opened it quietly. I think that was his agreement with my thoughts of privacy. That’s what I was taking it as anyway. Besides, it would probably throw in some kind of fun as we got to sneak around a little.   
We left the cell and went through the doorway into the block. There was nobody walking around in plain view and there was still snoring coming from the cells.   
“Don’t let me sleep too long.” I whispered, taking a step onto the stairs. Daryl nodded and went to go to sit in the big room. I grabbed his arm before he could go too far. “Hey, you have to kiss me now.”   
He rolled his eyes and leaned up, kissing me softly. “Bye.”   
“Bye.” I crept up the stairs and slipped into my cell. After such sustained contact with Daryl, I felt cold now so I pulled the measly blanket over my arms and tucked myself in the bed.   
It was past five now and the others were going to be waking up soon. But I wasn’t. I was going to curl up in my bed and replay the last hour over and over and over again.


	14. Breach

“You got a lot of tattoos.”   
I took in a breath and gripped Daryl’s waist tighter. “Yeah.”   
It had been a few days since we had gotten together. And it wasn’t too painful to keep it quiet. It was fun, actually, the sneaking about. Every night, one of us volunteered to take watch at some point during the darkness and after the others had fallen asleep, we would slip into the cell.  
There was no danger to us in the cell block, not really. There was nothing that would get past the entrances we blocked off at night and we had even set the empty tin cans on strings to warn us of anyone coming. So we didn’t feel bad when we slacked off from keeping an eye out.   
It felt so great, having someone. I mean, I had been talking to him when I needed someone for months, but now it was something more, something special and private.   
So we were lying in the solitary cell, both half naked, both very satisfied, both happy. I hoped.   
“A lot of tattoos.” He repeated, emphasising on the ‘lot’. “How many?”  
I smiled and turned into his body a little more. He was lying on his back, his arm wrapped around me with his fingers pulling softly at strands of my long hair. I needed to cut it soon. “I don’t know exactly. There are some tiny ones and ones that have been added to bigger ones.”  
“Your first one?”  
“The paper plane on my ankle.”   
“Your last one?”   
“The Georgia peaches on my hip.”   
“The sorest one?”   
“The phoenix.”  
“The one your parents hated?”   
“None of them actually.”   
“Your favourite one?”   
“The swans or the cameo.”   
It seemed he was out of questions then. He huffed a sigh and my hand moved up and down on his stomach. I rolled from my side to my stomach, moving his arm from around me. His other arm was tucked, as always, under his head, showing his own tattoo of a gargoyle demon thing in the inside of his bicep. He had two tattoos on his back but I hadn’t really gotten a chance to see them as he never let me see his back, not really. He would unbutton his shirts, but never really take them fully off. Or he would take them off without letting me see his back. And although, at times, he let my hands slide down his bare back, he flinched whenever I skimmed across the scarred skin. He never brought them up and the one time I went to broach the subject, he cut me off with a kiss and didn’t let me talk about it. Which I understood.  
I pressed my fingertips to his and watched as his hand copied my movements. His eyes stayed on my face, I could feel them watching me. We hadn’t said ‘love’ since the first night but we knew how we both felt. It wasn’t something I had to say over and over again.   
“I think Hershel’s going to try to walk today.” I told him, still watching our hands.   
“He gonna do it alright?”   
I nodded. “He’s tough. And stubborn. And bored. So he’ll do it. And do it well, I bet.”   
“I think Rick said something about clearing the rest of the yards and bringing in the cars.”  
“We already brought in the cars.” I frowned, looking up at him.  
“We brought them up to the yard we slept in, we’re gonna bring them right up to the entrances.” He clarified.   
“I see.” I flopped my head over and rested my cheek against his body. I could hear his heart beating. Healthy. “We should get up.” I whispered. “It’s almost six. Rick will be up in a few minutes.”  
“We’ve got fifteen.” He replied quietly, pursing his lips.   
“How’d you know?”   
“I saw him reset his alarm. He’s been pushing it back five minutes every day.” He caught my moving fingers and squeezed my hand.   
“You better be right.” I warned him.   
A small smile formed on his lips. “I’ll make it up to you if I’m wrong.”  
I grinned and pushed myself up, cupped his chin and kissed him. “Yeah, you better.”   
We lay for a few minutes longer before I pulled myself away from him and reached for my jeans. I had to jump to pull them up properly. Daryl still wasn’t moving, just watching me.   
“Get up.” I scooped up his clothes and threw them on top of him. He was still alive despite his motionless being, his forearm covering his forehead, he was staring up at the top of the bunk. I could see the dirt staining his muscles. Pre-apocalypse, I would have killed a man for being so filthy and trying to seduce me. But I loved him for it, it made me feel even more attracted him. Every time we had snuck kisses, every time he had grabbed me and pulled me into a hidden spot and insisted on feeling my skin against his, I felt more wanted, needed, desired. I could hardly bare to leave him. “I’m going to bed. Goodbye.”   
I could hear him laughing at me as I left the cell and snuck upstairs to my bed.   
At breakfast, we scoffed up our oatmeal like we did every day. I always caught Daryl watching me, glancing over at me even whilst he spoke with other people. After a few times of catching him, I stuck out my tongue, eliciting a tiny smirk and head shake from him.   
“Anyone know where Maggie and Glenn are?” T-Dog asked the table. Beth was in Hershel’s cell giving him some breakfast and everyone else except the aforementioned couple were out at breakfast.   
“I don’t know.” I scooped up another spoonful. “They were in their cell when I got up.”   
“Got up when?” T-Dog frowned, looking at me from the opposite side of the table. “You woke up after us.”   
And then I realised that it was when I got up with Daryl in the night which nobody knew about. I pursed my lips. “Just last night. Sleepwalking.” I thanked myself for my sleep disorder saving me in that minute.   
“But you’re barely conscious when you sleepwalk.” T-Dog pointed out.   
Damn.   
Daryl was hunched over in his seat, spooning the breakfast in quickly.   
“Well…I slipped on the bottom step and woke myself up.” I lied. “Then I saw everyone was in their cell and then went back to bed.”   
“Why did-”  
“T!” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that exciting a story. But the basis of it is; they were in bed last night. I don’t know where they are now. They’re probably having some alone time.”  
There was a little bit of a squint from him before he shrugged and started on something else. My shoulders sunk when I realised I was safe. It wasn’t that I didn’t want anyone to know about Daryl and I. I cared deeply about him and I intended to spend a lot of time with him but I wanted it to be just ours. I didn’t want it to be subject to everyone else’s opinions and views. I wanted it protected. Because I knew us both well enough to know that there was possibility enough that we would screw it up ourselves.   
They left soon afterwards; Daryl, Rick, Carol and T-Dog. In an attempt to make our living environment a little nicer they were going to entirely clear the yards of the dead bodies which was nice.   
My job was to try and get Hershel up and about. It was more his job than mine really. And he did it well.  
After Beth’s initial worry about him going too fast, we helped him up onto the crutches we had found in the infirmary. We formed a square around him, offering support from all sides but he managed to hobble independently. It took us a few breath intake breaks to get outside into the yard but he made it.   
Carl kept checking back to make sure we were all there as we walked. Lori pushed open the door for the older man to shuffle out. It was a lovely day for a recovery walk. The sun was out, there a cool breeze keeping the temperature down. I could have been in a park instead of a prison.   
I could see the rest of them, all doing different tasks. They had found Maggie and Glenn apparently. I gave a high pitched whistle to get their attention and they all turned up to see Hershel taking his steps. Maggie was closer to us, standing with T-Dog and Carol just after they backed up one of the cars to the gates. I could see the smiles on all our faces. Maggie was close to tears at the sight of her father walking again. He was alive.   
It was just a few seconds of triumph as we faced each other. I could see a tiny moment between Rick and Lori. They were smiling at each other, coyly as if they were newly dating and Lori was rubbing her belly, like she was reminding Rick of their baby. And for a second, it was safe.   
But like anytime we felt safe, danger was lurking.   
The snarls came first. Carl and I heard them simultaneously. I turned round to see, expecting one or two, but there were a lot more.   
Panic spread amongst us, I heard Rick yelling from down the field.   
“Beth, get your dad!” I yelled at her, advancing forward with my knife, knocking out the nearest Walker. We couldn’t pick them all off; not me with a child, a pregnant woman, a one legged veterinarian and a teenager. Lori and Carl were my priorities.   
If we got separated, it could be dangerous. If she went into labour without Carol, Hershel or myself, it would lethal for her and the baby. The Greene girls had basic skills but not those needed to safely deliver a baby and ensure Lori’s health.   
The shots were loud because they were so close. Carol and T-Dog fended some off as Maggie weaved up to where we were.   
“Get my dad!” Maggie yelled over at me in panic. I asked for her to get Lori over to us in a similar terrified tone as I ran for Hershel. I supported him as he hobbled up the few steps into one of the boxed off fence area. I yanked the gate shut, stabbing Walker’s through the holes in the fences. I watched tensely as Maggie led the two Grimes into C block before turning my attention to Carol and T. By the time I spotted the two of them, T-Dog was bleeding.   
My breath was knocked out of me. He was bit.   
We were gonna lose someone else.   
Selfishly, I thanked that it wasn’t me. I always did whenever someone got bit or someone died.   
It took a few moments, but eventually the guys came up to the yard. They cleared the place before picking over the bodies to get over to us. I pushed open the gate to get out.   
“Where’s Lori?” Rick demanded.   
Hershel answered quickly, trying to show control of the situation. But we never had control of the situations. Not really.   
“I think T’s bit.” Beth locked her fingers in the hole of the fence.   
“Shit!” Rick exclaimed. He went to say something more but was cut off by a blaring alarm. It screeched through the area. Initially, I smacked my hands over my ears but the noise didn’t stop. They guys shot at the speakers that were facing towards us in the yard but the alarm was radiating through the whole prison.   
Rick began to freak out even more and lunged for Oscar, who had been released with Axel from their holding down the yard. Oscar insisted that it must be the backup generator, that he could maybe switch it off with his couple of days experience there.   
“Well, we gotta go.” I went to take the steps.   
“Stay here, Evie.” Daryl dismissed me quickly.   
“You gotta stay in case they come out. Watch over Hershel.” Rick said, loading his gun up with bullets, not even looking at me.   
I frowned, screwing up my eyebrows in confusion. The more of us there were, the more likely we were to get to the generator. And quicker. This alarm was like a beacon for every Walker in a mile radius. “But I can-”  
And then Daryl rounded on me, just as they were heading to run into the C Block. “Jesus, Evie, do as you’re told for once!”   
I stepped back, shocked as he and the other men stalked off towards the cell block. My mouth was literally hanging open as I stared at their retreating figures.   
‘Do as you’re told?’ As I was told?   
Maybe it was selfish of me to focus on myself in the midst of an emergency situation, but he did not get to tell me what to do. It wasn’t a thing I encouraged or stood for.   
Stung, I retreated back to the two Greenes and took the two steps.   
“Do you think they’ll be okay? Do you think Maggie’s okay?” Beth rambled. I could practically hear her heart beating from where I stood. She was a worrier, no doubt about that.   
“They’ll be okay.” I lowered myself to the stone step.   
We stayed sitting there for a while, waiting for someone to come out. But nobody did. The alarm went off. The silence was ringing in my ears. I hadn’t realised the alarm was as loud as it was. I had gotten used to it in minutes.   
With the silence, we expected them to come out. As the time ticked by without them, I forced myself to control my breathing in lieu of panic. And then they emerged.   
“Have you seen them?” Rick yelled, running to us from the exit. I counted them as they appeared. Rick, Glenn, Axel, Oscar and then, thankfully, Daryl. I let out a breath once he appeared.   
“Nobody’s come out.” Hershel hobbled to the top step. “What about the others? T-Dog and Carol?”   
Daryl looked at the ground for a second, sticking the toe of his boot into the ground. “Didn’t make it.”   
No.   
Not Carol.   
I clenched at my jaw. I could feel pin pricks in the back of my eyes that I had to blink away. I pulled at my hair, trying to sweep it from my face but mostly to keep me calm.   
“That doesn’t mean the others haven’t.” Rick insisted, even though none of us had said it did. “We have to go back in there and we-”  
His words were cut off by the sounds of a baby’s wails.   
My stomach clenched as I stood up and we stared over to where the noise was coming from. Maggie stumbled, her feet heavy as she walked towards us. A bundle, wrapped in Carl’s jacket, was clutched tightly against her chest. She pushed open the metal gate and came into the yard. Carl came into view, just behind her.   
Lori’s baby.   
It was Lori’s baby and Lori wasn’t there.  
She wasn’t there. She wasn’t here anymore. She wasn’t alive.   
Rick dropped the axe with a clang and his feet took him over to the three of them. Even from where I was standing, I could see Maggie’s lip shuddering and hear her short sobs.   
“Where is she?” Rick begged, but Maggie grabbed his arm and pleaded with him not to go any further.   
Carl was frozen, tears tripping down his wet face. He was just staring at the ground, he couldn’t look at his father when Rick approached him. And then the dad broke down.   
Rick crumpled and fell to the ground like he had been shot. I could hear his wails. “No, no, no.” he cried. His hands dug into the tarmac hard enough to draw blood.   
The shock hit me as I watched the family breakdown. Lori was gone. She was dead. I had spoken to her not an hour before and yet she was gone. I hated this. I hated this. It happened time after time, every time someone died, I felt the shock and I could never understand how I could be with someone and then have them die the same day. I didn’t think I was ever going to understand that.   
I couldn’t breathe properly. I pressed my hand to my mouth, trying to pull in some air to my lungs. I clung to the wired fencing, wrapping my fingers in the metal to steady myself.   
The baby was still crying, still wailing. It was covered in blood, still uncleaned from its birth. Maggie’s arms were stained red up to her elbows and I could see what must have happened. Either really, really bad natural birth or Maggie had to perform a c-section. Either way, I could understand why she was shaking so badly, why she was crying so much.   
“Please, please, take her.” Maggie begged, her jaw shaking in her sobs.   
It took me a few seconds to wake up but my feet took me over eventually. I put my hands out and Maggie placed the baby in my arms. I hadn’t held a child in so long. Since I left home, actually. I had cousins, lots of them, mostly all younger that I had been around whilst they were babies and I was used to them. But I felt an immense amount of responsibility for this one as they lay crying in my arms.   
“It’s a girl.” Maggie blubbed. “Is she okay?” her hand wiped roughly at her face as I shuffled the baby in my arms so I could see her properly. I looked past her screaming and pressed my fingers to her chest, feeling her heartbeat. There was no signs of a fever. Her cheeks were pink and she was wriggly. And on top of that, she was squirmy. She was big, sturdy, strong. She was healthy.   
Lori had done well.   
Daryl was waving his hands in front of Rick, trying to get his attention, but his eyes were glazed, not even reacting to it.   
“She seems fine. Healthy.” I sniffed. I was crying. I could feel my cheeks wet. The tears were a mixture of grief and sorrow at losing Lori and joy and relief at the baby’s birth. “But she needs food, formula. There’s nothing I can do if we don’t have any milk.”   
“Hell, no.” Daryl pulled his bow over his head to free up his hands. “Not her. Not lettin’ anyone else die. I’m goin’ on a run.”   
“I’ll go with.” Maggie sniffed hard, wiping at her cheeks again.   
“Me too.” Glenn said.   
Daryl commanded Axel and Oscar to clear the gate to stop the Walkers from piling up and crowding one area and then pulled Beth to one side, muttering something to her.  
I bounced a little to soothe the baby, but without milk, there was never going to be much progress with that. Carl was still staring at the ground, still silent in his crying. He had just lost his mother. He had just saw her die. And it broke my heart.   
I reached an arm out and tugged at his shoulder. He was tough to the point of statue still but then relented and fell into my. He buried his face in my side, crying into my t-shirt. He shook, convulsing in sobs. I stroked at his hair, trying to comfort him but I knew there was no amount of hair-stroking that would help him at that moment.   
Daryl stepped towards me, staring down at the baby in my arms. “You gonna be okay?”  
I nodded. I was scared but I wasn’t going to worry him even more.   
“Look after the kid.” He spoke softly, his hooded eyes glancing up to meet mine.   
“Yeah.” I whispered.   
There was a slight hesitation from him but then he kissed me, quickly and softly. Instantly, it made me feel better. He didn’t, I didn’t, care that the others could see. But I knew that the fact that he did it meant that he was scared. He would never have given up our privacy if he wasn’t scared of what we were going to have to face.   
I could feel Beth and Hershel looking at me as Daryl, Maggie and Glenn stalked off down the yard to the cars. But we were in no position to chat at the minute.   
“Come on. Let’s go inside.” I huffed a sigh and squeezed Carl’s shoulder. He still leaned against me, but came inside. Hershel hobbled behind us with Beth.  
Everything had changed.


	15. The Baby

Our cell block was clear. Untouched from our invasion but the effects of it changed everything. We sat ourselves in the Weird Common Room. I didn’t know how to act in the cells. Where we supposed to clear Lori’s cell? Move someone into Carol’s bed? Get rid of T-Dog’s things?   
“Beth, can you get the kit, please?” I asked her. “I’m gonna grab the baby some clothes and check her over. Hold her for now?” I asked Carl after he unfurled his hands from my top.   
He nodded and took his baby sister into his arms. He seemed comfortable with her as I dashed through to the cells and up the steps.   
Lori, in fact, everyone had been collecting things for the baby. Clothes, diapers, bottles, blankets. Stupidly not formula. I guess we just hoped that Lori would be here and we wouldn’t need the formula. Should have thought ahead.   
It hurt a little. In fact, it hurt a lot to go into the cell Lori and Carol had been sleeping in. I ground at my teeth and forced myself to go inside. It was horrible having to go through Lori’s bag and fish out the clothes we had stored in there for the baby. I could smell Carol’s hair product that she had picked up months before and made last. Everything in there was a constant reminder of them. And of their deaths.   
I had to leave. I escaped with the blanket, cloth diaper and the sleeveless, legless all-in-one. I knew that if I stayed in their cell I would cry again. And my face was still wet from crying before.   
Carl was cradling the baby tightly. She wasn’t crying anymore. Maybe it was a sibling thing.   
“Honey, I’m gonna check her over. Think you could grab me some water? We’ll see if we can get a little water in your baby sister.” I laid the blanket out on the table and reached for the little one. Carl went for the water as I laid his sister on the blanket. She started to wail again. “I know. I know, I’m sorry, little one.” I cooed at her, opening up the bag Beth had left on the table.   
Noise came from behind us and we all spun, hands on weapons, to see only Glenn.   
“They’re taking the bike.” He explained in a sentence.   
The others busied themselves with clearing the place whilst I checked over the baby. She was pretty perfect. Her muscles, her bones, her breathing, her movements, her eyes, her nose, her mouth, right down to her ten tiny little toes and ten tiny little fingers.  
Happy with how she was, despite her hungry whimpering, I scooped her up, wrapped in the blanket and held her close. “Come on, baby. They’ll be here soon.” I rocked her, pressing my lips to her forehead.   
Carl brought over the small beaker of water and I swapped the baby for the water with him. I wiped my hands with an anti-sceptic and scooped up a drip of the water onto my fingertip. She suckled the liquid off my finger and I continued to do that.   
“Are you supposed to give water to newborn?” Hershel questioned, looking over my shoulder at the scene.   
I breathed out a smile as I dropped the water into her mouth. “If she’s breastfed then no. But if she’s gonna be on formula, water from time to time should be okay. And just now, it’s the only thing we’ve got until they come back.”   
I got what I guessed to be equal to an adult’s mouthful into her before stopping. Any more than that would maybe not be great.   
Carl cuddled her, holding her like a natural as I perched on the stair, folding up the jacket the baby had been wrapped in and laying it on my knee. I thought about everything that was happening, that had happened. It was crazy. Death was always at our door.   
Carl offered the baby up to Beth and she jiggled the kid in an attempt to comfort. Always an emphasis on the ‘attempt’.   
“You wanna go lie down?” I asked Carl, eager for him to sleep. From experience I knew that sobbing over loss was exhausting.   
He shook his head and sat on the step one below me. I put my hand on his shoulder and smoothed over his hair after knocking off his hat. He lay his head on the jacket on my knee.   
“It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. We’re gonna figure this out.” I whispered. It took a few minutes but according to what Beth mouthed to me, he was asleep.   
I ran a hand over my face tiredly and rubbed at my eyes. Lori was dead. I thought back to the days before when she freaked out about losing the baby. She asked us to look after her children. And Carol was dead so that left me, Beth and Maggie as the only women in Carl’s life. How were we supposed to be mother figures if we were still in need of our own? Rick had ditched us in his grief so we were literally the only people the two kids had at that moment. It was a lot of pressure.   
I felt like I was watching each minute tick past on my watch as we waited for the others to come back. Glenn had gotten some help from Axel and Oscar to dig some graves, even though we didn’t have the bodies. Hershel had gone out to talk to him, which led Glenn going into the tombs to find Rick but apparently it didn’t work out that well.   
Glenn whispered to me that Rick had lunged for him when he tried to guide the grieving husband back upstairs.   
“We give him today, hope he doesn’t get himself killed and then tomorrow, we drag him up here.” I shrugged.   
“We’re just gonna leave him there?”   
“For today.” I repeated. “He lost his wife. And knowing Rick, he feels responsible. Everyone needs time to grieve. God knows I got my time, he needs his.”   
Glenn sighed in acceptance and propped his foot up on the first step. “How are they?”   
By ‘they’ he meant the Grimes children.   
“Baby’s pretty healthy. Got a good pair of lungs on her anyway.” I smiled softly, looking over at Beth who had obviously tuned out the crying. “Carl’s okay I think, considering.”   
He nodded, looking down at a heavily sleeping Carl. A small, out of place smirk formed on his lips and he ran a hand through his dark hair. “So. Daryl?”   
I dropped my eyelids closed and inwardly rolled them. “Don’t.”  
“Don’t what?” he shrugged, still with the smirk.   
“Don’t bring this up right now, because I can’t run away.” I gestured to the sleeping child. “And I don’t want to talk about it just this minute.”   
He nodded, understandingly, and bit the inside of his cheek, pouting a bit. “So how long?”   
I groaned and dropped back a little onto my elbow. “Have you suffered a blow to the head?”   
“Several, actually, but you haven’t answered my question.” Glenn pointed out.   
“I don’t want to talk about it.”  
“Why have you kept it a secret?”   
“Because you’re annoying.” I rolled my eyes. “And because I know that Daryl is the most talkative human on earth and I know that he would love to tell you everything over milk and cookies later on tonight.”   
He scoffed a little and we started to laugh just at the notion. And then, as always, came the guilt. We both slower our laughs to a stop and watched each other.   
“I- I never know if it’s okay. To laugh, I mean. Or even smile after something happens.” Glenn admitted.  
It was good to know someone felt and thought the same things as I did. “I know. I felt numb as anything after Lianne died, and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to laugh again. So when I did, it was with T when he fell down the ditch at the side of the road. And he was so happy that I was laughing. So I guess it’s okay to laugh. But it’s also okay to feel bad about it.” I shrugged.   
He smiled but sighed at the same time, wringing his hand around the railing of the staircase. I could see from his expression how wrecked he was. Just as much as the rest of us, really.   
“You worried about Mags?” I raised my eyebrows in question.   
The corners of his lips quirked a tiny bit. “You worried about Daryl?”  
I felt like groaning. “Go away.”   
I stared at him until he retreated. After a quick chat with both Hershel and Beth, he headed outside to watch and open the gate for when Maggie and Daryl came back.   
It wasn’t until hours later, right into darkness, that Maggie and Daryl returned. The rev of the motorbike engine was like music to my ears. Minutes later, they burst in.   
“You get it?” I stood up. Carl, who had slept for a solid hour, had woken up feeling a miniscule amount better and had been glued to his sister pretty much since. I was all for that. I’d rather she bonded with him than with anyone else.   
Maggie nodded and tipped her bag upside down, emptying the couple of canisters of formula onto the table. Quickly, I caught the bottle Beth tossed to me and shook up the milk in the bottle. When I turned around, Daryl was holding her.   
I almost did a double take in surprise of him holding this tiny baby. He reached out for the bottle and I passed it to him, my heart skipping a little at the sight. I guess everyone had an instinct when it came to kids.   
The baby suckled instantly at the milk that Daryl offered her. “She got a name yet?” he asked Carl.   
Carl stuttered a little bit. “I was thinking…Sophia. Or there’s Carol…” he started to rhyme off the names of every woman we had lost before lastly saying his mother’s name.  
It was up to Rick and Carl of course, but I really hoped she got her own name. It wasn’t fair to have her named after ghosts.   
I clung to Carl’s shoulder and kissed the top of his hat. I knew my eyes were full of tears again but I wiped them away.   
“You like that, Lil’ Ass-kicker?” Daryl spoke softly to the little girl. We laughed. Of course he was going to call her that. And I knew that it would end up sticking.   
And with that, we relaxed a bit. It always took the first laugh to get the group wound down again. Satisfied with the safety of us all, Hershel hobbled to his bed. He must have been exhausted. He had only just begun to walk again before being faced with the days’ events.   
One by one, everyone fell asleep. Carl didn’t want to go to his cell so I let him pull a mattress out into the open room for him to sleep on. I acted like this wasn’t something I wanted him to do in an attempt to keep some normality, some sort of routine, but honestly, I was relieved to have him in the room where I could keep an eye on him. I was sleeping downstairs too, I had already brought down my blanket and pillow to set up on the one comfortable chair- the one the guard in the tower had been sitting on when he died. I had washed it up and pretty much bleached it to get rid of the smell. Honestly, it was for Hershel, a softer chair for him to rest on when he got up and about and the fact that it had wheels was a plus. But I was not opposed to using it when the old man wasn’t there.   
The baby, Lil Ass-kicker (it had quickly caught on) was in a box full of blankets. I put in one of her mother’s tops to keep the reminder. I knew it was fruitless but I still did it.   
“Baby in a box.” I whispered, looking down at her sleeping.   
It was just Daryl and I left now. Oscar and Axel were on mattresses in the room too. We didn’t quite know what to do with them with Rick AWOL.   
“She seems alright in there.” Daryl bit on his thumb, watching me. He was sitting back on the stairs. It seemed I always ended up back there. I sat myself beside him, elbows on my knees and took a deep breath. It’s all I seemed to do- sit and take in deep breaths.   
“She’s calmed down since she had her bottle.” I was so relieved when she stopped crying after finishing the bottle of milk. We were trying to work out a schedule of giving her milk in order to make it last long but, honestly, we knew we were just going to feed her whenever she was hungry. It was the only right way.   
“Yeah, she guzzled that down.” He agreed. I looked at him before taking his wrist in mine and pulling his arm over my shoulder. He pulled me close to his body and kissed me. I thought it was a soft, sleepy moment but he clutched at me tightly before pushing his tongue against my mouth. I sucked, gently, on his lower lip, letting him cling to me. After a few seconds of feeling his tongue against mine, he pulled away. With closed eyes, I brushed my nose against him, letting his warm breath fan over my face. “Sorry.”  
I smiled a little, twisting my fingers in the ends of his hair. “I like feeling wanted.”   
He almost shook his head, in the way he used to do, but I felt him refrain. Daryl’s eyes dropped down to my lips and gave me a quick peck. “She finished all her milk.”   
We were back to talking about the little one.   
“You were a natural, babe.” I whispered, leaning my arms on his lap.   
“Yeah, well, rednecks have kids too.” he shrugged.   
I suddenly thought and turned my head to look at him better. “You don’t have kids…do you?”   
He smirked. “Naw, Evie. I would have told ya.”  
I was relieved. Not that it made a difference, but it would have been a little weird I think. “Okay.”  
“Okay.” He raised his eyebrows, sensing I had something else on my mind. And I did. I had hundreds of things on my mind, that I wanted to ask him about.   
“You shouted at me today.”   
He rolled his eyes and sat back, moving his arm back from me. “Evie…”   
It was petulant of me to bring it up in the face of the losses we had suffered but I wanted to be petulant. “Don’t shout at me again like that. I’m not trailer trash for you to control, you’re well aware of that.”   
“I was tryin’ to keep you safe, you idiot.” He shook his head.   
Like me, when he got pissed or upset, his accent got stronger, got thicker and it got harder for me to understand exactly what he was saying when he spoke too quickly.   
“Not your job.” I pouted. God, I wanted to act like a kid and be annoying because I had too much responsibility. I wasn’t good enough to be trusted with everything and every so often I wanted to show that.   
“You’re so frigging bipolar, Evie.”   
“Bipolar isn’t an adjective.” I pointed out but his tired expression made me stop from annoying him any further. I had some control over my behaviour with him, not much, but some. “But I get it.”   
I could see the confusion in his face that I had made a deal about it and then dropped it just as quickly. “Wh-”  
“Is Carol definitely dead?” I whispered, interrupting him. He and Carol had a wildly unique and odd friendship. It blossomed, mostly, I think from the loss of Sophia. Since then, Carol continued to rely on Daryl, despite growing stronger as a person. What I think she was less aware of was the dependence Daryl had on her too. Maybe I should have been jealous of their friendship, but I was in love with their friendship. It wasn’t a romantic one. It was platonic. And although they, at times, jokingly flirted and spent lots of time together, I couldn’t have been more for their friendship. They were both people I loved who were happy being friends, as odd as they both were. And I knew it was going to hurt a lot for Daryl to be without her.   
Daryl, confused again at my quickly changing subjects, looked down at his hands. There was a small, slightly faded tattoo of a star on the back of his hand, near his thumb. He was studying it. “Yeah. I found her scarf next to T-Dog’s body.”   
I blinked for a second, knowing the tears were there. “But you didn’t actually find her. So she could-”  
“She’s not.” He shook his head.   
My voice cracked. “But she could-”  
“She’s not, Evie.” He grabbed my hands in his, pinning them down with his fingers.   
It happened again, the feeling that I couldn’t breathe. “But I want her to be.”   
He sighed, nodding. His eyes were full, but never overflowed. Mine did. A few tears dropped down my cheeks, tickling my skin. He cupped my face in his large hands and his thumbs wiped them away. “I know.”  
I clung to his hands, wrapped my fingers around his wrists. I leant back into his chest, yearning for comfort. And although I knew he wasn’t one for cuddling, he held me close to him, his lips moving in my hair. “I just don’t get it.” I whispered. “It sounds stupid but after we went eight months on the road, running and hiding and running again and we all stayed alive, I thought we were above it now. I thought Lianne was going to be the last one. I never thought any of us were going to die.”   
His fingertips pressed into the muscles on my shoulders and he kissed me again, his lips soft against my forehead. I whispered to him that I loved him. It was the first time I had said the three words to him. He kissed at my cheek before tilting my head towards him, his fingers at my chin. I kissed him because he wanted me to and I needed him to.   
We sat there, sleepily for a while before the baby started crying. I rocked her softly and once she fell asleep, I did too. It was a slightly comforting end to a devastating day.


	16. New Arrival

The sun was beaming on me. I basked in it, letting it shine over my face, down my neck and across my shoulders. The sunburn scars were still there but I had stopped getting so badly burnt, as if I had built up a tolerance to the rays.   
I had a nauseated feeling radiating all through my body. My stomach was clenching every other minute and I could feel the sweat dripping down the middle of my back. I was always warm in Georgia but this was an internal heat. I was clammy and feeling crappy but the fresh air made it a little bit better.   
My fingers dug into the dry grass and I stared out across the fields into the woods. The Walkers were milling about but, thankfully, not concentrated in any area so I was fine not to act on it. I had spent the day trying to hide my sickness. Rick was still moping, although he briefly resurfaced so I felt it okay to not force him out of the tombs. Daryl, Oscar and Carl were clearing some more of the prison, focussing on the other cell blocks. Maggie and Glenn had gone on a run, a while ago, and still hadn’t returned. A few hours more would spark worry, but for now, like with the Rick situation, we were okay with it.   
“Hey.” Daryl’s voice carried across a few metres. I craned my neck to see him coming towards me and slid down on the grass to sit with me. He passed me a bottle of water and I twisted the cap open. I sipped it a little. I was so thirsty but I had already thrown up twice that day and couldn’t face gulping it down.   
“How’d you get on?” I questioned, putting the bottle beside me and turning to look at him.   
“Fine. Cleared it. No issues.” He shrugged, not looking at me. “Found Carol’s knife though.”   
My ears pricked up at that. “Where?”   
“Jammed in some bastard’s neck,” he muttered. “At least she fought.”   
“Not like Carol would ever just roll over and die.” I smiled a little. “Not now.”  
“Naw.” He agreed. “She wouldn’t.”  
We sat silently, staring for a few minutes before I spoke again. “It’s gonna be weird without her. I don’t know how to do the laundry like she does.”  
Daryl laughed softly. I craved his laughter. I needed to make him laugh, especially when there had been so much death in the last days, when he had the risk of slipping back to the standoffish man who we first met.   
“I mean, Beth knows, I guess. But the way she gets the blood off that stuff is unparalleled. And who’s gonna force you to go to bed? And she’s the only one who can make you uncomfortable with sex chat.” I smirked, seeing him roll his eyes. “I’m gonna miss her.”   
“Mmm.” He breathed out. “Any signs of Maggie and Glenn?”   
And that was the end of his ability to talk about her. I knew he was hurting but I knew my pushing would make him retreat further away from me and I couldn’t bear that.   
I shook my head. “Nope.” I felt nausea that made me tense. “Rick back yet?”   
“Nuh.” He sighed stretching his legs out. I went to ask if we were supposed to be worried but I couldn’t. Instead, when I opened my mouth I had to turn to the side and I threw up in the grass.   
I heard him say my name and his hand settled on my back. His thumb swiped at my spine as my stomach wrenched and I brought up another mouthful of the water I had just drunk. I sighed and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.   
Daryl’s face was in a slight grimace when I faced him. “You…alright?” he asked tentatively.   
I matched his grimace with my own expression and shrugged. “Been feeling a bit crappy. I asked Mags to see if she can find something for it.”   
Daryl’s hand was frozen on my back. “You’re definitely not pregnant?”   
I rolled my eyes and groaned. “Jeez, Daryl. Did you fail biology? No uterus, no home for your sperm.”   
He made a face at my words. “Right. I guess.”   
I wished, kind of, that it was. I would have loved to have a baby, and it always hurt whenever I thought about children. Maybe Lori’s baby’s appearance in our lives had exacerbated that. But I knew, I knew, I knew that I was never going to have that. It was medically impossible and unless children really did come from the stork, I wasn’t going to be having a baby shower anytime soon.   
“Come on, get some sleep then. You were up with Ass-kicker before I even woke up.” Daryl pushed himself to his feet and looked down at me. “Maybe you’re just tired because of the baby and everything.”  
“It’ll just be a bug.” I ripped the shards of grass from the ground, squinting in the sun up to him. “Or maybe I’m dying of an incurable vomiting disease and you’ll never get to tell the world that you worship the ground that I walk on.”   
It seemed he didn’t appreciate my joke. He just stared down at me before I clarified that I was kidding.   
“Come on.” He reached his hands down. I hooked my fingers in his and let him pull me up from the ground.   
I clung to his arm. “Can’t walk. Too weak.” I murmured against his bare, freckled shoulder. He sighed and rolled his eyes at me. It seemed the majority of our relationship was based on eye rolls. I felt giddy, though still slightly sickly, when he crouched a little and let me climb onto his back.   
He trudged over the grass towards the cell. I draped my arms over his shoulder, my hands slipped inside his vest shirt and I brushed my palm over his chest. “Stop.” He groaned when I kissed the side of his neck and I smiled at his noise as we crossed the threshold into the cell block.   
“Why?” I kissed him again, darting my tongue out to the tendon on his neck.   
“People.” He grunted as we passed the others in the common room. I slipped down from his back, but he still followed me through to the cells. He was right at my back as I climbed up the stairs and went into my cell.   
“You were the one who kissed me in front of everyone.” I pointed out. “I was more than happy to keep this a secret a little longer.”   
He was silent as I pulled the blanket up on my bed and tossed Daryl’s top that he had ditched on my bed that morning onto the top bunk. I knew that it was because he didn’t know if he’d come back to me, or how I would be if he did. I knew that. Because I felt the exact same way.   
“Not complaining though.” I turned and gave him a small smile. He leaned down to give me a kiss but I pulled back with a grimace. “Don’t. I’ve just been sick, I have a horrible taste in my mouth.”   
Without a second of hesitation, he leant down to me again. “Ah, I’ve probably kissed worse.”   
I let out a laugh. “I don’t doubt that.”   
He pressed his lips against mine, his nose brushing against my skin. It only took a few seconds for his face to turn into a scowl. “You’re hot.”   
I scoffed. “Why thank you, but odd time to comment.”   
“No.” he pressed his hand to my face, feeling my skin. “You’re hot. Like you have a fever.”   
I moved out of his touch in a little bit of panic. I had already taken note of my elevated temperature but I wasn’t concerned. I wasn’t turning. I wasn’t in that much pain. I wasn’t bit. I was going to be fine.   
“I know.”   
“You know? You’re sick.”  
“You just saw me throw up, Daryl. I just need a nap and some time.” I kicked my boots off. His eyes didn’t leave me and I could see the annoyance in his expression at me not ‘looking after myself’. “What are you going to do?”   
He shrugged grouchily. “Stuff.”   
“Stuff?”   
He nodded.   
“Then go do the stuff.” I folded my arms and stared right back at him. He was frozen for a few moments but then he kissed me quickly before he left.   
I smiled just a tiny bit and crawled into my bed. My achy muscles were relishing in the support from the mattress. I was tired. I was nauseous. I was too hot and too cold. And as soon as I had laid down, I fell asleep. 

I was shaken awake roughly. I knew it was Daryl, his large hands clutched my shoulders and urged me to wake up. I frowned and moved back from him, whining at being woken when I was still feeling crappy.   
“Stop.” I pushed his hands away from me.   
“I need your help.” He grabbed at my arm again but I squirmed from his grip.  
“You can need it in an hour,” I muttered and pulled the blanket up to under my chin.   
“I found Carol.”   
When I sprung out of bed and ran with him down the steps to the cell he motioned to, I almost collapsed at the sight of her.  
She was dusty and bruised with some blood on her hands, and she was squinting up at me, but Carol looked normal.   
“Oh my god.” I knelt beside her. She was perched, tiredly on the bed. “Thank god.”   
She smiled and pulled, weakly at my hands and let me hug her tightly. Just the shock of seeing her forced my heartbeat up a million beats. I almost cried but I was still confused as to how we missed her.   
“She was in one of the cells.” Daryl semi-explained.   
I sniffed hard and wiped the sweat from my still feverish forehead, trying to clear my mind of the emotions. “Are you okay? Are you feeling okay? Are you in pain anywhere?” I questioned her, reaching for the bottle of water on the bed, forcing her to take some sips.   
“Hungry. Thirsty. Little tired.” She licked her lips when she finished her sips.   
“Understandable. Don’t drink too much, you’ll get sick. Babe, grab a cereal bar from the boxes.” I spoke over my shoulder to Daryl who disappeared to fetch the food.   
He had put Carol in the room with the medical supplies, smartly. I reached for the box with the supplies in it and fished through to get the packets of rehydration solutions.   
“I knew this would come in handy at one point. And Maggie told me it was useless.” I scoffed, tearing the top off the sachet and dumping the contents into the water bottle. I shook it up, whilst shuffling the box over to the bed so I could search for the stethoscope. “Finish this within the hour, but don’t gulp it.” I handed her the bottle without even looking at her before rummaging in the box. The concrete was hard on my knees and cold against my bare toes but I had to find the stethoscope and it wasn’t there.   
“Evie.” Carol croaked, her throat still dry from the lack of water. “Evie.” Her hands grabbed my arm, pulling me.   
“What?”   
“Slow.”   
Slow. Slow down? Slow down after seeing her again? Slow down after realising she was alive after thinking she was dead and grieving her? Impossible. But I forced myself anyway.   
“I thought you were dead.” My face contorted in pain, pain from my heart and pain from my nausea. “I thought you were dead or turned and we never gonna see you again and we made you a grave and it was going to be so weird without you. And I’m sick. I don’t feel well and I want to be looked after and I miss my mother and you’re the closest thing I’ve got and I thought I lost that.” At some point in rambling, I started to weep.  
She cupped my face and looked down at me. “I’m not old enough to be your mother.”   
I let out a wet laugh and dropped my forehead to her knee, wincing at the churning of my stomach. “No. You’re not.”   
At that, Daryl appeared at the doorframe, brandishing a couple of breakfast bars. He dropped them on the bed and said he didn’t know which one she would have wanted.   
I could see him noting my wet, blotchy face but I ignored him and went back to the box. This time, I found the stethoscope instantly.   
I was just in the middle of taking listening to her heartbeat when there was noise coming from the common room. Voices and movement. Daryl left us and went through. “Rick.” I heard him say and then a few seconds later. “Who the hell is this?”   
I couldn’t make out what the others were saying. “They must have found someone,” I whispered to Carol, pausing in my quick examination. She was as frozen as I was. I strained my ears to hear what was happening.   
But it was just Daryl I could hear. “Come on in here. Got something you’re gonna want to see.”   
Footsteps.   
“I think you’re the thing.” I smiled softly at Carol and pulled the stethoscope away. I tossed it on the bed and stood up, moving back for the others to come in. I knew they would rush at her as much as I wanted to.   
They all came in, all of them at once and all had the same shocked expression when they saw her. Rick enveloped her, tightly, in a hug as they thanked God that she was alive.   
Daryl spoke. “Poor thing fought her way into a cell. Must have passed out and dehydrated.”   
“She’ll be okay. Healthy just needs to rehydrate.” I answered the questions they all were about to ask as they turned their heads, almost simultaneously, towards me.  
I watched as Carol noticed the baby in Beth’s arms. She took a step towards the little one and saw that Lori wasn’t here. “Lori?” she whispered, turning to Rick. He shook his head, emotional but strong. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”   
I couldn’t take the weeping, I couldn’t take the crumpled look of Carl’s face, I couldn’t take the looks on all of our faces; sad and happy at the same time.   
Carol, though weak from the last few days, reached out and cradled the baby in her arms. The kid didn’t stir, didn’t complain and settled comfortably in the arms of the only mother in our group.   
We barely had a moment to savour the reunion when Rick pulled at my elbow, nudging me out of the room. “Got someone I want you to check over.”   
I listened to Rick explain the situation: the mystery woman with the bullet wound in her leg who showed up at the fence with a basket of formula and a super sharp sword. I ignored the sweat dripping down my back to ask him how she found us, why she had formula but he didn’t know the answers.   
We went out: Rick, Daryl, Hershel and I. She was hopping, holding onto the table for support. The whites of her staring eyes were stark against the darkness of her skin. She just stared at us, eyes narrowed, like she was on the defence, awaiting us to pounce on her.   
But we didn’t.   
“We’ll tend to your wound. Give you some food and some water and then we’ll send you on your way. But first, you have to tell us how you got here and why you had the formula.”  
I snuck over to her, avoiding the line of speech between the two of them, but making myself as unthreatening as possible. She may not have had the sword, but she looked like she had the muscles to make me want to run.   
Tentatively, I peeked at the wound. Her jean trouser was soaked in her blood but she acted like it was barely a scratch.   
She spoke, her voice hard but silky at the same time. “The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy.” Glenn. “And a pretty girl.” Maggie.   
We all exchanged looks, knowing the same things. “Were they attacked?” Hershel questioned, hobbling forward a little.   
“They were taken.” She said. The word taken lingered in the air ominously.   
“Taken? Taken by who?” Rick’s voice was demanding an answer.   
She breathed in. “By the same son of a bitch who shot me.”   
I thought her answer was perfectly fine, I assumed she would expand. But Rick was less patient.   
“Hey!” he yelled. The volume of his voice jolted me just a little. “You tell us what happened and you tell us now.” He lunged at her on the last word and slammed his hand in her wound, his fingers digging into the gash.   
She screeched at him to not touch her, shoving him from her.   
“Stop, Rick!” I yelled at him and prised his fingers away from the woman’s leg. My clammy hand pushed him back. He was more volatile. I put it down to Lori’s death and the recent events but he was scary, even to me.   
Daryl armed up, his crossbow pointing at the woman. “Start talking or you’ll have a bigger problem than that gunshot.” I saw his muscles tick as he itched to pull the trigger.   
“Find them yourself.” She spat.   
None of this was helping. She needed placated, she needed medical help, she needed some water and then she would talk. I was sure of it.   
Rick placed his hand on the bow, gently getting Daryl to lower it. I stared at Daryl, being led by Rick like that. He didn’t return my stare.   
The woman, who still hadn’t really been introduced to me, told us about a town called Woodbury. It was packed with around seventy five survivors being led by some sort of cult leader type who deemed himself The Governor. Sounded pleasant.   
“They armed?” Daryl narrowed his eyes at her.   
“Paramilitary wannabes. They’ve got armed sentries on every wall, around the boundaries.” She reported.   
“You know a way in?”  
“They’re armed for Walkers, not people. We could slip in.” She shrugged, glancing over us.   
“How’d you know where we were?” Rick shifted on his feet. The staring was terrifying even for me.   
She swallowed. “They mentioned a prison, said it was a straight shot. Pretty easy to find.”  
Rick breathed in for a long moment and stared just as scarily as he had been. But it seemed he made a decision. “This is our doctor, Evie.” I felt self-important when he gestured to me. “And Hershel, the father of the girl you saw. They’ll fix you up.”   
He and Daryl retreated and I knew that they would be talking over the situation with the others.   
I got to work, after I asked her what her name was. She hesitated a moment before saying Michonne. Hershel and I got to work, quickly like we always did. I stitched up her leg while her grazed arms were tended to by the veterinarian.   
Behind us, Carl was standing, watching with a hand covering his gun just in case.   
I reached for the bandage, having finished stitching up her skin. Before wrapping the bandage around her, I wiped at my head with the back of my hand and took a deep breath.  
The sick feeling hadn’t waver and the sweat was still dripping off of me.   
“You alright, Evie?” Hershel questioned as he worked. He raised an eyebrow in question. I cleared my throat and nodded, telling him that I was fine.   
“Bit young to be a doc, aren’t you?” Michonne spoke for the first time since she told us her name.   
I smiled a little at the comment, continuing to ignore the sickness. “If I had a dollar every time I heard that... nothing would be different because money is obsolete in our shitty world.”   
I pinned the bandage in place and stepped back, wiping my hands on the cloth next to me.  
There was a moment's silence as she stared at the two of us. “Thank you.” She said eventually.   
Progress.   
I smiled, just a little, just a tiny bit. I would have said something more but nausea overpowered me. I broke into a run and headed straight for the door. I doubled over at the waist as soon as I stepped into the humid air and I threw up in the gravel. I leant against the wall, my hands grazing against the stone.   
It was a few minutes before Rick came out, closely followed by a hobbling Hershel and a concerned looking Daryl. They explained the plan. A rescue mission.   
“You coming with?” Rick asked, surveying me.   
I wanted to. I wanted to be involved and to help them and I knew that once we breached Woodbury, I would be useful in close combat. But I couldn’t face a car ride in the balmy weather, I couldn’t deal with running through woodlands or climbing up walls. I wanted to sit still and breathe in and sip water.   
“I’d love to, but I’m feeling a little queasy.” I chewed on my lip, speaking honestly.   
Rick narrowed his eyes a little at me.   
“She has a fever,” Hershel said. I watched as the two of them exchanged looks and I couldn’t stop myself from rolling my eyes.   
“I’m fine! I’m not even scratched. It’ll just be a bug. Or something I ate. I’ll wait it out a day. If I’m not better this time tomorrow then we can worry.”   
“She’s not bit.” Daryl insisted, shaking his head because he knew what they were thinking.   
Rick breathed in and nodded. “Well, you would know, right?”   
I almost gasped. Humour. That was a joke, a bit of a friendly ribbing.   
“Shut up,” Daryl muttered before going inside, presumably to get supplies.   
Rick scoffed a laugh before following him into the prison, leaving just Hershel and I. I could feel him watching me, keeping his eye on me.   
“I’m fine.” I swallowed hard, promising despite the taste of sick in my mouth. My tongue and throat felt like it was sliced and covered with stingy salt. “I just don’t want to travel right now. And I don’t want the baby near me right now either so you can let Beth know.”   
“You haven’t really been apart from the baby since Maggie came out with her.” Hershel shifted his weight on the crutches. I was not envious of his situation; the crutches did not seem comfortable. But he had adjusted remarkably quickly.   
“That’s only been a few days.” I slouched against the wall. “I want her to be with Rick and Carl as much as possible. I mean, I’m fine with us all being involved with her, but I want the Grimes’ to be as close to her as possible.” I watched him nod at what I was saying. “Has Rick held her yet?”   
“Just before we spotted Michonne.”   
Thank god. “Good. Good.” I needed them to bond, I needed to know that this baby was going to be loved by everyone in our group. Including, and most specifically, her father- biological or not.   
Hershel and I stood and watched whilst Rick came out and pulled one of the cars round to the yard. They organised themselves quickly, loading the car up with weapons and a small amount of supplies. I had perched up on the edge of the trunk, avoiding the weak feeling in my legs and shifted out of the way as they threw things into the car.   
My eyes glanced around the place, watching Rick stooping to talk to Carl intensely, taking in Daryl sharing a word and a smile with Carol. He was happy, he was relieved to have her back.   
Michonne snapped me out of my smile. “Blondie said that you cleared this all, just you guys and a few others.”   
I sighed, “Beth. Her names Beth. But yeah.”   
“How?”   
I looked up, wilting a little under her intense stare. “We’re just really good.”   
It was partly true. We were good, we had to be. We had learned to be and were forced to be.   
She nodded and leant a hand on the side of the car, taking the weight from her injured leg. “So what?” she looked around the yard at our group busying themselves. “So the men go out and fight and the women stay at home?”   
Immediately, I felt my hackles go up in defence. “No.” I was offended. “We all pull our weight. I can fight just as well, just as much and just as hard as Rick and Daryl can.”  
I think she realised that I was not happy with her insinuation. So she nodded and left it at that.   
I kept my eyes studied on her until Rick came over and she slipped into the backseat of the car. Daryl, huffing a black bag on one shoulder and his crossbow on the other, came towards the car. He chucked the bag roughly.   
“I hope there were no valuables in that.” I commented.   
“Not unless you count the guns.”   
“Ah, throwing weapons, even better.” I stood up, slowly, in attempt to ease the sickness. Daryl stared down at me, his jaw clenching. I could see the muscles in his face tense and release. That’s when I realised that we hadn’t had to do this before. “I’ve never had to say goodbye to you”   
He screwed his face, unflatteringly, like a giant child. “What? Yeah, you have.”   
“Nope. I mean, apart from when you went to go and get milk with Maggie, this will be the first time you’re going away since we…”  
“Got together.” He finished my sentence, although somewhat reluctantly, uncomfortably.   
“Yeah. Should I wave a handkerchief from the window? Should I send letters? Should I pack you a lunch?”   
He groaned and grabbed my arm, pulling me into him, just to shut me up with my mouth pressed against his chest. “Shut up.”   
I laughed a little and lay my hands on his chest. “Come back.”   
He didn’t say anything. He just pulled me tight and lifted me, my feet pulled off the ground and I coughed out a laugh.   
“Any higher, I would have thrown up.” I managed to say when he set me back down on the ground. There was a moment, we looked at each other, studying each other’s faces, eyes and I seemed to have forgotten that I wasn’t feeling well.   
He blinked slowly and pressed his lips together, his teeth dimpling the plump flesh of his lips. “We’ll be home soon.”   
I nodded, slowly, slightly before reaching out and grasping the collar of his vest. I pulled him down to me and kissed him, softly. It wasn’t passionate, it wasn’t sexy, it wasn’t a make-this-kiss-last-you. It was a kiss that made me know that I loved him and I hoped that it reminded him of that fact too. “You better.” I said when I separated my lips from his.   
I didn’t want to stand with them until they physically placed themselves in the car so I went back up to the prison, where Hershel stood with Carol, who was rocking the baby in her arms.   
“What was that?” Carol’s voice reached my ears before I even got up to them. She had that mischievous expression on her face, that one quirked eyebrow and half smirk.   
I sighed. “I’ll tell you about it when I can keep something in my stomach for more than ten minutes.“


	17. Gone

The powder of the rehydration sachet floated unappealingly in the bottle of water. I shook up the bottle in attempts to mix it more but it didn’t seem to take.   
I sipped at it, still stretched back on the bed. I had slept most of the day away, and it was nearing darkness. I had gotten up periodically through my resting to check on the others but they were doing fine so I resigned myself to my horrible, uncomfortable and lonely bed. As pathetic and whiny and childish as it sounded, I already craved Daryl. I wanted him to be rubbing my back to rid me of the nausea. And I wanted his kisses on my forehead.   
Realistically, even if he was with me, this wouldn’t have been happening. I would have shooed him away to keep him from my bug but I liked to daydream.   
My headache was omnipresent but I could feel the sickness feeling dripping away as the time passed which made me hope that I was going to be healthy by the next day.   
I tucked my hand under my pillow and pulled it close. I was falling asleep quickly since I had gotten sick. But I was still half awake when Beth came up. She shook my arm hard, rousing me from my slumber.   
“We heard screams.” She perched on the edge of my bed, staring hard at my face.  
I groaned and pushed myself up and rubbed my face. “What? Who was screaming?”   
“I don’t know.” She shook her head, the heel of her hand pushing back her blonde hair. “Carl’s gone to check it out.”   
Carl. Away. Again.   
My legs swung onto the ground and I stood up. I had moved too quickly and felt incredibly dizzy. It buzzed through my head and down my body so I clung to the bedframe for support. “Why?”   
“My dad let him go.” She slowly stood up and watched my reaction. “He’ll come back. He’s not gonna put himself in danger.”   
“Yeah. I’m sure.” Slightly groggily, I pushed my feet into my shoes and tucked in my laces. I was just about to leave the cell when noise from downstairs reached our ears. I froze up a little at the raised voices before darting out of the cell.   
I peered over the rail to see a woman, skin just lighter than Michonne’s, clinging to the bars of the locked entrance to the block. Carl had backed away a step, having locked it up. He stared at the woman as she forced herself against the bars. I could see she had spotted Hershel and it riled her up even more.   
“Hey!” She insisted. “Open this door!”  
“Hey!” I moved to the top of the stairs, yelling loudly. “Take a breath. And take a step back.” I ordered her to calm herself. She stared up at me, just as another man came to stand behind her. They looked similar, yet different. Both dark skinned, both tired looking, both very strong. The man, as broad as he was tall, had a black woollen hat pulled tightly over his head, looking slightly like a winter salesman.   
“You have to let us out of here. We’re not animals.” The woman pleaded.   
Carl took over. “You’re safe in there. You have food and water in there.”   
She went to protest further but I cut her off. “The door to the outside is open. You’re free to leave, but we’re not unlocking that door right now.” I spoke calmly, going down the stairs, the metal clanging with my footsteps. “Are any of you injured?” I questioned.   
“Not really. Just her.” The man threw a quick look behind him. I could see two men in the background of the room and a body on the ground. Its face was covered.   
“She’s dead,” Carl spoke quietly.   
So very injured then.   
“Trust me when I tell you that you’re safe in there.” I folded my arms and appraised them. They didn’t really have many weapons, not guns anyway. But they had tools, brushed with old blood which told me that they had been making do. Surviving.   
“Are you in charge?” The man questioned. I almost laughed.   
“No. My name’s Evie. There’s many more of us.” Many was maybe stretching it but I wanted them to know we weren’t a group they could easily take us on. “You can stay here until the rest of them come back. We’ll have to discuss it.”  
They exchanged looks and so I felt it necessary to add something more. “You try anything, we’ll end you all.”  
-  
It was quiet down the stairs from my cell. I woke up feeling amazing. It was like the appreciation you get when you can finally breathe after a horrific cold, I could finally walk about without feeling nausea swigging in my stomach. It felt incredible.   
I ran downstairs with a giant spring in my step and went straight to where quiet voices were. I could hear Hershel speaking softly in the big room and I stepped inside to see him tending to the newcomers’ wounds.   
Although they had told us they weren’t injured, they must have had some small ailments that needed looking at. The room hushed a little, Hershel turned his head and looked up at me from his chair.   
“They seemed safe enough.” He reasoned. “Figured we could at least bandage them up.”   
I sucked on my top lip. “I was coming down to do the same thing.”   
Hershel smiled at me as Carol handed me a bowl of oatmeal, passing another to Axel.   
I glanced around the room, seeing the four newcomers taking in the situation. The older man, who had been introduced as Allen, was watching me move about the room, I could feel his eyes boring into me.   
“So, are you sure you’re not in charge?” He spoke eventually, after I had finished the first few mouthfuls of my breakfast. “Seems like a Queen Bee type of thing to sleep in and give out orders.”   
Immediately I prickled. I knew that if anyone was going to be an issue in the group, it would be him. I set my bowl down and looked over at him, dropping my hip a little in my stance. He sat with his son, watching me. “I’ve been sick.”   
“Sick?” Allen raised his eyebrows.   
“Not Walker-sick. Just normal, couple of day sickness.” I warned him.   
Carol jumped in at this point. “How are you feeling today, Evie?”   
I pulled my eyes from the two men’s figures and focussed on Carol. “Better. Much better. In fact, it’s the first time in a few days that I haven’t felt nauseous. Which is great.”   
“Good,” Carol commented, just as a creak came from behind me. I turned to see Beth coming out with the baby in her arms.   
Before Rick and the others had left, Carl and his father had settled on the name Judith for the baby. I loved it, I loved that she wasn’t named after anyone we had lost.   
My heart jumped at the sight of her. I had stayed true to what I had said and kept away from her in an attempt to avoid passing on the bug to her. But I had missed her, Jesus, I had missed her. I missed how warm and small and cuddly she was. And I missed the new baby smell of her head.   
“Hey, baby.” I moved quickly around the table and over to Beth who offered her up with a smile. I scooped her from Beth’s thin arms and held her up, kissing her head. “Hey, sweet girl. I missed you so much.” I rocked her, tucking her in the crook of my elbow. “Oh yes, I did.”   
She stared up at me, gumsy and drooling, blinking. I could have squished her so hard. I loved this kid. I loved her brother. I needed them to stay safe.   
Beth went for the bottle and I bounced a little, just looking down at Judith’s roaming eyes.   
“How old is she?”   
I glanced up, unaware that Sasha had stood to look at Judith. “Barely a week.”   
In awe, she shook her head. “Never thought we’d see a baby again.”   
I felt a weird surge of pride as they admired Judith, I was glad that she was able to bring some form of hope to these people, even if we weren’t going to allow them to stay.   
“You look good.” Sasha said to Beth.   
Shaking up the baby bottle with the formula, Beth turned a little with surprise on her face. “Oh, she’s not mine.”   
“Yours?” Sasha asked me.   
Wistfully, I took in a breath, stroking the top of Judith’s head, feeling her soft down hair against my fingers. “If only.”   
“Where’s her mother?” Tyreese looked over to us.   
We all avoided the looks of the strangers, shaking our heads softly. And then they realised. A baby without its mother at a week old.   
“Oh.” Tyreese breathed. “You guys have been through the mill.”   
“No shit.” I muttered whilst Hershel took a more humble approach by saying that everyone had. Which was true, but our tragedies seemed worse, seemed harsher to me.   
I listened, getting the bottle from Beth and fed Judith, whilst Tyreese told us where they had come from: they hid out for a while before fending for themselves in the wild.   
“Like we said.” Hershel spoke after a few seconds of hesitation, packing up the bandages. “We’re part of a much larger group. So don’t get too comfortable.”   
His eyes were morose but he knew he couldn’t promise anything to these people. Not after risks we had already taken.  
“You see what kinda people we are.” Tyreese protested, his voice laced with slight desperation.  
“It’s not our decision.” He shook his head.   
This conversation seemed to signal to all of us, simultaneously, that we should go back to the cell block and stay separate for Tyreese’s group for now. And we all floated back to the door.   
“Then who’s?” Tyreese stared as we closed the door to the block; us on one side, them on the other.   
The clang of the door was the noise in place of the answer. It was Rick’s.   
I sat on the stair cradling Judith in my arm, rocking her softly as she guzzled down her milk. Her fingers clung to the top of her blanket. She was so strong.   
Beth was folding up some clothes for the baby and Hershel was with Axel in the cell, chatting about something or other. Axel was harmless, but he was still an outsider. Carol had mentioned he had shown interest in Beth. I was with Daryl, Maggie was with Glenn and apparently he thought Carol was a lesbian, so Beth – though young and technically underage- was the only viable option for the hard up ex-con. Carol set him straight on that topic.   
Carl and Carol had left to go out for watch in the yard, after letting the newcomers know that they should bury their friend. We gave them tools and let them know where to bury her.   
I relished in my quiet time, quiet comfort with Judith.  
I felt a craving for that contact. Carl and her, I felt an intense responsibility- for them and to them. I needed to look after them and make sure they were raised properly and raised right. Judith was only a week old and I was mapping out all the things we needed to do for her.   
My contemplative mood was interrupted with noise from outside. Hershel told me to stay where I was and hobbled quickly out of the cell and to the outside.   
I stayed with Judith, standing to peer out into the common room, partly watching the new people reacting to the situation, the noise.   
And then there was noise. The door clanged open and Glenn, dishevelled and exhausted, strode in. A zipper hung loosely on his body. He didn’t give the four people in the room a second look; he just came straight towards the cell.   
“Glenn,” I whispered and jostled Judith into one arm. He tiredly gave a half smile, seeing my worried expression as I took in his battered face, the black eye and swollen lips. I reached my hand out and touched his face as gently as possible, but he still winced. He let me hug him, one armed. The only reciprocation I got was his chin settled on the top of my head, but that was fleeting. Within seconds, he was in his cell, alone.   
What had happened?   
I stared towards the cell he had disappeared into before my gaze was pulled away towards the noise of more footsteps.   
This time it was Beth and Maggie. Maggie did look at Tyreese’s group, but not enough to really ask what was happening. Her feet dragged as she came towards me. I smiled gently, passed Judith to Beth before enveloping Maggie in my arms. I pulled her close, tight and she did the same, falling softly against me, letting me support her.   
After a few seconds, she pulled back. She was less bruised than Glenn, but ten times as exhausted looking.   
“Are the others coming in?” I asked, glancing over her shoulder, waiting to see them, hoping they were all whole.   
“Oscar got killed.” She spoke softly. “Rick’s coming in now. Michonne got shot, you’re gonna need to look at that.” And then there was a pause. Those couple of seconds made my stomach go uneasy. “We met Daryl’s brother.”   
I was confused for a minute, like I had actually forgotten that Daryl had a brother. “Merle?”  
She nodded.   
“Where is he? Where’s Daryl?”   
From my memory of what Merle was like, and from the stories he had told me, I knew that it wasn’t good for him to be back. Not really.   
Maggie opened her mouth but didn’t speak for a second until I narrowed my stare into a glare. “He’s gone with him. We couldn’t bring Merle back with us and Daryl wouldn’t come home without him.”   
It took a second for me to figure out what was happening. And when I did, my stomach dropped. I could feel the sickness coming back and immediately my mouth went the wet way it did when I was about to throw up.   
“He left?” My voice came out in a pathetic croak, a half choke.   
At that, Rick came in and stopped behind Maggie. I stared over her shoulder to Rick. He was swallowing hard, nervous, tired. I could tell.   
“Merle? Merle was there?” I couldn’t get over it. The last time we, as a group, spoke about him, we were still on the farm. I had barely thought about him. I definitely hadn’t thought he was alive. I mean, he had cut off his own hand.   
“Apparently, he was this Governor’s right hand man. We couldn’t bring him back here, he beat Glenn half to death, tried to kill Michonne.” Rick shook his head solemnly.   
“So Daryl just went with him?” I scrunched up my eyebrows, shaking my head.   
After a second of hesitation, he spoke again. “He said you would understand. He said to think if it was one of your sisters, you would go too.”   
He was trying to reason away his actions. And no matter how much I knew that his reasons were, at least somewhat, understandable, I still felt betrayed. Jesus, it still felt like I had just gotten punched in the chest. I could feel my heart bounce off my chest. And I couldn’t help but let tears well up in my eyes. Before I could do anything else, Rick grasped at my wrist and pulled me close. His arms wrapped tight around me.   
His hug was comforting, but as I buried my face in his chest, all I could think was: it’s not Daryl. It wasn’t him and he was the one who comforted me. Not Rick, not anyone else. I wanted to choke back my sob into his body but I couldn’t.  
“He told me to look after you.” Rick muttered into my hair, rubbing my back in an attempts to soothe.   
I didn’t need to be looked after. I wanted to be with my… I wanted to be with Daryl.   
But he was gone.


	18. Governor

“He had a tank full of heads. Walker and human. He’s gonna attack here. There’s no doubt.” Michonne’s strong arms were folded over her chest as she answered Beth’s question about whether the Governor was going to attack the prison.   
Everyone was in the common area, staring down at the drawn out map of the prison. Well, everyone but Rick. He had lost it on his return, crazily banishing Tyreese’s group and then he took off down the yard to the fields. He was wandering, muttering, looking entirely insane.   
It was the next morning and he hadn’t yet resurfaced.   
Glenn had seemingly taken over, going on the offensive. Whatever had happened at Woodbury with this Governor had obviously shaken him. He was hiding his terrified state.   
“Then we do it now.” Glenn stood up straight and stared at Michonne. “We sneak back in and put a bullet in his head.   
Michonne swallowed hard. “We’re not assassins.”  
Exasperated, Glenn clenched his fists hard enough for his nails to break into his skin. “You know where his apartment is. We could end this tonight. I’ll do it myself.”   
Under pressure, I believe, Michonne nodded. But Hershel wasn’t having it.   
“He didn’t know you were coming this time,” Hershel leant on one of the crutches heavily, staring hard at Glenn. “Daryl was captured, you and Maggie almost killed. Rick wouldn’t allow this.”   
Something snapped a little in Glenn and he exclaimed. “You think he’s in a position to make this choice!”  
He had a point there. Rick had wandered before but not like this, not in this way. Since Lori died it was like a switch in him. And I didn’t think there was really a way to jolt him out of it. It would just take time. Maybe a lot.   
My eyes fell on Maggie, who was leaning against the wall, hands twitchy and staring at the situation.   
“Think about it,” Hershel said. “T lost his life here. Lori too.” From there he pushed the suggestion we should leave, leave the prison, our beds, the tiny semblance of lives we were in the process of building.   
“And do what? “  
“We survived the winter before.”  
“Back when you had two legs and we didn’t have a baby who cried for Walkers every four hours.” Glenn’s voice was rising, almost into a yell.   
“We can’t stay here.”  
“We’re not running! We’re taking a stand.” Glenn dragged his hands through his hair. Before we could speak about it, Maggie walked away.  
Stressed and slightly scared, I chewed the inside of my mouth watching everything unfold in front of me. Glenn knelt and told Carl that the two of them would clear the tombs together. Immediately, I knew I could help there. It would give me something to do, some sort of purpose.   
“I’ll go with.” Michonne straightening just I said the exact same thing.   
“No.” Glenn shook his head. “We need you guys up here-“ and then he cut himself off. His jaw tensed; I could see the muscle bouncing as he ground his teeth. “Who’s on watch?!”  
Nobody.  
He stormed off outside, presumably to go out to the yard.   
Anxiously, I decided to change my shoes. It was time to hang up the sneakers and go for the boots. It was that kind of situation. I headed to go into the cells when Hershel caught my arm, halting me in my walk.   
“You have to talk with Glenn.” He stared into my eyes, almost studiously.   
I could feel myself riling. “And say what? He’s right. You can’t move like you used to, we can’t drag Judith about. And Rick? Hershel, if we were in the real world, I would have him committed.”  
-  
The cell looked barer than it had done a few days before. I was standing, staring at the cell Daryl and I had been sneaking off to. It looked empty. The only evidence of us ever spending time there together was the folded up blanket on the bed and the wrapper of an energy bar on the ground.   
I was supposed to be ensuring the corridor was still safely blocked off. And it was. But I couldn’t help but stop in the cell on my way back to the block.   
I pulled at the hem of my t-shirt, feeling the frayed thread twist in my fingertips. I could almost feel Daryl’s breath on the back of neck, as if he was just gonna arrive behind me, bark at me for being soppy and push me towards the bunk.   
But nothing happened. I could only pause a moment longer before it hurt and forced me out of the cell towards the block.   
I had allowed myself to be upset about Daryl being away for a little while: basically between the time Rick had told me and when he freaked out at Tyreese. That was all the time I had. I didn’t sleep that night, I stayed up with Judith and I wandered, tensely. But I didn’t let myself think about it, about Daryl.   
I understood. I got that he wanted, needed, to be with his brother; just like I would have needed to be with my sisters. But it didn’t mean I wasn’t hurting because of that.   
I dragged the door to the cell closed and headed out of the corridor, hearing mustering of raised voices. Curiosity piqued, I tried to go up quietly to the entrance of the block, hearing Maggie talking, close to shouting.   
Her words fell from her mouth, talking of what the governor did to her, threatened, just gave that whisper of suggestion of rape. Women’s bodies always ended up used against them, time after time. I winced at her words, feeling innately guilty for listening. But I couldn’t just walk past, so I stood still, hidden away in the doorway.   
“Go away!” Maggie’s voice grew to almost a shriek. “Go!”  
I leapt back into the dark when I saw Glenn stumble out of the cell, as if he had been pushed. From where I was tucked away, I could see Glen. He was frozen for a second, as if waiting for an apology. But then he left. Once he had disappeared from sight, I approached the cell door, slowly.   
My fingers wrapped around one of the bars of the cell door and I leaned, looking down at Maggie. She had retreated to the lower bed of the bunk, her back pressed against the wall, her knees tight against her chest.   
“You okay?”   
Her head moved just a fraction towards my voice. “You listening?”  
I smiled, just a little bit. “Always,” I took a step into the cell. “You wanna talk about it?” I slid down the wall to sit on the floor. It was cold through my jeans, damp against my thighs. I watched her reactions, but her face was mostly blank, her eyes mostly hard.   
“What, you gonna tell me how something like this happened to you?” Her eyebrows tensed, jumping into a hard stare, close to a scowl, but too hurt to be deemed angry. “That I’ll get through this? And that I’ll be stronger for it?” her voice was croaking.   
I took in a deep breath, not quite a sigh, before speaking. “Nothing like that ever happened to me. Or to my sisters or even my friends, I don’t think. But you did what you needed to do. End of story.”   
Her eyes squinted a little at me and she sniffed. “You really are an eavesdropper.”  
“Yup.” I grinned at her accurate accusation. She smiled and shook her head at me. “Look, Glenn is gonna deal with this, Mags. Right now, with Rick and Daryl gone, he’s next up to bat. He’s feeling the heat and it’s stopping him from getting to deal with what happened. The men here, they respect us, hell yeah,” I watched her head bob in agreement. “But they still think that it’s their job to protect us. And he probably feels like he didn’t protect you. Give each other time, it should be fine.” I chewed at my lip, waiting for her to respond. “Also, take the baby. She makes me feel better. Talk to us, talk to Beth.”   
I watched her drag her hands over her face and sit forward. “You okay with Daryl being gone?”   
I almost flinched from the quick change of subject. I cleared my throat. I wasn’t entirely comfortable talking about Daryl. Even the closeness I had with Maggie and Carol couldn’t really prompt me to converse easily about our odd little relationship. Carol tried to ask me about it when I was in bed, still sick but I moaned and groaned about it until she left me alone. I cringed a little and scratched at my jaw.   
“I love him,” I shrugged. “But he is not my entire life. I can be without him. And I get why he left.”   
That was all I had, all I could say at that minute about the topic. I couldn’t speak about it knowing that I probably wouldn’t see him again. I just couldn’t.   
I could see that Maggie was about to ask me more, but I stood up, cutting her off with my movement. “I’m going to help Carol.” I brushed off the dust from the back of my jeans and went to go out of the cell. “Seriously, cuddle Judith. She’s like the best antidepressant ever.”   
She breathed out a laugh and shook her head, allowing me to slip from the cell and go out to the yard.   
I found Carol and Axel, chatting as if we weren’t preparing ourselves for an invasion. We were boarding up the walkways and building barriers around the yard. I felt intruding whilst standing with them. So after we finished up doing the best we could to secure the place, I wandered down the yard, through the walkway towards Michonne. She was standing, full of tension, by one of the overturned police trucks. I had stitched up her leg once Rick had bailed. He wasn’t sure about her, but he wasn’t around to say no. We all knew he wanted her gone once she was well enough to, but again, he wasn’t around to say otherwise.   
“Hey.” I announced myself. I did not want to be on the sharp side of the sword if I surprised her.   
She turned her head to see me. She did not say ‘hey’ back. As I stood beside her, I could feel it radiating off of her; the preparedness, the tension, the wariness. It was almost infecting me.   
“Anything?” I questioned.   
“Nothing.” Michonne shook her head. “But I have a feeling they could sneak up on us.”   
“Great.” I muttered. “That’s what we want. Silent killers. I mean, one good thing about the Walkers is that you can at least hear them coming.”   
“Yeah, I know. And if it’s just the one, they’re easy to outrun.”   
“Yeah. Also, do you think they’re slowing down?” I watched her. She stared at me, as if I was mad, and then shrugged a little.   
“Kind of.”   
“So, like, my theory is- which Carol just thinks is nonsense- is that the longer they’re undead, the more decayed they become so they slow down. That’s my thinking. And if that’s right then it stands to reason that eventually, the Walkers that have been Walkers for a while, they’ll just stop. Like they’ll just stiffen up and fall down again. So if we wait them out, in, like, twenty years… we’ll be Walker free.” I explained. I had tried to tell this to Daryl once, midway through Winter, but he just said, ‘Evie, do you ever stop thinking?’   
“But what about the people that die within those twenty years?” Michonne dropped onto one hip and stared at me. “Then we’d have to wait twenty years for those ones to slow down enough. And then in those twenty years, we’d have more people die. And then we’d have to wait another twenty years.”  
I made a face. “Okay, yeah, yeah, there are some holes in my theory, thank you.”   
She laughed a little, just softly. “Not holes…just issues.”  
“Well, I’m sure there were some issues with the whole relativity theory to start with but that turned out pretty well. I think. I don’t actually really know it is.” My sentence fell away a little. I was fairly lost on the physics things. I was a biology type of gal.   
“I don’t think Doogie Howser knew that stuff either.” Michonne’s quip shocked me.   
“Ha. Hilarious. Doogie Howser reference because I’m a giant child doctor. What an incredible up to date pop culture reference.” I mock laughed, whilst being secretly satisfied that she had made a joke. It was a step in the right direction if she was gonna be staying with us. I looked back out into the fields, through the fences, to see if I could see anything. “Have you seen Rick?”  
She nodded. “He wandered out past the creek a while ago.”   
I followed her pointed finger and looked out to the small bridge that crossed the little trail of water, just outside the prison’s perimeter. He wasn’t there now.   
“He does that a lot?” Michonne questioned me.   
I tensed a little, just a little. Although I felt like she could be trusted, like she was a good person in her core, I didn’t want to divulge our weaknesses too much. “He just lost his wife. He’s still dealing with it.”   
“We all have loss. We all deal with it.” She spoke. I couldn’t pinpoint her tone. I couldn’t tell whether it was accusatory or sympathetic.   
“I know. But he…I don’t know. He’s been in charge for so long. He’s lost. And Daryl…left and now Glenn’s freaking out. It’s dangerous.” I hadn’t noticed that my voice had dropped down to a whisper.   
She coughed a little, getting rid of a croak in her throat. “You doing okay, with your man gone?”   
My breath caught in my windpipe as I heard her refer to Daryl. I gave a short laugh at her words. “I don’t think he could ever be someone’s man.”   
I heard her take in a breath as if about to speak, but she didn’t get a chance.   
A shot rang out. A bullet flew through the air.   
I didn’t get a chance to see who got hit before slamming myself into the ground. Both of us dropped instantly, in a knee jerk reaction to gunfire. Michonne grabbed my top and dragged me over towards the truck. Crouching behind the vehicle, I snapped my head round to look behind us, to see that everyone had done the same.   
It was silent after that first shot. I knew that wasn’t going to be it though. There was more to come. I pulled myself forward and peered round the corner of the van, squinting into the distance.   
There was a truck. But it was the man beside the truck that drew the most attention. He stood, confidently, menacingly, surveying us. In his hands was an assault rifle, one that had already unloaded bullets into the prison, our home. He was tall, yet lean. For some reason I had envisioned a mafia type guy. There was a white bandage covering his eye, from when Michonne had sliced him, but the impairment didn’t seem to effect his aim.   
“Is that…”   
“The Governor.” Michonne whispered.   
The words were barely out of her mouth when a craziness of bullets was unleashed upon us. They flew everywhere. The calamity lasted minutes. It doesn’t sound long, but it felt like a lifetime. I winced with every PING of the metal truck when it was shot. The noise was deafening, reverberating around the truck.   
I pulled my gun, my measly handgun which seemed no match for their weaponry, and levelled it up to shoot, but I couldn’t get an angle. Failing defence, I stared around to see if the rest of our group, to see if they were safe. I could see Rick’s dark hair through the grass on the other side of the fence. He was getting targeted, someone was aiming for him.   
Hershel was flattened against the ground in the field, on the prison side of the fence, his crutches abandoned. I was about to crane my neck to see if the others were okay when the grass beside me was infiltrated by a round of bullets.   
I gasped loudly and jumped back, bumping into Michonne, who then yanked me round the corner. We cowered by the fender. “Where is that coming from?” I hissed to Michonne. She had already spotted it. Someone was up in the tower, the one further away from us, but they had turned their attention for a moment to the two of us. “How the fuck did they get in?”   
There was a pause in shots. I strained my ears and trained my eyes on the yard to see if I could see anything. And I could, I could see blonde hair peeking out from one of the barriers. Beth.   
I felt relief at that, but it was short lived. The noise of an engine rumbled, it started increasing, getting closer, with no sound of slowing down. It got closer and closer- and then I realised.   
I whipped my head round to search for the noise and I grabbed Michonne, snatching her back a few feet and we ducked behind the truck, just as another burst through the fence. It screeched through two sets of gates and I watched, scared and confused as the driver slammed the brakes and the truck came to an abandoning halt in the field.   
We stared, I think all of us were staring. I was crouched, watching, and it took a few seconds. And then the hatch burst open on the back of the truck. It fell to the ground and bouncing, slamming. And then the Walkers stumbled out.   
Without delay, the driver, dressed in a full guard get up jumped out of the driver seat and took off, running at a hundred miles an hour towards us. I aimed my gun and shot, but he shot back and we couldn’t get an aim at each other. I could barely focus on his running away whilst the field was filling up with Walkers. They diluted themselves through the area but once they caught the smell of humans, they directed. Hershel was in that field. Rick was just outside the fence. Hershel was in enough trouble, but Rick was on the outside and those bullets would have attracted the Walkers from everywhere.   
“We need to get to Hershel!” I shrieked, grabbing Michonne’s arm.   
“We can’t move until we take out that sniper.” Michonne was staring up at the tower. I couldn’t get a shot on him, but after a few seconds, he was down. From the direction it came from, it looked like it was from someone in the yard.   
I went to run but more shots came which sent me retreating back to the truck. The Governor threw one last round of bullets into the prison before I heard the car door slam and the car began to recede.  
Michonne and I sprung up and ran across the field, killing the Walkers we came across on our pursuit to Hershel. The sound of another car took my attention for just a second. It was Glenn. He had taken the Hyundai to check the perimeter earlier on.  
He collided with the Governor’s truck as he zoomed up the dirt path, through the broken down fences.   
I yelled at him, waving my hands towards Hershel to make him drive over to get him first. I ran towards them, Michonne slicing through the Walkers behind me. Michonne and I grabbed Hershel by his arms and helped him, or rather dragged him, into the front seat of the car.   
“Go up with them, I’ll get Rick.” Michonne wiped the katana on her top as I jumped into the back of the truck. I turned to look for Rick, making sure he was still alive. And I saw him fighting.   
And I saw him fighting alongside Daryl and Merle.   
The sight of them, well the sight of Daryl, made my heart jump. I literally felt it jump. He chose us. He chose to come back.  
I had to cling onto the side of the truck as Glenn pulled away and zoomed up the field to the yard. Maggie and Beth helped their father from the car as soon as we came to a stop. I leapt down to the ground.   
“Is everyone okay?” I asked, just as I spotted Carol’s blood drenched front. “Wh-”  
“Axel. They shot Axel.” She muttered, crushing my hand in hers. “But everyone else is whole.”   
“The baby?”  
“She’s in her bed box, locked in a cell, asleep.” Maggie answered. “She really does make you feel better.”   
I wasn’t sure if we would be able to feel better after this. The Governor had proved himself to be a viable and volatile threat to us. And I didn’t know if we could fend off that kind of threat.   
But, as I stood at the fence with the others, staring down to Rick and Daryl and Merle, I couldn’t really think about the danger.  
He was home. He was back. I couldn’t think of anything else.


	19. Good for You

“…field’s full of Walkers. Maggie’ll keep watch for now.” I heard Rick say.   
His approaching voice had snapped me out of daydream demeanour. Perched on the metal stairs, I could feel the coldness of them numbing my thighs. I had been sitting there for a while, ever since Rick walked away from Hershel.   
It felt like a lot had happened in the time since the Governor’s rally into our prison, but nothing much had been done. As soon as we got everyone safe, we decided it best to hole up in the prison overnight. We had been ambushed in broad daylight, it would have been easy for them to decimate us in the cover of darkness.   
Daryl had practically knocked me out as soon as we got into the prison. His hold around my body was so tight I had to push him away just a little to keep breathing. I wrapped my fingers around his tattered shirt as he whispered that he was sorry. His breath was hot against my cheek as he murmured, low enough that only I could hear him as the others traipsed by into the block. I told him it was okay, because it was, and I kissed him softly, because I missed him. But I didn’t sleep that night.   
I pretended to as Daryl lay next to me in my cell. It was the first time he had slept in there with me. In fact, it was the first time he had slept in bed with me without us having sex. He was tentative even in his tight hold as he fell asleep. It was like he thought I was mad at him for leaving. I wasn’t, not anymore.  
But I couldn’t sleep. For many reasons.   
I could hear Maggie crying.   
I could hear Carol weeping softly as she tried to quiet a fussing Judith.   
I could hear Hershel’s crutch clicking.   
And I was scared.   
Scared that they would come back.   
Scared that Daryl would leave again if we couldn’t find a place for Merle.   
Scared that the prison wasn’t fully secure.   
So after an hour or so of lying still next to Daryl, rubbing my thumb over his hand as his arm lay heavily over my waist, I slid out of bed and crawled across the cold stone floor to sit against the wall. And I just watched him. As if suddenly he would disappear or stop breathing or fade away into the mattress.   
He didn’t. He didn’t even stir. He just slept soundly, snored lightly and twitched every so often.   
And then I left the cell and took over from Carol, who was still rocking Judith. It was as if the baby could feel our fear, tension, grief, and wanted to stay awake with us. She slipped off into a nap within twenty minutes of me taking over- I seemed to have the touch- but I still couldn’t put her down. I needed a function.   
In the morning, Daryl asked if I slept. I shrugged but brushed him off when the arguing started. Should we stay or should we go?   
The Greene’s wanted to leave, Merle said we should have already been gone. But others wanted to stay and fight. I didn’t know what I wanted.   
The discussions ended with Hershel yelling. I hadn’t heard him shout like that, shout so loudly, so strongly since we were on the farm. It was because Rick walked away, because he wasn’t living up to his ‘no democracy’ leadership.   
Hershel’s shouts brought Rick to a standstill but carried on after a moment, quickly followed by Carl.   
And that’s when I sat on the stairs.  
“...could build up the cars?” Michonne suggested.  
“We can’t get to the field without burning through our bullets.” Hershel adjusted his stance.   
Glenn huffed a sigh. “So we’re stuck here. Where we’re running low on ammo and food supplies.”   
“We’ve been here before.” Daryl’s hands dropped on his hips, his teeth gnawing at his lip.   
“Yeah. That’s when it was just us,” Glenn’s eyes rolled and he looked pointedly at Daryl. “Before there was a snake in the nest.”   
I tensed my back at the comment, just as Daryl took a step forward. “Man, are we going through this again?” He snapped at Glenn. “Merle’s staying here. He’s with us now. Get used to it. All y’all.”   
I cringed a little as his voice echoed through the cell block. His feet stomped as he ran up the stairs, the metal rattling beneath me. That’s when Glenn freaked.   
“I don’t want him here, Rick!” Glenn’s voice was shaky, scared but sure. “I would never ask for Shane to be here after he tried to kill you. That’s what Merle being here is like. He is dangerous, and you know it.”   
Rick ran his hand over his face. “I-”  
“Merle’s a military man. He’s got skills. We can’t underestimate his loyalty to his brother.” Hershel tried to mellow out Glenn’s rage.   
I stood up, holding onto the rail. “I think as long as we’ve got Daryl, we’ve got Merle.”  
“Go make sure we definitely have Daryl.” Rick looked to me.   
I chewed at my lip as I tip toed up the stairs, away from Glenn’s on edge voice. Slowly, I stepped towards my cell. Daryl had thrown himself onto my bunk, legs stretched out, sitting with the pillow propped up against the bar. He had ditched all of his things in my cell instead of out in the perch. His bag was in the corner, his crossbow hooked over the top of the bunk and his arrows on the floor.   
I could feel my eyes drying up a little, tiredness setting in as I leant against the wall, watching him. He ignored me, fiddling with an arrow. “Your feet are on my bed.”   
He looked up at me through his eyelashes and shifted his feet so his heels came off the blanket.   
I smiled a little bit. “Glenn’s just…scared.”   
“Everyone’s scared.” He huffed. “Merle’s an asshole but-”  
“But nothing.” I shook my head. I wasn’t having him defend Merle’s actions. They were indefensible. Brother or not, what he did was inexcusable. “Baby, I get that he’s your brother. But what he did to Maggie and Glenn was…awful. What he allowed the Governor to do? You would kill somebody if they did that to me. In fact you would torture someone for a long time and then kill them.”   
Daryl’s eyebrows tensed. He didn’t know what had happened, obviously. Not the whole story, anyway.   
“Look. Give everyone time.” I took a step forward and perched on the edge of the mattress, just beside his outstretched leg. “Maybe Merle will be fine here. But don’t go out on a limb for him anymore than you already have.”  
He didn’t quite nod. Not really. It was more of just a head jerk up. It was half agreement and half dismissal. I didn’t push the subject any further.   
Instead, he changed it.   
“You sleep at all last night?”  
Caught.   
“I did sleep. I slept. You slept. I just woke up before you.” I shrugged. He pulled back his leg and dropped his foot against the floor. “I got up to get the baby.”  
“You didn’t sleep, Evie.” Daryl rolled his eyes and reached out his hand out for mine. I placed my hand in his palm, letting him tug me towards him. I shuffled to his body, my leg brushing his.   
“I…wanted you to get some rest.” I shrugged.   
“While you got none.”   
“I’m a martyr, what can I do?” I muttered. I could feel him breath out a smile. And then I could feel it all. I could feel everything- the fear and terror and hurt. It all crashed into me at once. And I all I could do was sit. He must have seen my face changed, some sort of expression shift.   
Daryl’s hand pulled me into him. I shifted to lie on my stomach, the top half of my body curled against Daryl’s. I could feel his chest moving up and down against my cheek as he breathed beneath me. His arms were strong around me; on hand clutching at my back and the other stroking my hair softly.   
“’m sorry I left.” He whispered in an uncharacteristic move. Maybe it was because I wasn’t looking at him. His more heartfelt words and more intimate confessions always came when he wasn’t face to face with me. He was always more nervous when my eyes were on his.   
“I told you it was fine.” I muttered against his chest, my nose touching his skin just at his chest.   
“Yeah. But. I’m not gonna do it again.”   
He would. If the time called for it, if he had to flee somewhere, if he had someone to save; he would leave again. I was sure. “I know you won’t.”   
His rhythmic stroking of my hair, coupled with the warmth of his body and my lack of sleep lulled me into a snooze.   
I didn’t even dream.  
It was Daryl’s short laugh that jostled me a little, wakening me.   
“He’s your brother but he’s not good for you.”   
It was Carol speaking.  
In my sleep, I had slid down a little. I was still lying against Daryl, facing the wall beside the bunk, just a little further down. I was cosy in my position.   
“Don’t let him bring you down.” Carol’s voice carried to me. I could feel Daryl shift a little.   
He did this thing, like children do. When he was getting into trouble, when someone was talking about something he didn’t want to deal with, he would refuse eye contact and busy himself with something else. I could feel his arms by me still, but his hands weren’t on me. I could feel him playing with something behind my back.   
“She’s good for you.” Carol whispered. “This group is good for you. Look how far you’ve come.”   
My stomach jumped up a little bit with her words; that I was good for him. It made me feel…good. For once, I needed to feel good.   
But I wanted to be involved in their conversation, I didn’t want to be some person who was being spoken about but not to. So I spoke.   
“I am good for you.” I mumbled. “I am so, so good.”   
Daryl laughed, louder this time, along with Carol as I shifted to turn away from the wall and towards her. I lay so that my shoulder was against Daryl’s stomach and allowed my neck to stretch a bit better.   
“You’re like a big kid, you know that?” Carol laughed at me as I rested my hand on Daryl’s leg. “Napping all the time.”   
“You know it’s better for me to nap than have one long sleep. It’s worked the last months. The last time I sleep walked was when we were by that river outside the city.”  
“Yeah, and you walked into the river.” Carol scoffed.   
“I put one foot in the water before Lori spotted me and turned me round.” I pointed out.   
She didn’t say anything, just laughed with a raised eyebrow before heading out of the cell.   
Rubbing my eyes with my knuckles, I sat up. Daryl’s fingers spun an arrow, the thing that he was footering with behind my back whilst I slept.   
“How long was I asleep?” I questioned.   
“’Bout an hour.” He shrugged, dropping the thin arrow down to the floor. I looked at him, still a little hazy with sleepiness. I felt comfortable, totally at ease; sitting between Daryl’s splayed legs in bed was my happy place apparently. With the arrow vacating his hand, Daryl trailed his fingertips down my arm, trying to pull me back towards him. His marshmallow persona always shone through when he was feeling guilty or fragile or sorry for himself. It was then that he always wanted to be with me, close together, even if he acted like he was reluctant at times.   
“I was pretty much squashing you, why didn’t you just leave me on the bed?” I watched him, staying upright. I knew the answer well enough; I wouldn’t have moved him either.  
He shrugged. His eyes were hooded as he bit at his thumb, looking at me. “Didn’t wanna.”   
“Because you love me?” I sang, teasingly shaking his knee, my fingers slipping in the hole of his trousers. They were torn at the knee, showing his skin. He had a small scar just at his kneecap that I traced, feeling the raised skin beneath my fingertip.   
Daryl’s eyes settled on my hand as I smoothed my fingers against his skin. The tips of my fingers skimmed above his knee, brushing close to his thigh. I watched his throat constrict as he swallowed, his lips parted only a millimetre.   
“You love me?” I spoke quieter this time, softer. I felt some sort of power over him.   
His gaze moved from my hand to my eyes. I kept staring at him as I stroked at his skin, waiting for him to reply. After a few seconds he nodded. It wasn’t enough.   
I pulled my hand back from his thigh and tilted my head to stare at him. “Seems I’ve gone deaf.”   
He ground his teeth, almost pursed his lips and gave a deep groan. He had never said it to me whilst looking at me. And I wanted him to do it. Partly, I think, as punishment for leaving. But mostly because I wanted to hear it. I wanted to hear him tell me he loved me because I needed to feel it.   
“Damn, Evie.” He croaked. I could see him flushing pink a little. I could tell that he wanted to avoid my gaze. “You know I do. I love you.”   
I couldn’t suppress my slightly smug grin. It spread over my face before I could control myself. I reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards me. I kissed him deeply, moving my leg over his. He crushed me against him, his hands fanning out on my back. His mouth was wet, warm, and completely addictive as he kissed down my chin to my neck.   
“We can’t do this right now.” I panted, knowing the cell door was open, that the others were just downstairs. But I didn’t stop what I was doing. It felt just like the first time as I knotted my fingers in his hair, encouraging his kisses, not wanting him to stop. His teeth were sharp as they grazed my collarbone, his hands pushing the checked shirt off of my shoulders, leaving me in my tight, bloodstained white vest top.   
Without moving too far from him, I slipped my hand down the front of his body and pulled at the waistband of his jeans, undoing the belt buckle. I moved my face back so I could kiss him, leading him away from my neck and back to my lips. I felt his teeth bite down on my lower lip. Sweat broke out over my entire body, heating me up.   
“I missed you…I’m sorry.” Daryl’s murmurs coincided with his hand that cupped my ass and he yanked my hips to him, moaning into my mouth when I undid his zip. He kneaded at me, hard enough that I could feel the pressure in my muscles and that made my top ride up, bunching at my waist.   
The skin on my stomach was not taut, muscled or smooth. It was loose from where I had lost weight since we started running when the food became scarce and my exercise habits jumped up from couch potato to Olympic sprinter. I still had my chubby bits; my hips and thighs and small belly but I was more muscular then I had been when I started college in the US. I didn’t care though. Not when I was with Daryl.   
I felt safe even though there were Walkers and there was the Governor. Daryl made me feel safe.   
Daryl cursed under his breath, mouth tight against mine when he pulled at my jeans roughly. And I was just about to stand up to take my jeans off when Glenn’s voice ripped through the cell.   
“Daryl, I wanna-” He froze at the door as I leapt away from Daryl. I felt exposed as I pulled down my vest to cover my stomach, sitting at the bottom of the bed now. “Oh. Sorry.”   
His cheeks flushed red, staring at us, still not moving.   
Daryl pulled the pillow over his lap as I stood up. “What’s up, Glenn?”   
“Just wanted to apologise.” Glenn said after a second, almost looking at me, but not quite.   
“It’s fine, man.” Daryl sat forward, his voice rough, slightly strained.   
I was still a little sweaty as I pushed my way out of the cell. “I’m gonna go…see Carol.”   
I mean, I was glad it was Glenn rather than Rick or Hershel or, God forbid, Carl, but it was still a little uncomfortable to have to speak with him whilst I was coming down from a severe turn on. I didn’t even look back at Daryl before abandoning him with Glenn. He was probably more uncomfortable than I was.   
I had to pause for a second on the stairs before I went into the Common Room to get rid of the on edge feeling as much as possible. It felt cooler out in the more open area of the block, it was easier to breath.   
When I walked into the room, Michonne was on the floor, working out. Of course. Why wouldn’t you want to do intense ab crunches in the midst of an apocalypse?   
Merle was talking to her, or more talking at her. I couldn’t tell if he was baiting her or attempting to apologise. Probably was both.   
It took me a second, but my brain frazzled as I spotted the knife taped to Merle’s amputated arm. He hand fashioned some sort of metal brace for it and used it as a weapon before they left Woodbury.  
“Jesus!” I half sighed, half yelled. “Who the hell gave you a blade?” My voice startled them and both Merle and Michonne turned to look at me. “How did we go from locking you up to letting you roam free with a weapon in the time it takes for me to nap?”   
“I have a trustworthy face.” Merle shrugged. It was the first time we spoke directly to each other since he had left the camp to go into the city almost a year ago.   
I hadn’t missed him.   
“Doesn’t have that effect on me, not gonna lie.” I ground my jaw.   
He examined me with a dismissive glare. “So what kind of effect do you have on my baby brother?”  
I had avoided talking to Merle completely, and I had been happy to avoid talking about Daryl especially. I didn’t know what Daryl had told him, if he had told him anything at all, but I had felt Merle’s eyes on us when they had returned and Daryl had smother me in a hug.   
“I can’t speak for him.” I shrugged.   
He laughed like he always had. That southern, condescending snigger that had grated on me since day one. “He refused to talk about you. Maybe that say something about him. Or you.”  
I was about to say something: something smart, withering. But I didn’t get the chance as Carl burst through the door behind me.   
“Guys, quick. We think Andrea’s here.” His voice was like a loud whisper, echoing round the room.   
Andrea?


	20. Andrea

We knew she was alive, with the Governor- Merle had put together the pieces in that story. But we hadn’t seen her. And honestly? We didn’t really know who’s side she was on.   
“Guys!” Carol didn’t hesitate to yell for Daryl and Glenn and Rick.   
“Beth- lock Judith’s cell.” I told her, touching my gun for safety. Immediately, we fell into a formation, with Daryl, Rick and Merle at our spearing. We ran out into the yard, armed up, aware of the threat of snipers if Andrea was a Trojan horse.   
Daryl and Rick let her in, without lowering their weapons.   
“Are you alone?!” Rick yelled, pushing on Andrea’s shoulder to force her onto her knees, yanking her bag from her shoulder and tossing it.   
She insisted that he was, but it took a few minutes for Rick to let her up, taking her straight inside. We gathered in the common room, watching, waiting.   
Carol was the first to go to her.   
Andrea hadn’t changed. Her hair was still as blonde, still bleached up by the Georgian sun, and she still had the same expression, like she was trying to work it out, all the time.   
She embraced Carol tightly, taking us all in. It was only a few moments before she clocked Hershel. “Oh my God, Hershel, your leg.”  
Her eyes flitted through us, taking us all in and whatever changes we had presented since she had last seen us, almost a year before.   
“Where’s Shane?” Her blue eyes searched for the man she had developed feelings for. Shane. I had almost forgotten about him. He felt a lifetime away. “And Lori…?”  
From just our expressions, she could tell. It was the awkward glances away, the diverted eyes because it was a painful topic just to think about let alone talk of.   
“She had a daughter.” Hershel spoke with a thick voice. “Judith.”   
From that sentence, Andrea deduced that Lori didn’t make it. Her face half crumpled and she gasped softly, turning to the Grimes’. “Carl, I’m so sorry. And Rick.” She made a move to go towards the grieving husband but his hard stare made her rethink her movement. After a pause, with all of us watching her still, she spoke again. “You all live here?”   
“In that block,” Glenn motioned towards our ‘home’.   
“Can I go in?” she stepped towards the block, but we all reacted the same. We all moved too quickly for her, blocking the path to our little settlement.   
“I won’t allow that.” Rick spoke gruffly. He hadn’t moved, knowing that we were working as a team, that the rest of us were protecting our home just as much as he was.   
“I am not an enemy.” Andrea looked hurt as she stepped to placate Rick.   
But he wasn’t risking it. “We had that yard. Until your boy came in through the fence with a truck and shot us up-”  
“He said you fired first-”  
“He lied!” Rick snapped, cutting her off before she could attempt to defend this murderous stranger she had developed feelings for apparently.   
“He killed an inmate who lived here.” Hershel explained, leaning on his crutches, making him look even more disappointed.   
“We liked him. He was one of us.” Daryl still had his crossbow comfortably in his hand, ready to move at any moment.   
“I didn’t know, I swear.” Andrea turned on the spot, directing her look at each of us in turn. “I came here as soon as possible. I didn’t even know it was you guys who were in Woodbury until after the shootings.”  
“But that was days ago.” Glenn shook his head. I felt like Woodbury was going to me his sticking point. It was going to be the thing that followed him, that he dreamt about, that he flashbacked to.   
“And I promise, I came here as soon as possible!” Her voice was beginning to become pleading. And then she turned to Michonne, accusing her of poisoning us with lies about Andrea. But no such thing had happened. “I don’t get it! I left Atlanta with you guys and now I’m the odd man out?”  
Glenn shook his head. “Because you’re with him. He almost killed Michonne and he would have killed us too.”  
She stabbed her finger towards Merle, who was standing still, his finger remaining on the trigger of the gun. “Isn’t he the one that kidnapped you? Who beat you? And yet you have him right next to you. I cannot excuse what Philip had done but I am trying to bring us together we have to work this out!”  
“There’s nothing to work out. We’re gonna kill him. We don’t know how or when but we will.” Rick put his hand up in dismissal.   
I sunk into the wall, feeling the coldness against the bare skin at the top of my back. I didn’t think anything was going to happen at that moment. But I definitely wasn’t relaxed.   
“We can work this out. You can come to Woodbury: there’s room for all of us-”  
“Hey, you know that wouldn’t happen.” Merle shook his head in half disbelief half humour, as if to say ‘are you guys buying this shit?’  
We weren’t.   
“What makes you think this man would want to negotiate? Did he say that?” Hershel questioned, leaning forward a little, in hope that there was a way we could pacify this situation.  
Regretfully, Andrea admitted that no, there was no reason to believe that this was something that could ever happen.   
Cue a back and forth between her and Rick, with chimings from Daryl and Glenn about how we were gonna fight like hell to get rid of this guy.   
“Look, the only way you can make this right is if you help us get in there!” Rick shouted. I flinched a little at the loudness of his voice, and even more so when Andrea refused and Rick’s scowl become more and more angry.   
And then he stormed off. He had taken to wandering the fields and patrolling the small stream outside the boundaries but I wasn’t sure if he would go there what with the fences still being in a fragile state.   
Andrea and Michonne also left to go outside, to go and talk and hopefully not kill each other.   
“Come help me get some stuff from the cars.” Daryl took my hand and tugged me out towards the yards.   
“What? Why?” I was confused until we got outside and he was more concerned with keeping his eyes on the two women that he was about making his way to the cars. “You suspicious?”   
He shrugged, unloading a box of ammo from the trunk of one of the vehicles.   
But just the way he was glancing at them, staying aware of them told me he had a feeling about the situation. With his distracted attention, I took the opportunity to slack on my moving boxes from a car in hot weather and just perched on the edge of the trunk.   
“I can see you not doing anything, Evie.” Daryl burst my bubble of thinking he was ignorant to my slacking.   
“Its hot.” I whined a little, watching as Andrea split away from Michonne and went back inside. “Besides, I like seeing your muscles flex when you’re moving those boxes.”   
“Stop.” Daryl snorted a laugh, dropping the last box onto the ground. Apparently satisfied now that Andrea and Michonne were no longer conversing, he turned his attention back to me. “What do you think about that?” he jerked his head to the prison.   
“Andrea? I don’t know. I really…don’t think she knows what he is, this Governor guy.” I shook my head as Daryl moved to stand in front of me. I bumped my knees against his hips, wrapped my fingers around the tops of his arms and let him pull me a little closer. “But I do know somethings gonna happen. No doubt, something bad.”   
“When does somethin’ good ever happen?” he shook his head.   
With a roll of my eyes, I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. “Hey, something good was happening a little while ago before Glenn walked in on us.” I reminded him, feeling warm inside as he began to smirk a little. “And something good might happen if we ever get another minute alone?”   
“Minute?” he raised his eyebrow, kissing the palm of my hand.   
“Baby, please. I know you. We’ve been apart for a couple of days, a minute’s being generous.” I leant over and kissed him, letting him wrap his arms around my waist.   
“You know it.” He buried his face in my neck, kissing me. We were hidden from view of anyone in the back of the car, which is why he was so comfortable being like that with me. “We could make something good happen right now.” His voice was muffled, lips moving against my skin.   
I laughed as his stubble tickled me and tried to push him back. “As romantic as it sounds, I’m gonna refuse you there.” I tried to slide off the edge of the trunk when Daryl lifted me up, pulling me close to him.   
“You sure?” he slipped one hand down to my thigh, whilst keeping the other arm tight around my waist to keep me flush to his body.   
“I’m going back inside.” I laughed, trying to wriggle away from him as he let me go.  
“What- you’re just gonna leave me to take all this stuff inside?” he squinted at me, adjusting his jeans a little.   
“What can I say?” I grasped the front of his top and kissed him quickly before walking backwards towards the prison. “I like to see you sweat, boy.”   
He gave a laugh, as much a laugh as he ever produced as I headed inside. My skin felt on fire, buzzing and happy.   
That was the thing with this life we all led; there was always this confusion, this contrast between conflict and fear, and our individual lives where we were allowed to be happy about being in love.   
Almost fanning myself, I headed to go into my cell, but I slowed in my ascent up the metal stairs when I saw Andrea holding baby Judith. She was cradling the infant, whilst talking to Carol, chatting away like we were in a laundrette, just catching up.   
Carol glanced at me as Andrea spotted me approached the last few steps, climbing slowly.   
“You know Rick would flip if he saw this.” I addressed Carol, referencing the fact that Andrea, someone who we didn’t really know we could trust was holding his daughter.   
Carol didn’t quite scoff but made a slightly defensive sound as she folded a few clothes from the box of clean garments. “We look after her more than he does.”   
She spoke as if that was a reason to go over his head on his children. And, yes, we were doing more of the childcare work lately, and yes, maybe Carl did what he was told when I shouted at him more than when his father did, but they were still Rick’s kids.   
The fact that I didn’t relax my part panicked, part annoyed and part pissed expression made Andrea react.   
“It’s fine.” Andrea passed the baby to me, letting Judith settle into my arms. My arm supported her, her neck cradled in the crook of my elbow as I kept her close to me. She was sleepy, I could see it in her big eyes. “I don’t mean any harm. I’m no different to who I was when we were at the farm.”  
I swayed softly, side to side, to lull Judith into a snooze, moving past the top of the stairs. “Well. A lot’s changed,” I mused.   
“I can see that.” Andrea raised her eyebrows at me as she reached to get some laundry from Carol’s basket to fold. “You and Daryl?”   
I pressed my lips together, pinching the inside of my cheek with my teeth. “Uh, yeah, I guess.”   
“What happened there?” she gave me a small smile, as if chat like this would bridge the tense gap between us.   
I just shrugged, stroking my fingers over Judith’s soft hair. “I…dunno. We just kinda fell together. He’s a good man, he’s kind and sweet but, uh, I guess he’s still not the chattiest human around.”   
“You’re telling me,” Carol snorted. “All you get from that man is “Dunno, stop, I guess, enough, whatever.” He’s like a teenager sometimes.”   
I laughed softly at her accurate portrayal of the man I was in love with as she continued on with her spiel about him.   
“I mean, I don’t know what he’s like with you, Eve, but I can’t imagine him being very vocal, if you know what I mean.” She muttered away. I groaned in slight embarrassment, as if she was my auntie talking about sex. “Jeez, you wouldn’t know if he was satisfied or if he was just hungry.”   
I shook my head, laughing, keeping my eyes on Judith as she started to doze and then startle every so often. And then Carol’s discussion changed moods.   
“You can end it.” Her voice has become stronger but quieter. “You can do it.”   
I looked up in confusion before realising she was directing her words to Andrea, not to me.   
“Give him the best night of his life and then take him out in his sleep.”   
As Andrea stared incredulously, I was reminded how much of a genius Carol was. We could use Andrea, she could help us.   
“You have to- you’d save us, save the people in Woodbury from getting involved.” Carol’s hand latched onto Andrea’s arm, pleadingly.   
“You could do it.” I encouraged. “Think of all the pain you would save.”  
“You want me to kill him? You won’t even let me in here without supervision but you want me to kill someone for you’s?” Andrea’s brow crumpled in half disgust, half confusion.   
“You’d be part of us again. Because you would be saving us, saving yourself, saving Judith!” Carol stared, trying to convince the woman we once were friends with. “He’s going to kill us, Andrea.”  
“Wh-” Andrea was cut off by Beth yelling up for her, saying they had a car for her to go back to Woodbury with.   
She gave us one last look before retreating downstairs, quickly and dashing out the door.   
I looked down at Judith, who was now innocently sleeping soundly in my arms. “You think she’s gonna do it?”   
Carol clung to the small baby grow, that Judith was quickly outgrowing, instead of folding it. “I don’t know. I don’t think she knew either.”


	21. Waiting

Carl took my dinner plate from me, grudgingly as it was his turn to wash up.   
We were all gathered in the block, just after eating, passing time before turning in for bed. I watched as Rick tended to Judith, rocking her in his arms after just finishing giving her the bottle of formula.   
I always felt better when seeing him with Judith. There was always a constant fear in the back of my mind that he wasn’t bonding with her, or that he had figured out that there was a chance – a fairly substantial one- that Judith wasn’t actually his. But the baby needed a father: we were a tight family unit but she needed parents, and with one dead, Rick was the only option on that front.   
Beth’s voice broke the silence as she started to sing softly, some song that I didn’t really recognise, half country, half something else. It wakened me a little from my thoughts of Judith.  
I pushed myself off the concrete floor and went over to where Daryl stood, leaning against the wall with folded arms by Hershel as they watched Beth sing.   
I went to stand next to Daryl but he reached an arm out and caught me a little, pulling me in front of him and against his body. Just that small action made my heart burn with butterflies: he wouldn’t have done that if we got together when we first met. He wouldn’t have been comfortable letting everyone see him be settled with me.   
Daryl’s arm wrapped around my shoulder, keeping me pinned to his body. I latched a hand around his strong forearm, feeling the grazes under my fingertips that he had obtained on his adventure away from the group.   
Rick approached with Judith tucked in his arm, after appraising Merle with a slightly suspicious expression. We may have let him join us, but that did not mean 100% trust with him.   
“Some reunion, huh?” Daryl raised his eyebrows at Rick, speaking softly.   
“She’s in a jam.” Rick admitted reluctantly.   
“We all are.” Hershel spoke as evenly as he always did, but at a lower volume so we could all still hear his daughter’s singing.   
I tilted my head back to rest on Daryl’s shoulder before speaking softly. “If she comes through for us, I’d welcome her back with open arms.”   
“Andrea’s persuasive. But this fella is armed to the teeth, hell bent on destruction.” Hershel shook his head.   
“So what do we do?” Daryl turned his head.   
We were speaking so quietly that only the four of us could here our words. “We match it.” Rick took a breath. “We arm up. I’ll go on a run.”  
I felt Daryl nod behind me. “I’ll head out tomorrow. “  
“Naw.” Rick shook his head. “You stay here. Keep an eye on your brother. I’d glad you’re back, man, but if he causes trouble, it’s on you.”   
Daryl’s chest deflated, I could feel his guilt pulsing through him. I dipped my head down and pressed my lips against the inside of his forearm as he said that he understood.   
“I’ll take Michonne.” Rick murmured.   
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Daryl questioned.   
With a clear of my throat, I spoke. “She can be trusted.” I glanced over to Michonne who was sitting on an upturned bucket, observing the group dynamic still. But as she listened to Beth’s singing, I saw a small upturn on her lips. We were getting there with her.   
“I’ll find out for sure tomorrow. I’ll take Carl too. He’s ready.” Rick informed us. “You hold it down here.”  
As we fell into silence, I thought about Carl, who had just re-entered the block, wiping his soapy hands on his t-shirt. His mother always told him off for that. He was going out on a run. I think it was gonna be the first one he would be on, without all the rest of us there.   
But I didn’t want to think about any danger he was gonna face, after all, he had his dad and Michonne to look out for him. So instead, I focussed on the soft lyrics filling the block, Daryl’s deep breathing behind me, his warm arm draped over me, the soothing movement of his thumb on my collarbone and the slight smiles on everyone’s faces. And in that moment, I couldn’t say that I felt scared.   
You gotta hold on, hold on. Oh, you gotta hold on. Take my hand, I’m standing right here, you gotta hold on.   
-  
I tip-toed into the cell, pulling my hair out of its tight tie and massaged my scalp from when my hair had been pulled too tight. I rubbed my hands together, pulling the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my palms to try to get the heat back into my extremities.  
As hot and humid as Georgia got, the temperature still dropped at night. And although when I was working away outside in the midday, I would kill ten Walkers to get the temperature to drop, when it finally did as dark fell, it always took me by surprise.   
I had been outside on watch. Glenn had just switched with me. His figure making his way to the guard post had been a welcome sight at three a.m. because I could feel myself lagging. He was quiet, pensive as we swapped positions: barely a sentence passed between us.   
Rick, Michonne and Carl had left the day before. And I had about 36 hours until I was allowed to stress over the fact they weren’t home yet. Carl had whined at me when I hugged him so tightly before they left. He seemed to forget that it was far from guaranteed that we would see each other again.   
Daryl was asleep.   
He had taken to sleeping in my cell with me, or without me. I quietly hung onto the top railing of the bunk as I reached down and untied the lace of my boot. I kicked them off and they toppled almost under the bed. My pyjamas, consisting of a baggy t-shirt and cropped sweats, were haphazard on the top of the chair by the bed. Daryl must have chucked them there when he had gone to sleep.   
I changed quickly, quietly, dropping my clothes onto the concrete floor. I was too tired to pick them up, fold them as I usually did, and instead, I kicked them away. I stood for a second, tucking my hair behind my ear, looking down at Daryl.   
He was lying on his front, arm curled around the pillow. His shoulders and back were soft but tense, muscles almost clenched but not quite. His skin, tanned, was marred by the scars and tattoos he had been edging to explaining. He had mentioned, briefly, in the non-committal way that he did, that his father used him and his brother as ‘his own personal punching bags’.   
From the feeling of the scars against my fingers, I assumed it had been from lashings, sticks, belts, I don’t know. But they were deep, raised and ragged. It was never a kind beating. If such a thing existed.   
I knelt on the bed, just by Daryl’s torso. The sheet was halfway down his back, just past his elbow level. I reached out for him and placed my palm on his back, feeling the heat radiate off of him and onto my skin. Carefully, I traced my forefinger over one particularly nasty, warped scar that spread from rib to rib, spanning across his back. Even though I tread lightly across his skin, he roused softly with a deep inhale and twisted round to see me.   
I smiled softly, continuing the pattern with my finger. He dropped his head back onto the pillow, too tired to object at my delicate fingertips on his harsh blemishes.   
“Glenn out?” he mumbled, face turned away from me, towards the back wall.   
I nodded and whispered in confirmation.   
“Your hands are too cold.” His words were muffled as he shrugged his shoulder in a half attempt to get my hands to leave him. With a tired sigh, I slid down the bed and leant over to kiss his back. I brushed my nose against his shoulder blades, smiling when I heard him whine gently beneath me.   
But, although he would never, ever have turned me down or admitted it, he was exhausted and too tired to do anything at that point. And I felt just as tired as he looked so I slowly kissed his shoulder a little before sliding down to pull the sheets up over me. Daryl turned his head to face me and pulled his arm out from under the pillow to lie it across my chest. His fingers tucked into my jaw, cupping my face towards him.   
“Night.” I whispered, feeling my eyes heavy as soon as I had laid down properly.   
“No worrying, ‘kay?” his voice reached my ears. “They still got a day and a half ‘til you get to panic.”  
“I know.” I smiled into the dimly lit cell as his words reached me. “Love you, okay?”   
He didn’t say anything, just like habit, but he pushed himself up, just a little, and kissed the corner of my mouth whilst smoothing his thumb over my cheek. He was pretty much saying the same thing.   
We lay like that till morning, I couldn’t quite get over to deep sleep, just mostly snoozing. Daryl had no such problem and was out like a light, moments after I had slid into bed with him. But when he started to stir at around seven, it was like he was unaware how to get up without annoying me.   
He started shifting about beside me, nudging me as he moved. I was just about to give him a swift elbow to the diaphragm when he slipped his hand up my t-shirt and began to stroke my side, draping his fingers over my skin.   
As he had pushed my top up, the air had hit my skin. And although it wasn’t cold, I still was feeling the chill. With a whine, I pushed his palm away, pulling the blanket up over me.   
“Evie…” He began, reaching over to kiss me; lips peppering my jaw with kisses.   
I grumbled again, too tired, too unsatisfied with my rubbish sleep. But he kept going, dipping his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. “Get to fuck, Daryl.” I grabbed his wrist and pushed it away from me. “I’ve had, like, no sleep.”  
He groaned, loudly, like a teenager and flopped over to lie on his back. “Fine.”  
I kept myself curled up, trying to remain cosy in our bed but his sighing was keeping me from sleep. “Daryl, just get up.”   
“Huh?”   
“There’s no point you just lying there. Just get up now and go and get breakfast or something because you’re doing my head in.” I hissed into the still half dark cell.   
He was silent for a millisecond and then huffed a sigh and climbed over me, out of bed.   
Grateful, I shuffled back into his warm spot on the mattress and wrapped my blanket around me, hazily watching through heavy lids as he pulled on his jeans and reached for a t-shirt. He didn’t say a word until he perched at the side of the bed to put on socks and his boots. After pulling the laces of his boots tight and tying them up, he paused. I could feel him sitting still beside me.   
Confused, I opened an eye and peered up at him. His brow was knitted together, looking down at me. I made a noise in question as to why he was staring at me.   
He leaned over and smoothed his hand over my hair, tucking it away from my face. “I love you.”   
-


	22. Coming Back

“Come on, baby, come on.” I rocked Judith in my arm, bouncing softly in my stance. She was refusing to sleep. I couldn’t even tell if she was tired or not but I needed her to sleep, we had things to do.   
We were getting ready. For a fight, for death, for something. The Governor wanted us dead for what we did. And from what I’d heard, he was going to give it his damned best shot.   
Maggie had just left to join most of the others in starting our defences, traps and just ways to make it harder to get near us. I was going to go out with them once I eventually got the baby settled. I didn’t like leaving her alone, not when Merle was around. And although I trusted Daryl’s judgement with him, there was still an element of wariness.   
I smoothed Judith’s hair down with my fingers and kept my walk up, wandering down to the cell block out of the common area. Just as I had turned my back on the door, it shoved open. I could tell by the stomp of the boots that it was Daryl. He wordlessly stalked upstairs, clanging on the metal stairs. Well, if I had gotten Judith to sleep, she would’ve woken back up at his racket.   
I pushed myself up the stairs, shifting Judith out of my cradled arms to rest against my shoulder and chest. With my cheek pressed to the side of her face, I approached my cell were Daryl had thrown himself onto the bed.   
Before I could even say anything, Daryl growled up at me. “Where’s Merle?”  
“I don’t know. He was searching for drugs last time I saw him. Said that you can always find stuff in a prison.” I perched on the side of the bed, secretly annoyed that Daryl’s filthy boots were on the bed.   
“Rick told me something just there.” Daryl began, half glancing at me.   
I turned my head in question and he continued on to shadily speak about the fact that Rick had made a deal with the Governor. It was our lives for Michonne’s.   
I think part of me actually knew. I knew there was going to be a catch. Rick had been rocking the brooding quiet thing on and off since I met him but he had lost his tongue since returning from the meet with the Governor. But I didn’t expect that. A trade for lives.   
It wasn’t our way.  
But from what Daryl was insinuating, it was now.   
“What are you gonna do?” I questioned Daryl, watching as he stared up at the top of the bunk.   
“Dunno.” His voice was rough, evasive. “Whatever Rick asks me to do, I guess.”   
All of a sudden, I had a flashback to when we were at the farm, what seemed like a lifetime ago. To when he had shouted at me, saying he was the killer, the scapegoat for the group. And as much as I had denied it at the time, I knew there was some truth in it. He did the hard stuff. Or at least, he always expected to do it.   
“Are you…okay with it?” I pulled my hand from under Judith and cradled her with the other arm so I could lie my hand on his stomach.   
“Doesn’t matter.” He shrugged dismissively and sat up, swinging his legs off of the bed.   
He wasn’t in the mood for a heart to heart. Honestly, any heart to hearts we usually had was post sex, in the dark, so he didn’t have to make eye contact whilst showing someone he had a soul. So I didn’t push it.   
“Here, take the baby.” I passed her over before he could say no. “I’m going to go help the others with the traps.”  
“Wh- I’ve got stuff to do.” he protested, but tucked the little one, who still wasn’t asleep, against his chest.   
“Tough shit. You get her to sleep and then you can go. If Rick’s little plan doesn’t work, hell, even if it does, we gotta prepare. So I’m going to help.”   
He didn’t say anything, just stared down at Judith, sweeping his thumb over her cheek.   
He was so good with her, it made me ache. In fact, everyone was. But Daryl had a secret affinity with her that surfaced when she was just hours old and it hadn’t wavered.   
“Also.” I cleared my throat and stood to pull me away from watching the two of them. “You should speak to Glenn again. He’s still not right, about Merle, about everything.”   
With a deep breath, he shook his head. “He’s never gonna forgive him. I wouldn’t, if it had been you.”   
His glance up at me, the squint of his eyes made my heart twinge a little.   
I leant down and kissed his forehead. “Try.”   
We passed the day laying out the traps. We had dug holes, laid out spiked fences to blow the tyres, locked up the fences and hidden weapons so that if any of us were cornered, we could find some sort of defence.   
I had thought about Michonne all day. It was her idea to set up most of the things, she was working as part of our team, half trying to prove herself. It didn’t sit well with me, giving her up. What also didn’t sit well was the fact that Rick was keeping it from us.   
But, as always, I thought about his position as a leader. And, as always, I knew that he had to make decisions for the good of the group. And, as always, I didn’t envy him.   
Some hours after we began our trap-laying, I spotted Daryl come out to the courtyard, pacing and watching the horizon. I jumped down from the top of the car, where I had been standing with Beth, trying to see any chinks in our armour, and went over to him.   
Unlocking the gate to the yard, I wiped the sweat from my brow and rubbed the dirt from hands. Daryl was shifting his new bow from shoulder to shoulder, waiting for me to get to him.   
“You alright?” I asked from steps away.   
He pulled on his vest, adjusting the bow once again. “Was talking to Merle.”   
“Yeah? Is he…going along with it?” I folded my arms over my chest and stood close to him.   
“I think…I don’t really know. He was kind of talking a lot of shit.” He shook his head, but his jaw was set in a hard, tight way. Like the way it was when we fought or when someone had died. I looked at him until he spoke again. “I dunno, he was saying that we were just here to do the dirty work.”  
Again, I heard the harshness, almost bitterness of his voice. I pressed my lips together and just looked at him, waiting for him to continue, or for something to pop into my head. Within a moment, Daryl seemed to soften just a little bit.   
“I…” He started, clenching his jaw. “I just wanted my brother back.”   
I felt my heart clench in my chest. His stare went off into the distance. It was like he was trying to let me in, just a bit but he had to do it bit by bit, going against all of his natural instincts.   
I stepped forward and clutched the lapel of his leather vest. My knuckles brushed against the concave of his chest. I didn’t quite pull him in for a hug but I did cling to him. “He may be your brother, but we’re your family now, too.”   
His brow twitched in appreciation, I think, but his jaw still clenched as he covered my hand with his, smoothing his thumb over my skin.   
I turned when the door opened behind me and Rick burst out, looking hurried. “Deal’s off.” he called over en route to us. I felt Daryl straighten under my hands, almost relax a little with suspicion.   
“I’m guessing you told her anyway.” Rick’s eyes flit between Daryl and I. “But I can’t find Merle or Michonne.”   
My stomach sunk. All we had to do was put two and two together and get our answer. Merle had taken Michonne.   
Daryl wanted to go alone to find his brother. I was never going to stop him, but I did still feel that pull at my chest when he slung on his bow and threw his leg over his bike.   
“Be careful.” I pulled back from kissing him softly. He paused in his readying to go and stared at me with a soft squint, as if hearing what I worrying about.   
“I’m coming back this time.”


End file.
